mum died when i was a baby

by siobhan

I lost my mother suddenly when I was 7 months old (18 years ago), my dad woke up early found she wasn't in bed, got up and went into the bathroom and found her, I cant even begin to imagine what was going through his mind he was then all alone with a baby (me) and a 6 year old (my brother).

She was cremated and buried near my grandparents and so it has always been difficult to go to her grave regularly, but I recently went to stay with my grandparents and went to see her. Since then I have been thinking about her a lot and most of the time its been getting me down. Until now I have been quite a happy person, I have never really been depressed about it, I know this may seam harsh and I don't mean it to be, but it was just something that happened in my life, it has always been 'normal' for me, I have never known any different. It is nearly mothers day and I have been very down recently, my friends help and I have the odd up moments but In general I have been down for days now, I don't understand it, i'm normally really strong. I have felt like crying for days but have only managed to shed a tear once, I never have been one to cry a lot but I feel although I am crying but with out the tears, I have a constant knot in my throat and I haven't been talking much.

Comments for mum died when i was a baby

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Nov 21, 2014
Not alone
by: Emily

My mum died when I was 7 weeks old I'm now 20. She had a brain hemorrhage. My dad was left to care for my twin and me. We found out when we were about 4 or 5 and have since struggled to fill the emptiness left by her absence! Today I found a notebook containing letters my dad wrote to my mum everyday since she had passed till the book was full! It was heart breaking to read what my dad felt every day! I think about her everyday, wishing I could hear her voice or just hug her! Knowing I will never be able to do this is the hardest thing for me! Is she proud of us? Does she know we love her? I just wish I could hear her voice even just once!

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Aug 11, 2014
by: Leesa Rene

My Mom died when i was 10 months old!! She was on her way home from work one early morning and her car stalled on the tracks. She was not able to get her seat belt off in time!! she was hit by a freight train. When i was told this as a child it did something to me!! I have forever had a hole in my heart since then that gets bigger each year!! I watched over the years my father have several girl friends none who i was able to call mom. Then when he finally married a women who had my name also and i thought was a great person had 2 kids of her own and let me and my sister know who was one year older then me when mommy died that we could not call her mom either!! For several years me and my sister were made servents and would get beat with belts chains straps by are own father when we were bad and get grounded to are room for summer after summer because my dad only loved his new wife and kids. When my uncle finally started coming over to take us on the weekend he had a wife that was nice to me so i loved going over there to get away from my dad beating me all the time! Then one night my uncle the man i trusted with everything to protect me molested me when i was sleeping. He started telling me how much i looked like my mother. He was a cop so i was afraid to tell anyone!! I got depressed after that and have been ever since. i lost my virginity at 12 to feel love from the pain. When my dads wife finally left my dad years later my dad got mad one night punched me in the head gave me a head concussion then me and my sister got sent to a foster home!! It was there i had lost it!! My father didnt try to get us back. He was going to let us be adopted out. My sister eventually left at 17 and has 3 kids now they got taken away from her because she is addicted to drugs and that hurts me everyday i couldnt help her! I am married now been with one guy since i was 17 also. I have 3 daughters now who are the most amazing angels i have ever known and it kills me inside that my mother isnt here and will never know them and they will never know her and i hurt everyday i cant have her with me when its so hard here without her! The one thing i can tell anyone who is raising a little girl who has lost her mother......dont EVER tell didnt even know your mom so you shouldn't talk about her because i can tell you now i was told this growing up and still to this day and no one will ever understand every moment you needed your mommy there and she wasnt and the hole it puts in your body for the rest of your life. Thank you for listening.....i have never told anyone this before and i feel a weight being lifted.....😢😥😥😥

Jul 19, 2014
Denial about the experience
by: Hikaru

I feel for you deeply and I have been through the similar stuff. My mother died when I was nearly 4 months old and my late grandmother told me that when she died that I screamed out loud. I feel like I have never really allowed her to die inside my heart,she is still alive inside my mind which is producing so much pain for me. I know that I have to go back and experience that event completely without holding anything back. Allowing it to just leave,because this experience have never really been mine,she has never been mine. I am so sad that it had to go this way.

Jun 17, 2014
Do her proud!:)
by: JK

This story kind of crazily connects to me, I was 7 months old when my mother died and I have a five year elder brother. I think even when the hard days come along such as their birthday or Mother's Day the best thing to do is pick your head up high and persevere. I focus a lot on the great things that occurred throughout her life and not just on her unfortunate and soul-destroying demise.
Even though I didn't get to know my mother, I still hold her in my heart which seems crazy as I'm holding someone I have never had a conversation with so close. I wish I could have had some banter or just a nice chat with my mother but I guess I never will and all I can do is be proud of who she was and give her name a legacy. I hope you find comfort within your grief because one day it will get better, I'm 14 now and I've only now come to terms with it, times a great healer, all the best x

Jun 06, 2014
Mother died when I was 6 months old
by: Anonymous

I am now 48. It still affects me, although I never even knew her. I've dreamt of her maybe three or four times in my life and I often wonder why she hasn't appeared in my dreams more. I miss what I never had even today.

Jan 16, 2014
by: Anonymous

My mum died when i was 6 months. I am now 14. The worst thing is she died of an unknown cause. I can relate to you because i am known as a loud bubbly person, but recently i am beginning to feel like crying every 5 minutes. I am worried that i won't do as well on my GCSE's because of it.

Nov 19, 2013
Stepmom Help
by: Anonymous

I am the step mother of a 7 year old girl who's mother died (brain tumor) when she was a small baby. I came into her life when she had just turned 5 and married her dad last year.

She does not have any of her own memories of her birth mother - only what she has been told by her father and grandparents. She doesn't seem overly interested or concerned with the whole thing.She doesn't ever ask about it and really only brings it up now and again - mostly at her grandparents prompting. And never in a sad or melancholy way.

She has never missed her mom specifically but did know that she was different than everyone else she knew and wanted someone to call mom. So she was very eager to have me on board and has called me mom since her father and I were married. Right now she seems very well adjusted about the whole situation and I would characterize her as a happy kid.

But I suspect that that is only because she sees "mom" as simply being a role that is played by the woman in a family and I'm her mom simply because I married her father. She's very matter of fact about it and I don't think she's old/mature enough to grasp the underlying meaning and significance of the woman who gives birth to you versus the woman who raises you. She's very loving and accepting of me - I would say we have a fantastic relationship and anyone who does not know the situation has no idea that she is not my own, however my fear is that she will have problems when she's older and will 'suddenly' experience grief and I want to be prepared for it so that for one thing, I will be able recognize it, and secondly, can help her deal with it in a way that doesn't screw her up for the rest of her life.

While it is very sad that her mother died, and I suspect it is something that will shape her and affect her, I don't want her life to be defined by Greif and sadness and a feeling of loss and don't want her to focus on what she missed. I am hoping it will shape her life and not define it.

If any of you who have experienced this yourselves, would give me some advice on how to handle this in order to help her - I would greatly appreciate it. I do not know what she is experiencing or will experience the way you/someone who has lived through the loss of a mother would and want to make sure I'm doing things right.

Should I bring it up if she is not? Should I get her father to talk about it all the time, or continue to follow her lead and just move forward? Should she be in counselling or should we just leave it alone and deal with things as they come up?

I don't want to create an issue where there isn't one already, however I'm fearful of glossing over it...

Oct 24, 2013
Mom died from domestic violence pressure
by: A

I always knew that my mother died when i was a child.My father remarried,(i was 4) and clearly remember that day. Though i was told that she was only my mother whom my dad had to remarry and all made up stories and when i grew up my common sense told me that she is my step mother..untill one day i found death certificate of my mother. I cried. I also found an audio tape and listened to her voice ... :'( I imagine how my life would have been if she was with me. Years later i got to know from my real mother's sister's daughter about the whole story.. my grandparents used to play dirty politics and my aunts too ... my dad since(veru naive of these politics) too got influenced from them and used to beat my mom ... also he used to love her alot !! but was very possesive of her..used to fight wid her if any other guy used to even talk to her..on top of that grandparents and aunt(my father's sisters) made my mother's life hell..finally one day she just wanted to scare my father and attempted suicide...she died 2-3 days later. I was 2 years old then. My cousin sis(real mom's daughter) tells me that she was very educated and was a topper in her batch. Also very creative , very caring for people and used to love me very much... i get very emotional when i compare my life with what it would have been with her. Also how much injustice happened with her ..And how that empty void would not have existed in my life. I never felt what it likes to have a mother..I just imagine how it would have been to be with her , talk to her,share my thoughts with her, nd most important have her blessings on me :'( ... i miss you ma :'(

Sep 23, 2013
my mum died when I was 18 months
by: Anonymous

I searched this as for a couple of days I've been feeling down and I suppose I wanted reassurance. I'm 14,15 in december when I was 18 months old my mother died and as others have said my life has carried on. Although being a really little child for me was hard I always felt like no one liked me or they'd just leave and not come back. When I was 10 my father remarried and I have a very good relationship with his wife, then she adopted me so she's now my real mum. Although the first time I realised she was now my new mum I followed her everywhere like I didn't want her to leave. I'm now starting my GCSEs and all I want to do is make everyone proud of me especially my late mum.

Sep 22, 2013
Mum died in cancer
by: 19 year old girl from sweden

Hi! My mum died in cancer when I was 2 yers old. It is the same to me as you described: its normal to me. It havent been so hard to me, but when I turnd 18 I started being sad. My intire life I lived with my dad and his wife (which I didnt have a very good relationship with. This also did that I didnt have any good relationships with females at all. I didnt know how to act with them. Today it was the first time EVER I googled my problem. It was such a releve reading what you wrote! Thanks!

Is it only me, or do you folks too have thoughts about NOT being a good mother in the future? It cinda scares me... Thanks for reading!

(Sorry about the bad spelling!)

Aug 02, 2013
i miss my mum
by: Anonymous

my mum died of cancer a little over a year ago. i was 15 at the time and now im 16 and i havent gotten over it. i still cry myself to sleep and she appears in my dreams. sometimes in my dreams she says nothing. shes just... there. i feel so alone now im the only girl in the house so its a lot harder and its much different. i live with my dad and my brothers and i never get to see my aunts or grandmas. so i dont have a woman i can talk to about my problems. i was able to tell my mum everything and know what i told her was confidential. now its just horrible and i dont have anyone to talk to. on my sweet 16, i bawled my eyes out and locked my door. my dad asked me if i was alright and i acted like i wasnt crying. i have been depressed and i dont know what to do anymore. i miss her hugs and i treated her like crap every here and there and i just feel guilty. i miss her dearly and i hope shes doing good wherever she is now.

Feb 07, 2013
still affacted by being orphaned
by: diamonddog

I think that when we are very young, we just automatically tend to function as we are required to. My mother died twelve days after my birth, as a result of my birth. I did not know anything about her but felt totally unable to ask. My dad remarried when I was four. My stepmother was a very clever, conniving, jealous, evil and manipulative person. My sister,( two years older than me) and I could never talk freely to one another, due to our fear of her. She continually threatened us with dire consequences, including sending us away, which she succeeded in doing with me.
When I was thirteen, my father was very ill. He spent the last three years in hospital far away, and my stepmother said she would not keep me. I had spent years wanting her to love me. I was placed in a Children's Home. It was at this point that I learned that my mother was definitely dead. My father alluded to the fact that I was to blame. Three years later he died, without us ever having discussed what he had said .Maybe it was the times. I am now 55 years old, very happily married, with five adult children. I gave birth to my son at seventeen. I met my husband when I was 24, and have raised his two beautiful,loving girls as my own, plus two girls I have given birth to. Our youngest was born when I was 29, the same age as my mother was when she had me. I was very frightened of dying at that time.
Life has not been all smooth sailing due to serious ill heatlh and other devastating issues, but we have had much happiness. Therefore, I feel guilty for not being able to 'get over' the loss of my parents. Our children are all happy, fulfilled and successful. I just have this sadness inside. I am always so scared of losing those I love. We lost one little girl in our family and I have been over and over what I might have done differently. Siobhan, and all of you others, try not to let the past get in the way of your current or future happiness. There is no need for guilt, and I know only too well how strong a prison fear creates. Be gentle with yourselves. Live your lives. I wish you all peace and happiness

Jun 20, 2012
my mother died when i was a baby
by: rubianne

when i was 2 months old ( 10 weeks old) my mother died at the time i had 2 older brothers who were ages 15 and almost 13 now 30 and 27. when my mother died my parents were already 1 year divorced so it must of been really hard for them i now live with my auntie, uncle and cousins and see my father quite a lot who is now remarried and one of my brothers is marriage and have their own lives in the army so i don't really have any relationship or contact with them.

Apr 17, 2012
felt like u were talking about me
by: Lilly

Wow! I can totally relate to your story. This is exactly how I feel has never really bothered me until recently and I find myself wanting to burst out in tears. thank you so much for this post!!!!

Mar 18, 2012
thanks Pearl
by: siobhan

thank you Pearl, you words mean alot to me, but i wouldn't say that i was an orphan, i still have my dad.

Mar 16, 2012
it's all we know
by: Pearl

Your words hit home for me. I think being an orphan is something only another orphan can understand. There is something missing, always a void but it is all we know. I am now 45 and my mother died when I was a young child. I grew up, a hard life, but just the same it was all I knew. It wasn't until the recent sudden death of my younger brother that it all came crashing down on me. Before death was all that I knew, it happened and as a child I did not have the skills or knowledge to know what it all meant. Now as an adult, I think we realize all that we we have lost or never had. My brother was my link to the past, he knew me better than anyone and now I feel I should have been there for him when he fell sick and needed me most. I think it is a cumulative effect and that might be what is happening with you...the loss has finally sunk in, it is real and as adults we are trying to understand. I wish you the best.

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