Mum died yesterday

by carla

My mum passed away yesterday aged 59 after a long battle with cancer. She became paralysed in her last year and it was so hard to see her being hoisted or having to lie in the same position for 2 hours until the careers will turn her. She couldn't speak English so she would often get upset at the careers for not giving her the things she asked for.

She never accepted that she'll never walk and she would ask everyone when she's gonna see the doctor that will make her walk again.

The cancer spread to her bones and she was in so much pain, morphine helped but she wad never pain free.

I used to come and see her every day after work and I was so exhausted. Sometimes I'll get mad at her as she wanted me to stay for longer and I was unable to. I feel that maybe I should have give up work and spend more time with her.

The night before she stopped talking she asked me to stay but I didn't. The next day I came to see her she was not talking. She was just making a sound like she was in pain or crying, with every breath she took. I should have stayed with her.

I spend that day and the night by her bed side. She only stopped making that sound when the priest came and give her the last communion. She looked so peaceful then and she passed away minutes after the priest left. Like she was waiting for him before she go.

I miss her so much, I think about her constantly.

Comments for Mum died yesterday

Click here to add your own comments

Jun 09, 2014
Mum died yesterday
by: Doreen UK

Carla I am so sorry for your loss of your mum yesterday. These initial days will be the very worst. You may even feel numb and not know what you are feeling till days later. One is usually planning the funeral and arrangements and so not able to feel the full grief pain yet. It is such a very difficult time. If you are living in London U.K. then you will have noticed how difficult the care here is now. It is the worst time to have a serious/terminal illness as the resources/funding is not in place to give the caring they need.
My husband had lung cancer. A rare, serious terminal cancer in 2009. I nursed him through this devastating disease. He was in such severe pain. The morphine did not help him. The type of cancer he had made him so very ill as it was a type of chemical cancer and the suffering is so bad. He died 2yrs. ago. His birthday would have been tomorrow. If your mum was difficult it was because of the cancer. My husband had a lovely pleasant placid nature and cancer changed him. He had days where he was aggressive and didn't know it. I had to just leave the room and cry and then go back in and nurse him. One just doesn't know what to do. You had work commitments and could not stay with your mother. My daughter was also in this position. She was not given time off work. She took the Saturday off not realising this was the last day she would see her father. He died later Her support to me was so invaluable. One of the worst hurts is seeing your loved one draw their last breath. You go through the worst pain when you get the diagnosis of terminal cancer. This is when your grief starts. I think we become more composed to losing our loved one's when we have had this preparation time before dying. It is still the worst time ever of one's life.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!