Murdered at work

by Nicola

My love, my heart, the father of our three beautiful teenage daughters was murdered at work on Feb 12. I don't even know what day it is but I closed the lid on his coffin last night and today is his funeral. The newspaper said over 800 people attempted the joint memorial service the USCG held for him and his coworker yesterday, but I could only focus on his photo, my kids and my husband's best friend.

I spent hours talking, touching, kissing, and arranging his clothes. His face and hands are as familiar to me as my own. My heart is dead, I can scream, have panic shaking, and talk about him like he is on a trip. I can not fathom how I am going to live the rest of my days without him.

My home is full of well meaning relatives and I want them all to go away but I feel responsible for allowing them to grieve in his home. The outpouring from our small community is overwhelming and I appreciate it, but I don't know what to do or say. We were meant to grow old together and annoy our kids in our advanced years, but now I am facing talking with the FBI, USCG Investigators, state troopers and a gazzillion others.

My heart is dead and I don't know how I am to face each morning.

Comments for Murdered at work

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May 01, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband on Feb 12th also, I know the pain and grief you are feeling. Some days it does not seem real. Today I wrapped myself in his favorite coat trying to get close to him. I feel as if my future was robbed from me. He was only 52, I know God has a plan for me, as he does for you and your family. I hope you find some comfort soon. I try not to think to far ahead, I also have a lot of family and friends surrounding me, and I'm attending grief classes at a local church and attend counseling session, just trying to make sense of it all.

Apr 19, 2012
For, Nicola..
by: Anonymous

Nicola, I am Truly so very sorry about the loss of your husband. I want to offer you some hope. You mentioned that you have family in your home-grieving your husband's death. You also mentioned community support. I think you have to take care of yourself first. Your children Need you now, more than ever. I realize that you are paralyzed with grief and probably overwhelmed with shock. I would if at all possible- ask your loved ones to give you and your girls some time to be alone. Tell them you appreciate all their love and support but it is All overwhelming. Hopefully they will understand and honor your wishes. Possibly they may think you want them there and don't want to leave you alone. I lost my daughter nearly three yr's ago. I had to deal with private investigators, city attorneys, etc,..due to a suit. It was very hard and it drained me but I did finally finish the suit. Found some closure.

I wish there were words to take some of your hurt and your pain away. I can't imagine what your feeling. I am sorry that your soulmate was stolen from you. I pray that in time that you will find some peace...some closure. This is going to be a rough road, but with the support of loved ones and friends ,I believe you can find reason to keep going. Your children are definitely the main reason. I am sure your husband would want you to remember the 'times' that you did have. Hold onto those when the water gets rough and the darkness washes over you. Your husband is with you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Keep coming here. People here do care and know the pain of losing someone.

God Bless You and Your Family.

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