My 1st born, my son!!!
It has been over 2 years since I lost my son to an accidental over dose of Zanax he was 30 yrs old. He left behind 2 beautiful daughters and 1 son. It wasn't his time to go I keep telling my self. "It should of been me". I am so pleased to read about the hole you all feel. I always feel like I'm the only person that has these feelings of emptiness, a hole that no one can fill. I have 2 daughters that cant understand why I would ever want to leave them knowing the pain that losing my son their brother has caused are whole family. It doesn't help that my family blames me for his death. We are no longer as close as we used to be and I haven't spoke to my sisters in 2 years. My mother's boyfriend attempted to sexually assault me 3 months after my son died which caused a strain between my mother and me. I always feel alone and do everything I can not to have a relationship with anyone. Mostly because I keep telling myself "they will never understand the sudden urges to cry, wanting to crawl into bed and not wake up, the pain in my heart and so much more. I smile because that is what is expected of me, I pretend everything is great because no one wants the truth and I exist everyday cause God hasn't taken me yet. My final thoughts; I wish I could see his beautiful smile and hear him say "Mother". His huge arms around me and the way he would kiss my head really hard. The way he would make everyone laugh and the love he showed his children. Rick's birthday is May 23rd he would of been 33 years old. I miss you every second of everyday. This is my story in Michigan.