My 29 Year Old Son Died and I Am Ready To Go Except...

My 29 year old son died on February 14, 2012. We do not have a cause of death yet, but he died in his sleep and we believe he had chronic obstructive sleep apnea. I literally feel that I want to die. The only thing holding me from doing it is that I still have minor children in my home, in high school. I cannot leave them, and they do not deserve to have a mother that abandons them.

I just cannot think of anything else except my son's death. I ask God every night, why??? Why MY son? Did he have another purpose? All I can say is I struggle every minute of every day to truly grasp that he is gone, and that no matter how much I beg, he is not coming back. Part of me has died along with him, I'll never be the same.

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Apr 30, 2012
Thank You Everyone
by: Anonymous

I want to thank every single one of you for posting your losses here. For the first time in two and a half months, I feel like someone understands me. I have only one friend who has lost a child and she told me to do two things. I have done these since the last time I posted here and honestly it has helped.

The first was to talk to my son. Either out loud or silently. I chose to talk to him at night. I tell him how much this hurts beyond anything I can even describe, and how much I miss him every minute of every day. The second thing she told me was to keep a dream journal. She told me to write down my dreams. I usually get up once a night, so I write down what I can remember and also when I wake up to go to work. I have had two dreams where I was talking to my son, that I would not have remembered if I didn't have a dream journal.

Again, thank you so much for posting here. We are all connected, but the horrible, life altering grief we feel from the loss of our children. PLEASE continue to post here, or leave me a topic name so I can comment on your posts. This site has been a lifeline for me. Much love and many hugs to all of you.

Apr 29, 2012
I understand
by: carol,seans mom

Hello. I lost my 24 year old son Sean on November 15,2011. It was November 13,2011 that we could not wake him up. He never did wake up. They tried all they could for the whole next day but a blood clot ravished threw his body. It was sitting on his heart when chest xrays were taken. We had plans for the fourteenth. It was so sudden and so shocking that still today I am sick from all the feelings we have to go threw. It has been five and a half months and it is no better. He was my oldest child of three and my only son. He was a hansome young man who had plans for his future. He wanted a home and a family. I am so sick all the time about what he is missing and because he is gone we are missing out on all of it also. I buried my son Thanksgiving week. Awful. Holidays were awful. Life is sad and painful now. I don't know how we are suppose to just keep going. My girls give me reason because they are devastated and I know in my heart they need me to. None of us deserved this,especially Sean. The hardest part for me is that life just goes on. Everybody around seems so normal and my life has exploded. I actually liked my life and was thankful for my three beautiful children every day and now this. How can this be happening to so many families. I send you my thoughts and prayers. I pray for peace for all families struggling with this. This is just unimaginable. I am so sorry.

Apr 29, 2012
I pray for all of us
by: Anonymous

Did any of us ever think our most precious gift would not be ours to behold again in this lifetime? I am a bereaved parent. My son, the middle of three sons, died in 2011. He was 33 years old. What my husband and I thought was the flu turned out to be an aortic dissection. We were out of town visiting our oldest son and came home to find our "middle" dead. "How TO Heal 101"...there is no choice other than to go on, to read, to pray, to cherish every special memory our child has given us. I have always questioned the I believe. I KNOW I will be with my sweet son again. Another bereaved parent gave me a book "Confessions of a Grieving Christian" by Zig Ziglar. I encourage you to read this book. God bless us all. Let us keep eachother in prayer.

Apr 28, 2012
i'm so sorry
by: Jen

I know your pain! My 23yr old son died Oct 25th, 2011 - I died that life has not been the same - I have other teenage children as well. I do not have any words for you because nothing really helps with this kind of pain. I do believe that God has a plan....even now I do trust God. I am so sorry for your loss I truly wish no mother would have to feel and live this pain :(. My son's story is on here his name was Brandon McDonough

Apr 28, 2012
Losing a son....
by: Ruth M

My heart breaks for you. I remember feeling the exact same feelings. I still do sometimes feel the same way. However its been nearly 2 years since my Michael passed away in his sleep. It was a sudden death and we did not expect it at all. His life was complicated by BiPolar Disorder. Like so many people that have the disorder, he was artistic and funny and very much an individual.

He was my only child and I often feel like the first 26 years of my life were a dream or that I somehow failed that part of my life. I too just wish I could know what he is doing. I have not had any visitation dreams either, others have and tell me he looks great and he always tells people that it will all be okay. Let the greif do its work, do not self medicate and seek help if you truly feel that you are going down. This will truly be the worst thing that you have ever gone through. Finding the reason to go on even when your heart wants to stop is really what we need. You will never be the same person you were before, and how could you be? It will change us forever. God help us to find our new normal and find the reasons to smile in our new world. God bless you.

Apr 27, 2012
understand your pain
by: Cathy

Hi, I understand your pain it is terrible because you least expected it, i too lost my son Brandon 21 years on October 18th 2011. My son was never sick or not well within 24 hours he just vanished, complained of pain in the abdomen took to the family doctor and he had a massive heart attack in the toilet, so shocking and even after so many months i cannot forget the events that took place and i cannot understand why or how he never had a heart problem ,some days i just feel like giving up,but i have 3 other children studying, he was the eldest so i have to go on, i do everything because its my duty not because i want to, i just wonder where he is how he is if i could just talk to him one more time ,he spoke to my husband in dreams but not to me i wonder why? I can feel your pain cause i m going through the same,god bless u

Apr 27, 2012
I Can Emphathize
by: Anonymous

I lost my son suddenly on February 11. I saw him two weeks before as we stood in the room while we all discovered together that his first child will be a boy. Our hearts break at his loss. His siblings are crushed. His pregnant wife is in pain beyond description. I guess I feel a little different in that I don't think God took my son as much as "life happens." I wish life had not happened to us, and I thank God for strength to do what has to be done every day. I spend a lot of time helping his wife. I know when our grandson is born we will smile and weep. The pain that he will never even be touched by his dad is almost unbearable. I've had a few good days but none without crying. It come in waves at times. Bless you and I pray for strength for you and yours. Hugs.

Apr 27, 2012
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you Colleen. I read your story and I am so sorry about your son as well. Our stories are alike in ways. Your son's death was sudden, as you only had four weeks to understand that he would be gone soon. I am glad at least that you were with him at the end. Never in my lifetime would I have believed that I would outlive one of my children, and I'm sure you feel the same. All I really want now is just some sign; in a dream or some way to know he is ok.

Remember that someone is holding your hand in the cyberworld...we belong to the club that neither of us ever wanted to. Much love to you and continue to write if you would like. Maybe we can help each other out. :)

Apr 26, 2012
I have also lost my oldest son
by: Juliette

You are not alone.I too have lost my 28 year old son just this past month.His wife gave birth just over 2 months ago at the same hospital where my son was.He was diagnosed with cancer in december 2011 and was given 4 months to live.He went into the hospital because of complications due to chimo and never left the hospital.I was by his side 90% of the time day and night.He was an amazing human beeing with a gentle kind heart.I miss him so much and wish I could hold him in my arms to tell him everything will be ok.My husband and I cry ourselves to sleep every night just thinking about his loss of beeing a father himself and his son without a father.We feel for his beautiful wife and how horrible and tragic this has been for her.They were on a road to a beautiful perfect life.They had plans for the futur and their whole life ahead of them.
My answer to this is,my son was robbed.He was robbed and he didn't even have time to absorb.I feel empty and I feel like my heart is in neutral.Nothing is happening,I can't move forward.It hurts so much at times I can't breath.Whenever I got to his home to visit his wife and my grandson,I see him everywhere.It feels good inside knowing I am among his things.He was such a smart and considerate person,gentle and soft spoken,respectful and kind to everyone who met him.I feel privileged to say he was my son.I truly beleive my son was an angel on earth and God needed him for whatever reason for a bigger task.Why he would take him to leave his son without a father,I have no clue.I am sorry for rambling on,I imagine your pain is just as unbearable,and this is a good place to come and know that you are not alone.They say there is no greater pain than the lost of your child.I know know exactly what that means,so please know....I do feel your pain, and my heart is with you at this very difficult time of your life.

Apr 26, 2012
I too lost my son
by: Colleen

I am so sorry for your loss and the emptiness you will always have since your son has died. Monday it will be one year since my oldest son died. Every night I pray I can have a near death experience so I can See he is really ok. The pain is still so intense some times I can't breathe. I have a wonderful husband, three sons and three granchildren, so I have to go on. I don't want them to fill anymore pain.
I hope the autopsy report gives you some comfort, but it won' change things. Again I am so sorry for your loss. I truly am.

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