my 35 days

by shawn
(va)

i am a 30 year old male
and June 16 2012 i lost my best friend and the woman i was making plans maybe marry one day we a had a simple life were did most every thing together

the worse part about the hole thing is that she was 36 years old and had two kids
and worse still i was three feet a way when she stopped breathing rite in front of me and turned blue
and after the EMT'S and ALS fire department worked her for a hour with no prevail.... i had lost her and one of the only people that cared for me
and the was 330 am June 17 2012 yes it was fathers day morning that i had to call her dad and tell him the he just lost his only child on father day

and i still need help to cope with it because i am consumed
in two stages of grief and don't know what to do

Comments for my 35 days

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Sep 17, 2012
Im sorry
by: Tara

I'm so sorry to hear this. I can tell you we lost people that made our lives so easy and loved. My husband was killed on June 15,2012. I can tell you know it been three months I have been mad sad pissed off at my breaking point. The only reason im not in the ground is we have three beautiful children. If you ever need to just scream and cry and blame someone then do it if you dont you will go crazy as i have

Aug 21, 2012
RE: Your 35 days
by: Anonymous

Hi there,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost the love of my life two months ago today, so our losses occurred very close to one another and our ages are very close as well. My boyfriend died very tragically and unexpectedly, and I am still not back to normal. We had been together for four years when he passed, but had been going through a rough patch at the time of his death, so the guilt that I feel for not being there for him when he needed me the most is pretty intense.

I hope things have gotten better for you since you posted this. I was surprised when, after one month, I started to feel better. Then one day it (the grief) came back and stuck around for a couple of weeks. I'm realizing now that this is something that is going to happen in waves and that the only way through it is through it.

I am further realizing that some people around me that have not gone through something similar will never understand why, after two months, I am still not even close back to normal yet. I still cry almost every day trying to deal with the pain. I also still have virtually no attention span and quite a bit of trouble sleeping and with migraine headaches.

My advice to you is to give yourself all of the time you need to adapt to your new reality. You are now forever changed because of the role this person played in your life. That is not something that you can force yourself into accepting. It has to happen naturally.

Best of luck to you. You'll be in my prayers.

Jul 22, 2012
This thing called grief
by: Anonymous

Shawn I'm so sorry for ur lost. I feel like I'm In your shoes. I am 30 yrs old same as you. I lost my boyfriend exactly 3 months today at the age of 31. Life seems so unfair that we make all these plans for our future and we assume that we're gonna have enough time with the person we love and then suddenly the person u want to marry is taken from u.... It's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my life. Just like you we used to do everything together and now I look up an I feel so alone. I feel like I lost the other half of me and there's a huge hole in my chest. This website has helped me tremendously in this journey called grief. It makes me feel
Like I'm not alone and I want u to know that your not alone either. If you have friends and family around you hold on tight to them because they can help support you when u feel like you want to ball up and disappear. Sudden death robs us of so much and I feel like we're just left here blowing in the wind. It's been 3 months and it still feels like my heart is broken but some how I'm still here and you will be too with one breath one step one day at a time. This is something that somebody on this website gave to me and I found it very helpful I hope u do as well...

Jul 22, 2012
coping with grief
by: Anonymous

my heart goes out to you heartbroken people how do we cope god knows only one day at a time is all we can cope with its 5! years since my soulmate passed and it seems like yesterday all i can offer you is that they do not leave us i have had proof 0f this they will help you and as time passes you will start to feel this it is a journey that noone can understand until you walk in those shoes love and god bless you mary m

Jul 22, 2012
my 35 days
by: Mari

Hi Shawn. I am truly sorry for your loss. It is very recent and you are going through a lot of mixed emotions.
Grieving takes time to go through. It is a gradual process. You have lost a loved one and need to take things a day at a time. There is no way around it.
Please take the time to thank God for the time that you had that lady you loved so much in your life. Rely on God to see you through. Just give all your sorrow over to him.Let go and let God help you.
Get yourself busy. I found that volunteering to help others helped me.Surround yourself with loved ones.
Shawn, when I think back to when I lost my husband (almost 3 years ago) I thought I would never make it through. But I did. Of course I will always miss him but I have gone on with my life.I have a lot of grandchildren and the little great granddaughter.My parents are still going strong and they are 85 and 86 years old and there for me.
The little great grand baby has brought me joy when I never thought I would feel it again. She is 1 1/2 years old. She gives kisses and high fives and is saying new words every day. God has a way of compensating.We will have sorrow but we will have joy too.In my worst days of grieving I just handed it all over to the Lord.
I had a dream of heaven and Jesus was there and my husband was there and he looked healthy and young.This dream gave me faith and inner strength.
Please do not give up. We are here for you. Keep posting. You are going to make it. And we care how you feel. We have been there.

Jul 22, 2012
my 35 days.
by: Doreen U.K.

Shawn I am sorry for the loss of the woman you loved and was going to marry one day. I am sorry for the loss of a mother to her two children. It is a very painfull grief. It is a sudden shock. You will be feeling numb. Don't know what to do.
2 Children have to be cared for and considered. Your partner's father will be grieving also of his only child. There is a lot to be considered. Perhaps it may be a good idea to get a bereavement counsellor for each of you in your own way to deal with this sudden death and loss of someone you all Loved.
You can only take grief one day at a time. And even this is hard to do for all of us facing a loss of the one we loved.
You are not Alone. But you still have your own journey of grief and it is still very painfull. You do wonder how you will cope and how you will go on without her. There are no easy answers. I hate life now. Since I lost my husband of 44yrs marriage to cancer. He died 10 weeks ago yesterday. Each day is a reminder he is not here. And I am all Alone. I watch everyone going on and making plans for holidays and breaks away and I am all alone with my grief. I find it hard to go on without the love of my life. We lived a very simple life. We never had any expectations. We just loved simple days out at gardening centres and parks. Just being in each other's company. Enjoying football, boxing, sport. Just to see Steve happy. I was happy. My world revolved around my family. This is all gone now. I have so much time. When I am in a better place I will have to restructure my life to doing something usefull to help others as this is my mission in life. But What. I don't know yet. the days are long and lonely and empty.
I hope you are able to get the support you need to go on in life and that it will all work out for you and you find that life gets easier with support.

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