My 3rd wedding anniversary without Richard

by Jen
(Northern Ireland)

Hi everyone,

Tomorrow 4th April would have been our 19 wedding anniversary, my third without Richard.
Life has dealt us a really bad deal and i hate that all this awfulness came into our lives uninvited.

Like everyone i have gone thro every emotion over and over, cried over and over, been lonely, well all the time, been angry over and over, flashbacks over and over but i have survived. I am a survivor of this unwanted journey and 2 yrs 4 months on i know i will be ok. Many of u are in early stages but it honestly gets a bit better as time goes on. I never thought i would say that as in Nov, only 4 months ago i felt i was drowning.
I have managed to deal with everything i have had to face and never thought i could ever do that.
I hope u all are doing ok and surviving this unwanted journey. Its mothers day today in northern ireland and i miss the man so much that i was lucky enough to be the mother of his beautiful children!!

Love to u all

Jen x

Comments for My 3rd wedding anniversary without Richard

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Apr 05, 2011
Kathy
by: Jen

Kathy.
I know u feel alone, and that will not change only get worse. We do however attempt to cope better with this as time goes on.
The loneliness is so hard to deal with but i put alot into this site and believe me i would not be where i am without these wonderful people/

Keep going ur doing well,
Keep in touch,


Jen x

Apr 04, 2011
grief
by: kathy

i lost my john 3 months ago today, we were together 8 years, we bought a home together, 3 years ago he was diagnosed with leukemia the first 2 years he was ok, the last year was not good, he passed away with me by his side, my grief is terrible, i feel alone and think of him 24/7

Apr 04, 2011
Anniversary without Richard
by: M Mack

Jen and Hope,

I guess the old saying that "time heals all wounds" is the motto. How it does that I'm not sure. The strong emotions I go through are real and entering the 9th month of grief, I see no way out of the constant thoughts, memories and wanting him back.

Jen is still harboring the pain but she has got her arms around it, sort of keeping it protected and filed it a private place in her heart. It's got to be the only way to live on....breath again. We need to find our path, make a new life without them. It shouldn't be a guilt thing either. Remember, our loves are in a special place. The dimension of where they are is endless and when we get better, they can move forward in their new world. So in a small way, I think we are really moving forward as a couple - his spirit is there to help you.
It would be so helpful if our spirit spouses would send us a few Brad Pitts and Patrick Dempseys and throw us a big pity party! Not..... Jen enjoy mothers day in Ireland and can't wait to get where you are. We are all good people with good hearts and minds. We deserve recovery and are entitled to be happy.

Apr 04, 2011
Happy Anniversary :)
by: TrishJ

Happy Anniversary ~ happy rememberance of all the beautiful memories that you and Richard shared.
Yesterday it was four months since my husband Joe died. I went to my usual grief support meeting ~ I came home feeling so strong and empowered. Then as I was drifting off to sleep I so clearly saw his face on that last day as he was gasping for breath and struggling to talk. I cried for an hour and slept a very restless sleep. Why did that happen? I was feeling so good and so strong before I called it a day and closed my eyes.
This grief journey can be so cruel at times. One good day followed by two horrible days ~ Up, down~up,down.
Blessings to you Jen. Yes ~ let's be eternally grateful for the beautiful children these wonderful husbands gave us. They are their legacy. Peace and Love to you.

Apr 04, 2011
Hope for our todays and tommorrows
by:

Jen,

I do not know how you let the past stay in the past without haunting our present and future.
I only bring this up knowing that birthdays anniversarys and Christmas are rough times. The first year was mind bogglingly painful. As I enter 4 months into the 2nd year I wonder how painful it will be. I do not want to forget nor can I forget my Love. There has to be a way that I can live life again without the memories strangling and defeating happiness.

This really is more of a question to myself. One that I can not answer at this time. Knowing that our Loves would want us to be happy and attaining
that happiness are two different things.

I know that you have someone caring for you now, even if it is just texting. How do we keep from being needy to fill what was and keep things in ________
"perspective" (need a thesaurus can't find the right word this morning.)

I wish you the best always even if I cannot finish my train of thought. Perhaps it is because I do not know the answer myself. I only know that we struggle to manage a new life without our True Loves. It is hard so hard. But somehow we will find meaning and fulfillment in this new life. It is what keeps me going. I hope it for you and everyone here who has had their life pulled out from under them.
HH

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