My alcoholic mum died alone

My mum was discovered a week ago dead at her house. She was a reclusive alcoholic who shut the world out and didn't want to be helped.

She didn't care how she lived and so never tidied up, instead just threw everything on the floor and so she lived in terrible condition.

We went to see her every two months or so and always tidied up and tried to get her to listen to us but she never would. We called all the services we could but we were told time after time that there was nothing anybody could do.

Recently we decided to take the advice from AA and try to detach ourselves from her as we had suffered for years and nothing ever seemed to change. We decided to let her know that we desperately wanted to help but she needed to ask for the help as we couldn't do it for her. For a while we stopped phoning regularly and did not go to see her for two months (we do not live in the same city).

Tragically she died very soon after we started trying this method and she lay undiscovered for about three weeks. I am absolutely devasated and feel so guilty that she died in this way, I keep thinking that if only I had gone to see her I might have prevented her death.

One of the worst things is that she died of unnatural causes, that is to say that her body did not give in, she had a fall and then died because she had not eaten or drunk anything. I can't believe how tragic her last week/days/hours have been and have no comfort at all.

There is going to be an inquest into her death. It pains me so much to not know why she died and why she did not ring anyone if she was suffering.

I don't know how I am going to cope?

Comments for My alcoholic mum died alone

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Aug 30, 2012
by: sam

My mum was an alcoholic i can relate to yout story.My mum wouldnt ask for help.when she died new years day 2012 she hadnt eaten for weeks. I took my mum to the doctors two days before she died as she had a nasty fall in the local shop the doctor said my mum needed stitches and to come back later for stiches but she was so intoxicated that she couldnt walk properly.I feel guilty because me and my mum was arguing alot before she died. I was in the house the night she passed away. I found her on the floor in the corner of the front room.I keep thinking that if i had come down to see her earlier i could have saved her life. I tried to bring her back to life but it was too late. Me and my mum was best friends we did everything together. She was only 41 when she died im in my early 20 s. In your mums defence alcoholism is an ilness in a way alcoholics cant help it.

Aug 01, 2011
by: Heidi

This is incredibly tragic. I found your post because my aunt was discovered dead after 12 days in her own home because she was also a reclusive alcoholic. Everyone in our family did everything they could to help her, including getting her into rehab 3 times and participating in rehab with her to try to help her heal. After 15 years of this it set in that there was nothing that could be done. I am also having a hard time with how she was found but I am finding solace in the fact that she can now be at peace. I'm so sorry for your loss and I am not sure how long ago this happened but I hope that you have been able to find peace and realize that there is nothing you could have done to help her. An alcoholic needs to want to help themselves and sometimes peace can only be found for them in passing. I don't think there is a normal way to feel, you need to feel however you are feeling and process it and it seems to me like you're doing that. Good luck with everything and again, I am so sorry for the loss.

Jun 09, 2011
My mum died alone
by: Anonymous

Thank you very much for your comment. I am finding it extremely hard to even start grieving her loss as I am still trying to deal with the way she died. It has been nearly a month and I am still in shock. In this normal?

May 27, 2011
by: Anonymous

Sorry to hear about your mum. I know what it is like to loose a mum in death, because mine died the same way yours did, except...i was the one who found her. Sorry again. Things do get better though.

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