My Angel Jordan, So Sadly missed. 17 years old and so much to live for!
Its been 7 months or so since my last posts and each day brings more emotions, some days are "ok days" and i can cope with the hell i'm in, and other days i just want to cry beacause i reaally really need to cuddle you. I miss our big cuddles, and your cheeky grin.
Life's not fair, I keep waiting for a sign but i know its my mind playing tricks, I still find it hard to take in that you decided to end it all, why? I'm looking for answers but find none, nothing makes sense anymore and nothing seems to make it any easier.
I'm full of regrets, if only i'd have called you back you may have told me. I dont show my grief to anyone anymore because the whole family was initially wiped out by you not being here and i think they are sick of me still grieving, I have my alone time, this is when i really feel like im going insane, going over and over that night and each day before.
I have to COPE because of your brothers and your sister however i just want to go away to the middle of a field get drunk and just scream and be left alone to feel my loss. like i said somedays i'm ok todays a bad day..
I really miss you Jordan, I really want to hold you and cuddle you, I'm not even sure if i truly believe i cant.
Missing you with an aching heart x x x Mum