My angel Tommy
How do I start this? My Tommy has been gone almost nine months now. He was just 42 years old.
He was a "special" needs child. He was profoundly handicapped and for the first 15 years of his life he lived at home with us.
After a major surgery he went to live in his new home, a pediatric nursing home. He was loved and cared for by aides and nursing staff. He did well, we visited weekly, sometimes more often.
As he got older he would have periodic bouts of illness that put him in the hospital. He would pull through illness after illness, knowing at some point that it would have to end.
A decision, was it a good one?, was made for him to move to a group home.
We had such big plans for that home. He lived closer to us now. So, we could visit, take him for walks in the neighborhood. He loved going outside for those walks. Have him come to our home for visits, maybe birthdays, holidays or for no reason at all.
From the beginning it didn't seem to go well. He wasn't eating well, was cold. He was prone to hypothermia.
He looked confused and scared, I could see it in his eyes. I wanted to hold him in my lap put my arms around him. But you see I could not do that. He was a big boy in a wheelchair. I did my best to
hug him while he sat in the wheelchair, but I wanted more. I wanted to hold him, whisper in his ear that he would be okay, that I loved him so much.
So, after only two months in his new home he got sick again and had to be rushed to a new hospital where he had never been a patient before. The other hospital, where he was often taken, the nursing staff knew Tommy.
I did my usual sitting by his side talking to him, speaking with nurses and doctors in the ED asking questions about what was wrong this time while waiting the hours it takes for him to be
Admitted to ICU. We had been through this before. Never dreaming it would be for the last time. We had talked it over the last few years, my husband and I , about each hospitalization may be his last.
Saying it doesn't mean you really believe it.
But he always pulled through, I guess I thought he would this time too.
The decision was made to take him off life support. We were going to lose him this time.
I wished I had gotten on his bed to lay down beside him to hold him in his last few hours! When he took his last breath.
I miss him terribly! I wish I could be with him one more time, to hold him, kiss him and hug him.