my angel

When I was nine years old, my grandmother past away. She was the most wonderful person in my life and it has been almost ten years since her death. I miss her a great deal because she was everything to me. I remember the day my mom told me she had a stroke and was in the hospital. I didn't think much of it being so young and she was always in the hospital since she had diabetes. She had both her legs taken while i was growing up and i guess i never understood the severity of her case until she did't wake up from her coma after the stoke. i still remember the last day I saw her before she went to the hospital. SHe looked so strong and so happy. I regret the way i acted that last time because she wouldnt let me spend the night with her so i was upset. It was almost like she knew something bad was going to happen but didnt want me to be there when it did. I know its crazy but i really think she could feel it coming. Those few weeks after she slipped into coma were miserable because when we were allowed to visit her, the doctors had her strapped down so she didnt pull out the tubes. What hurt the most though was that she woke up for a couple of days. She couldnt talk but she would blink at us and that is the last time i saw her. We left the hospital thinking a miracle had happened and she was getting better, but then she fell back into coma. Then, after a few days, my mom and grandpa and uncle and aunt made the decision to take her off life support. That night, she passed away in her sleep. My grandpa was by her side when she left. I remember the next morning, I woke up to sounds around 5am in our living room and went to see what it was. My family was out there and my mom called me to her and told me my grandma was in a better place. I just went pale, walked to my room, grabbed my blanket my grandma gave me and cried. I think the part that hurt the worse was the fact she woke up to say goodbye and then she just slipped away.I just wonder that if i had loved her a little more, maybe she would have fought a little harder to stay here. I know she was in pain and i guess that is the one thing that helps me with my pain is knowing hers is gone and thats all i ever want for her.

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Sep 23, 2013
my angel
by: Doreen UK

You were only 9 years old and couldn't process the whole aspect of death and dying. Adults try their best to protect the children from this aspect of dying thinking they are too young to know what is going on so some children repress their feelings and then it resurrects itself years later which is why you are feeling the way you are just now. Repressed feelings have a way of pressing for resolution.
You can't over love a person. It is called smothering a person with love and works the opposite way. It is called POSSESSION. Often our love can become possessive. As part of human nature we will always feel we didn't do enough, or if we had done such and such the person would have lived longer. But in REALITY. This is not true. We all have a certain life span and it is God who dictates our time of birth and death.
Your grandmother is out of pain and this is what is important. My mother died 10 years ago and I didn't grieve for her as much as I thought. When I lost my husband 16 months ago I suddenly felt my grief for her more like a trigger of emotion from my grief of my loss of my husband. Which is why grief stored causes more deeper pain. You will in time be able to grieve better since you have become more mature in age and emotions.

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