My Antonio

by Juliet
(Pecos, NM)

I had my Tonio when I was 21 years old he was a funny, jokey kind of person, the light and center of all who were fortunate to have known him. He was killed in a car accident, October 29,2012, at the age of 28, he was driving too fast and was not wearing his seatbelt, he was killed instantly! At first I was numb and didn't feel a thing, my mind told me it was real, but I couldn't face it! Now almost 2 years later, I can't stop thinking of him and crying at the drop of a hat! My faith gives me the most comfort but at times there doesn't seem to be anything to help me, I miss him so terribly! I have constant thoughts as to where he is, whether I will remember his voice his face his laughter, I am so afraid to lose him completely, I look everywhere, books the internet, something to give me solace! Trying to comfort the pain of my only son I have left and his desperation, only compounds what I am going through! I don't believe I will get beyond this. I felt like I needed to post this, because I know that there are other folks who feel the same.

Comments for My Antonio

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Aug 08, 2014
by: Michelle

I too feel the same a year and a half after my 22 year old daughter Megans death. I search but have no clue what I am searching for. I am here but where is here... Nothing makes sense. I wake up every night full of fear.

Aug 08, 2014
My Antonio
by: Doreen UK

Juliet to lose a child/adult child is a mother's worst nightmare. A loss that cuts so deep it hurts beyond anything one can imagine. You carried that son in your body for 9 months and reared him to become the man he was. Oh! how I hurt for every mother who loses a child/adult child. Losing my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago leaves me so vulnerable to losing any one of my 3 Adult children. I have to Pray all the time every day for their safety and protection from all harm and danger. I couldn't bear this loss. I would never recover from losing any one of my adult children. My heart hurts just thinking about this. Having Faith in God helps me cope with life and this Hope of seeing my husband and mother again helps me go on ONE DAY AT A TIME. It is only the body that dies. The Soul which is the Spirit (breath of life) goes back to God who gave it ready to be resurrected when Jesus comes back for those who have accepted Him by Faith. It may take years to recover from grief, and loss of our loved ones. But we will recover.

Aug 08, 2014
Our sons
by: Kate

My son died Nov 2012 and no one gets it but one who has lost a child. There is nothing as horrible. I am on a year and a half. I have gone through numbness,shock,pain,sorrow,all of it up and down over and again and there is no answer to why. Yes,on here we do know what you are saying. My heart hurts with yours. It is the most horrid walk ever. I write here because it helps me express where I am not turned away and I am understood and I can speak to others who hurt as I do. Love to you. I too have God as my strength and help but it is so hard!!

Aug 08, 2014
We are here
by: Anonymous

Juliet - First I am so sorry for the loss of your son. 28 is so young.. I lost my son 3 1/2 yrs ago at the very same age. I have struggled with the same things as you. I miss his laughter, miss hearing his voice. Everyone has their own timeframe for grieving but something has changed for me in the last couple of months - there is a numbness for me now that blocks out some of the pain. I offer my excperience to you in hopes that you know that maybe one day down the road the pain wont be so raw for you. The longing for my son is still deep in my heart and I still shed many tears. I feel my faith has helped me most of all and I praise the Lord for the peace he has put in my heart. I hope you find some comfort in these few words.

Aug 08, 2014
I am so sorry!
by: SoSadDad

Juliet, I wish I could say or do something to take away your pain. I have lost two daughters and like you, the second year was terrible. I don't know your situation, but I believe you need to find someone to talk to, who will listen with patience and compassion. That's often difficult in our situations, because so many are unsure what to say, and sometimes avoid us out of fear of upsetting us. What they don't understand is that we're upset anyway, and a good ear is a comfort. I pray that you have some support. I suggest that you look up Compassionate Friends and see if there is a local chapter near you. They are suffering parents just like us, they understand, and they listen. There is no cost; they are not counselors, just sympathetic, loving parents who know what it is to lose a child. God bless you!

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