my baby angel

by dylan love
(morwell victoria)

My name is dylan i am 21 and going through depression. It all started when i was 16 it was just a typical day for a 16 yr old male fighting with the parents hanging with friends. February 13th would change my life for ever.... my mum had gotten a phone call from my step dads sister saying that there taken my 2 and half yr old brother connor to the hospital he had drinken some poison. They picked mum up and rushed to the hospital. Connor was discharged the next day byt was later tajen back as he couldnt keep anything down not even water. His mouth was burnt and so was his throat, he started to cough up blood so the doctors sent him to the royal childrens hospital in melbourne. Once he was there he was put in a coma becuase if the pain he was in. Mum stayed down at the hospital with connor whilenmy stepdad looked after me and my other brothers and sister. We told the family to co,e around because mum was giing to ring to tell us some information about what was happening. We got told that connor would have a 50/50 chance of surviving. They did all they could o keep him alive but the damage was so surver that he passed away on the 23rd of march 2006. I was the only brother to go the viewing(which i do regret doing..... of a night time all i see is my brother laying in a coffin) i blamed myself for it even though he was nit in my care or in the same house as me. I tried ti kill myself many of times. With the support of friends i learnt to accept it wasnt my fault an that no one is blaming me . I was told that the pain will become easier but for that to happen it gets harder first im nit sure how ling it will take it has been 7 years since that haoened and the pain is still the same. I have come to terms he is not coming back and it has taken me 6 years to do so. I would never wish this on my worst enemy no matter how much i hate them.going to school after his death was hard most people supported me teachers students whereas other students thought they would make a joke of it....
The only thing i can say to someone that is going through the same situation as myself and alot of other people dint turn to drugs or alcohol that just numbs the pain but in the end it makes you mire depressed. Talk to people about write in a diary your memory's and fun times you had with them..i never did that and now i am going through more of a depression now then before because i bottled it all up in side.

Thank you for reading my story.

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Mar 01, 2013
my baby angel
by: Doreen U.K.

Dylan I am so sorry for your loss of your brother and for the depression you are now suffering. YES! you are right it is never good to bottle up your feelings as it does turn to depression. I know a lot about depression. You are a very Wise young man to know not to turn to drugs or alcohol. I strongly recommend you to try some grief counselling since things haven't improved in 7yrs. It is a very wise thing to do now. As difficult as it is grief repressed causes difficulties in life and your depression will only get worse. I waited 40yrs so had to spend many years in counselling. You are young and would need fewer sessions. No matter how expensive it was and how painful. I DID IT. I have no regrets. It was the best thing I did for myself and I now live life without depression. Yes it does work if you get the right counsellor and support for yourself.
It is sad that your school work was affected by cruel people. You can go on to live a better more productive life. You will have better relationships also. You will become a Whole person and perhaps even resolve the difficulties with your parents where you were always having conflict which is not unusual for young people to run in with the Oldies.
One of the most painful experiences is seeing your loved one lying in a coffin. Painful for most of us. These are the memories that haunt me after seeing my husband lying in his coffin. He died 10 months ago from a deadly cancer. Life is never the same after we lose someone we love to Death. Your life will improve in time. Do the work in counselling and life will get better. You won't look back and wish you hadn't done it. Your life will get better. You are a brave young man. Be proud of yourself for writing here your story. This is the first step to Healing from this tragedy. May you be Blessed in Life and be Happier in time. Best wishes.

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