My baby Mimi
by Jesse Salcedo
One of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make is putting down my little Mimi. She was a Chihuahua. She gave us 16 happy years. She was our precious jewel of the family. I am still in so so so much pain and grief. It all happened so sudden. On June 4, 2011 I took my Mimi to the vet she would not eat I knew something was wrong. They ran some tests and found that she had worms. Gave her an injection and gave me some meds for her. This vet told me that she would b hungry again in a few hours. Monday comes and she still would not eat. I really began to worry because if she doesn't eat I could not give her seizure medication orally. I took her back and had her see her original vet. After a much more theral exam she found an infection on the wall of her intestine that is what kept her from eating. They began treatment and also gave her the Keppra for her seizures. She was recovering well. My vet was confident on letting her go home with me after she had eaten some food. It wasn't but 10 minutes later as I was heading out the door she calls me back and tells me that she just had a grandmal seizure. Now Mimi would need to stay longer for more observation. By mid afternoon I called to check on her condition and the information I got was that there was no improvement. I said to her maybe she just needs to see me. She's depressed and lonely. Seeing me would cheer her up. As I got there the nurse took me back and there I saw my baby Mimi asleep under the towel. I called to her and she did not respond. There was instant worry. It took her about half a minute to realize that I was there. She tried to stand but wasn't able to. She had lost all complete functions of her legs and neck. She could barely keep her eyes open. I helped her up to my arms. She would not make a move, she knew she was in my arms again. I went to the quiet room with my Mimi and the doctor. I felt the pain that Mimi was feeling. She tried to move, I sat her on the floor and she valiantly tried to stay up on all fours. Her fur around her chest had completely fallen due to the seizure. I can see her muscles they looked somewhat bruised. It was then when I made the painful decision to put her down. I cried my heart out. I wasn't gonna let her pass away in a cold environment. Out of respect for my baby she is going to her home, in her bed and spend her final hours. Just days before I had contacted this place called Paws in Paradise. I was just asking for quotes for crematory and memorial services preparing for the future incase the inevitable happens. Little did I know that i was goin to need their services right away. So I made the arrangements for them to come to my home and euthanize her. I bring my Mimi home, I lay her on her bed and before you know it she springs up. She knows she's home. She again tries to show me that she is fine and ok don't worry about me by trying effortlessly to stand and walk. This time she's got her eyes wide open. She looks at me and I can read what she is saying, I can pull through. She gave me hope when she slowly walked to her water bowl and drank. I picked her up and just as I did she had a seizure. She gave me second thoughts about having her euthanized up until she had this seizure. She then layed her head up under my neck and I felt the heaviness. Her head felt like a magnet to my chest. That was her way of hugging me. Again I felt her pain I knew then that she had given up she wanted it all to end. I had one hour left before they would arrive for the inevitable. My mother and sister had arrived to pay respect. I took my Mimi outside in the yard and walked around her favorite walk through areas. Gave hwer the chance to see daylight for the last time. I'm in shock I knew what was going to happen but she didn't. I cried and apologized to Mimi. I told her that you are in so much pain and the suffering has to stop. I went online onto youtube and searched for her song. I danced a slow walts with her in my arms to the song Angel by Sarah Mclaghlin.... The doctor arrives, I'm in sudden fear for Mimi but I know that it's the right thing to do. As they prepare I'm sitting on the sofa with Mimi in my arms. I'm crying my heart out to my Mimi and repeatedly saying I'm sorry. The doctor gives her a sedative. Now she is resting and not feeling a thing. My little baby I'm sorry. I said the words that hurt the most, It's time. They inject her with the chemical, with my hand on her stomach I could feel her take her last breath. My little girl was gone, Oh my precious .... She passed on June 6, 2011. This went so unexpected. Too much of a short notice. That's why I'm still in shock, still traumatized by the whole thing. The hardest thing for me to do is letting her go. As a result I catch myself talking to her as if she was still here. I hear her bark and her little growls when she is upset with me. As I arrive home from work I can hear her bark at the front door. I open the door and say, Mimi I'm home come her I wanna carry you , I miss you and she's not here. She gave us so much happiness and I spoiled her like if she were my own daughter. Actually she was my daughter. She is part of the family. She was one of a kind the best friend that a man could ever have. She never knew how to stop loving me and in return I loved her back. We had a verrry strong bond. She always thought she was human. She had her own chair at the dinner table. With her front legs on the table she would look at us and say with her eyes, so where's my plate? She was quite a character..... I am not at peace and as long as I am not she isn't either. I have no desire to eat, I don't want to breathe. All I want is my Mimi to be back in my arms. Though I force myself to continue on living just the way i have been. It's hard feeling lonely. I don't like to isolate myself. Thank God I don't drink nor drug. This is something I wouldn't hide away from. Processing through these feelings will give me growth and experience. She's my baby and deserves the respect to be cremated and put in a beautiful urn with her picture on it and with her paw print. I have a long way to go and I will appreciate and words spiritual uplift. Please pray for me and my Mimi. Thank you
|
|
