My Babydoll is gone.

by Terry Turner
(Peoria, Ohio)

June 25, 2013. She drives my truck to town for a doctor's appointment. She stops at the pharmacy to fill a prescription afterwards.

On her way home, something goes wrong. She slips off the right side of the road, clips a mailbox, and tries to correct. She goes left of center and hits another vehicle head-on.

Bang. She's dead at the scene, essentially at the point of impact.

Broad daylight. Perfect weather, nice and dry. Bright sunshine. Not using her cell phone. No mechanical issues with the truck. Just bang.

Just bang.

The guy in the other vehicle is OK after a couple days in the hospital -- thank God! But my Babydoll is gone, and I'll never know why.

It hurts more than I know how to say.

The word "disconnect" has gotten to be one of my favorites. I'm having a really rough time reconciling the before with the after. I've always had faith that there is some "why" connected with every event. But I don't see the "why" for this one. My wife was probably the worst driver I've ever known, but she had managed to muddle through for 32 years without getting herself killed. She wasn't any worse than usual on June 25. But that Tuesday, thanks to some horrendous error -- by all accounts, her error -- she died just four miles from her front door.

Just bang.

Comments for My Babydoll is gone.

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Sep 17, 2013
my babydoll is gone
by: silver

I think it's ironic that you should use the word "bang".I think it's so apt when we send on a loved one,esp.if it's unexpected.My mother went that way.Alive one minute then bang,gone.I believe in GOD and I believe he has a plan for all of us.YES it's so very hard to let them go.YES it tears out our heart.NO we don't understand,esp if they are young.What holds me together(my husband died May 2011) is that I believe I will see him again one day.I'm glad he knew I loved him and told him often.We raised 4 kids and he lived long enough to see his first great-grandchild born(he was 58).Our marriage was like others:some arguing,some bad days and lots of good days.I hold onto those memories: things he used to say,his sense of humor,movies he liked, how he treated me,etc.Grief is normal.If you didn't love her you wouldn't grieve.Give yourself time.I found out in therapy that the avg time of strong grieving is 18 months. Some are able to get going sooner,some longer.My darling husband used to say(his mother died one yr before we got married)"It never goes away,but it does get easier."Remember your love with fondness and keep her memories alive.It helps me to talk about him with others.I still have a bad time here and there but it is easier now.GOD bless you and send you strength and peace.I keep all of us in my prayers

Sep 15, 2013
I know your pain
by: Lawrence

It’s called FATE and we are all the victims to it in one way or another.
We all make mistakes when we are driving, the person that doesn’t hasn’t been born yet.
Yet this error cost your beloved wife her life and you a lifetime of heartache and tears and there are no words to help you get over this overwhelming grief.
It’s still very early to even try to understand your pain but as the months pass you will find the tears and the agony of her not being with you will slightly get that little bit less, I know you find this hard to believe but there is a time limit on grief and you will know when that time arrives.
I know from my own aching heart that this does happen.
Read all our stories on this web site and perhaps you will understand the horror you are going through has been felt by us all.
Take care.

Sep 14, 2013
My Babydoll is gone
by: Doreen U.K.

Terry I am sorry for your loss of your wife to a tragic car accident that claimed her life. There is no pain like the loss of a partner. None of us knows when we get behind the wheel what will happen. WE just hope that we will be safe and alive. So many fractured lives from such an accident. To lose a life partner is a very painful grief. You may feel as if you will never recover, and "How can you go on without her?" It will be harder for you because this was a sudden death.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 16 months ago to lung cancer caused by working with Asbestos. I have a long journey of grief. But the secret to healing is by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. You will heal from your grief in time. Don't give up!!!

Sep 14, 2013
by: SansCoeur

Terry, I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost the great love of my life suddenly. For me it is nearly a year and if I look back at how I was doing at 3 months, you seem to be about where I was. All of us here know your pain and bewilderment. Three months usually is a long time but in grief-time it is very short. Grief is a wondrous process and if you let it go where it needs to and at its own pace, you will come through to a place on the other side. Hold onto this. It's far from easy, but it will happen if you let it.

You ask why did this happen? I'd like to share something with you in case it helps. I now strongly believe that each of us has a time to die, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. People who "beat" cancer or heart disease? It wasn't their time to go. People who don't -- it was their time. People who die from suicide -- they simply did it at the right time. Life allowed them to go. People who attempt suicide, and fail for some reason -- it wasn't their time to go. And so on.

I have a sister who killed herself years ago. I never understood "why" until late last year.

Right after my love died I decided to die myself: to follow him. There was nothing on this earth holding me here. (there still isn't) All of his family were in another country and couldn't come here, so I was the only one who could handle things. After the funeral we split the ashes and I carried half home for the family's memorial service. So, the first month was incredibly busy for me. I lived through all of that holding onto the knowledge that I was going to die very soon after the memorial. It was all that got me through that time. And then, one morning just a few days after the memorial, I woke up knowing I would not be doing it after all. I can't explain it except by saying that Life let me know while I slept that it wasn't my time to go.

My love was taken home on the back of a huge heart attack. Your Babydoll was taken home on the back of a car accident. It was their time to go. We can't know the reason -- if there is one, I'm not saying there is -- but at was their time to go. There's nothing more we can say.

We're not supposed to understand everything. Life is mysterious and unknowable to we mortals. Maybe one day we will understand it, when we are on the other side of the veil and reunited with our lost ones.

I wish you all the very best with your grief process. I'm so sorry you lost someone so precious to you. My heart goes out to you.

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