My beautiful baby boy Blake

by Georgie
(South West UK)

My beautiful Blakey x

My beautiful Blakey x

On the morning of February 13th, 2012, I found my son Blake had fallen asleep and never woken up, he looked asleep but as soon as I awoke that morning I just knew. He wasn't wriggling. My partner too did CPR and we even took Blake in the ambulance, God they tried but said he had already been gone for an hour or two. He was still warm. I think the first thing I felt- Pure ANGER. WHY was Blake chosen to go ? Such a happy contented baby. And what made me angry most of all was the fact that everyone else was going about their lives, I felt like standing in the middle of the Earth and shouting 'Excuse me ! My son has died, my beautiful 10 week old baby boy is gone so you damn well STOP'. Soon these feelings turned to guilt, did he have an underlying problem I never spotted ? How can I have carried on sleeping, surely as a mother I would have awoke and implicitly known he was in danger, i.e. not breathing ? It was only three and a half weeks ago so I am still trying to work through this grief. I feel like I don't want my life anymore and don't deserve it, I also have a beautiful daughter who is 6 and a supportive partner but all I want at the moment is Blake, and no that doesn't make me selfish at all. For the rest of my life I will have questions, would Blake have liked this ? or, He would have been starting school today......... and to me, the prospect of the rest of my life without my Blake is just a thought I can't see happening.
I can swear sometimes I feel him around me still, as scientists have proven that energy changes, therefore I see Blake as being another, different form of energy, i.e his soul, but don't know whether it's just the rational part of my brain saying, that's what you WANT to happen. I visited him many times in the hospital mortuary or the funeral home, because although I knew his soul wasn't there, I wanted to look at the beautiful, perfect shell we had created. I hate old people at the moment for having their long life, also people that it hasn't happened to.
I hope that in time I feel Blake more, that is the only thing that will bring me peace, the ONLY thing.

Comments for My beautiful baby boy Blake

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Sep 26, 2012
:(
by: Georgie

I'm not going to lie, some days are better than others by a long shot, but we incorporate Blakey into our everyday life and still talk to him, we are even planning a memorial garden to be done after Christmas. If I didn't believe I'd see Blake again I couldn't carry on, but I know we will be reunited with our beautiful babies xx

Sep 26, 2012
Beautiful Faye
by: Anonymous

I lost my beautiful baby grand daughter 5 weeks ago in the same circumstances, i am absolutely devastated she was only 10 weeks and perfectly healthy, it hurts so much that she isn't here and all I keep thinking is why?, life is so very cruel, and don't know how an earth I'm going to get over this.

Mar 13, 2012
Thank you x
by: Georgie

Your comments are very welcome, so few people that I know are aware of the kind of pain and injustice that comes with not 'going' before your baby, I have had a couple of signs since that Blake is still with me and I hope that you both get many in the future too....... I do really believe nobody 'dies' just changes form, just that I want to hold my little man again :(

Mar 09, 2012
so loved by Jesus in your pain
by: Anonymous

I lost my little boy at four hours old, I recall missing him all the time, and I cried and cried and had all the feling you had. then one night he came in my dream as a small angel but he was sad he carried a little bucked with water and he said mom it is so hard I have to carrie all you tears...I am happy and I will always love you, please know I am with you, around you Jesus needs me to help all the other baby's that come to him, so please be happy till you can hug me again.
then I woke up.....and knew he was around smiling, and my healing began with thanking Jesus for allowing him to come in my dream.

Mar 09, 2012
feel your pain
by: rayolife

Georgie,
I know the sudden tragedy of losing your son. I'm still angry after 3 1/2 years. Yes, the world keeps going as if nothing ever happened! Only a very few of your friends will be there for you. Cry, shout, read books, journal, talk to others who have lost their children. You'll be in shock at least 6 months. Volunteer for an organization that will honor your son's memory. You will feel his spirit around you at various times. It's a long and difficult roller coaster ride. Hang on tight! Blessings to you.

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