My Beautiful Best Friend Bandit - My one true love

by Pam
(Connecticut)

Bandit boy

Bandit boy

I just read Sandy's (from Philly) sorrow and I feel everything she is feeling. Bandit my black lab mix and I moved into this home together when he was just a puppy. For 13 years Bandit and I have done everything together - travel across country, go to Canada, drive up north for every season, look for moose together, swim, hike, laugh, snuggle, smootch, play, relax, camp.. and on and on...

I loved who I was when I was with him and we just had such an amazing love for each other; unlike anything I've ever experienced with another human. People who met him and knew him use to say he was like a human. He was so incredibly intelligent and observant and just truly blew my mind how amazing he was and the things he would do.

I never thought this day would come, but on on June 17, 2010 he passed. He left me alone without him and I can't stop crying and missing him. There's nowhere to go that he and I haven't been. I just can't wait for the day we're reunited to see his beautiful spirit and kiss him. I love you Bandit.

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Jul 30, 2014
A love that words couldn't possibly attempt to explain
by: Dee Dee's mama

I lost my sweet little black Pomeranian. She died in my arms. I had appointments set to have assistance from the vet at our home but cancelled each time because I knew Dee Dee didn't want to leave me. Each moment each minute was cherished and priceless time. I couldn't bring myself to wake her up for an appointment with the doctor to be put down. I just couldn't. I never saw a dog when I looked at her I saw a baby, a cherished sweet gift from God, a baby for me to love. From the second week I had her when she was first brought to sleep in bed with me I have touched her belly several times a night every night for nearly 14 years to be sure she was breathing, I have feared loosing my love. Because of that I have truly cherished each and every day with her. Anyway, I dreamed that I was going to loose her shortly before she was diagnosed. The dream though not exact, was pretty real. The good news then is that prior to that dream I dreamed of wearing a white cotton type gown in bare feet on the softest grass ever and picking up Dee Dee from the grass and dancing with her and cuddling her in a complete peace and tranquility we went inside a beautiful castle like place that was a church I could feel His presence but couldn't see Him. What I realized was that we were some place in Heaven then I woke up. Dreams that I have had have convinced me that we will unite again. When She was in the process of passing naturally it was painful for her and I. I'm not going to lie, but it was so beautiful. I held her and talked to her assuring her that she must go to our Creator and I will be there when I can, to please watch and wait for me, that life on earth is not that long but when I see her again I will never go away again, that God loves her even more than I am capable of so that is a very powerful love, that we will certainly be united again because of that great love...For a few moments both of our hearts were pounding together against each other pounding like crazy in no normal type heart beat but doing so as one, then there was a calm and not long after it was the last kiss goodbye for this way of being together and she was gone. I got her ashes back the next day in a nice tin. I didn't feel right it wasn't the place. There was a fluttering in the chimney I opened the stove door and there was nothing. The next day I found the perfect place for the ashes until they get buried with me. A beautiful box I had always thought would be the spot. I used it to keep my favorite prayer cards. Once I got everything set up for the perfect memorial the next day with candle, and flowers...I heard the fluttering in the wood stove again! I opened up the door and this time a bird flew out it flew quite calmly to land on a ledge in the kitchen, I opened up the door said come on baby, you need to come this way and it calmly flew right out the door. There is much that I could say and tell but the point that I wanted most to bring up is the fact that I was devastated and crying so much. I have a 3 yr old little girl who is quite spiritual, possibly an old soul. It's just her and I now, but she came to me one time and said to stop crying because it is upsetting Dee Dee because she doesn't know how to make me feel better. Another time when I thought she was asleep I held the blanket and just imagined it was Dee Dee and my child grabbed my arm and said "don't be sad Mama, she is just playing with her friends, she is having fun, that is good to do isn't it? Have fun? She digs in the dirt to look down at you, she looks in at us a lot, when you get so sad she starts really digging, she wants to get to you and she might fall, we will see her when we get to Heaven too Mama when it is our turn we will bee there with her." That is when I realized, all I need is a touch of faith, I need to think like a child. It is the fear and the little bit of doubt that really made me the most sad. That little girl opened my eyes I was then able to trust and have faith. Sure I miss her, tremendously, but this journey will take me to her again. Then I wondered was it my child I saw dancing with Dee Dee? There were no mirrors, how could I have been watching myself dance with her in the grass? Yes little girl with the old soul, we will be with our Dee Dee in Heaven when it is our turn! You all will not cry once you reach those you love, it will be happiness and love there forever! Have faith.

Sep 26, 2011
Year later...
by: Bandit's Mom

It's been one year and 3 months and the pain still hurts from losing my best friend. I come to this site and try to respond to people's stories.. almost grateful that I'm not back in that brutal pain again. But I feel so so sorry for everyone who posts and is suffering. I was there. But the pain is all the same... we don't know how to not hurt. When we lose an animal we all hear the same lectures and quotes and I personally hated all of that. Nothing anyone is going to say will make you feel better. When I first lost my boy no one would let me talk about him because I would cry and that would freak people out so I just didn't discuss it.. held it all in. Tried grief counseling because my whole life changed; that didn't work. So after 10 months of being in the house that Bandit and I shared and missing him all the time I packed up and moved to Alaska. And yes, the pain followed. Not as sharp but it's always there. I think of how much he would have loved it here and wish that he were here to experience it all with me. I think its great that those of you who get another dog are able to do so. I can't. I bring cookies to the pet shelter but I can't bring a dog home. Bandit was just too wonderful and I'm afraid I would compare another dog to him. I still find comfort in the stars at night.. stars are holes in the floor of Heaven and still go outside to talk to my love. The summer here was tough though with no darkness and no stars and I missed that. For all of you going thru this hell.. hang in there, I won't say "time heals" or any thing of the sort, i'll just say the pain lessens. As I always said to my boy,, "save my seat, I'll see you soon Bandit Boy"

Nov 24, 2010
thanks Lindy
by: Pam

Thinking of you too Lindy and I'm sorry you had a tough day. I don't think our lives are suppose to be the same as they were. Too bad you didn't live so far away, we could go for a walk and talk about our loves.

I come to this site too because there's something about reading other people's words that makes us really feel that we're not so alone. Yeah, maybe in the day to day - doing our own grieving, but that there are people who truly loved their dogs with their whole hearts as you and I did and do.

Please feel free to write to me - blacklabmix@aol.com - and vent all you would like; especially with the holidays coming... I wish we could jump to Jan 2. Hugs for you and Chance. Pam

Nov 21, 2010
thinking of you
by: Lindy

Just thinking of you today as I have had a hard day missing Chance and remembering there are others grieving that understand. Hugs to you today
Lindy

Nov 11, 2010
thanks Chances Mom
by: Pam

Well it's almost 6 months and I still long for Bandit and our life together. Since he's been gone I just feel so unloved. Humans genuinely just don't care about humans - briefly sure, but in the big picture not so much. I've never in my life have loved someone so much as Bandit and I still feel numb and angry ?? Everyone keeps saying it takes time but time is just a reminder that he's gone and that life has not and will not be the same.

Oct 10, 2010
still hurting too...
by: Linda, Chance's mommy

Thanks for your comments, Bandit's love...

One day at a time, has always what I have said. And every day I cry a little, and some days a lot. You are right the night is the hardest, no Chance cuddling at my feet or asking to get under the covers. Now that it is getting cooler, I am feeling his absence even more. I finally went on a walk to the park but cried. I miss my buddy so much. No I've never had that relationship with a human. Humans betray you, Chance never did.

One day it will be easier. Someone offered me another dog and I almost caved in.... but I don't think I should do that, yet, when my husband wants to go on vacation. I don't care one way or the other.

Treading water, keeping my head above most days... and i know that it will get better, and I will be able to love another buddy... and remember with thankfulness that I had Chance for awhile. but I sure miss him....

Thinking of you today, and praying for you...

Oct 06, 2010
Still hurting
by: Bandit's Mom

I think I was numb when I came to this site looking for some type of comfort - and reading everyone's sad stories does provide a comfort in knowing that there are people hurting as bad as I am. But it has been 3 months since I lost my Bandit and the pain is still hell. When Bandit passed something in me too had died. I lost my love, my lifestyle, my joy, my best friend, my passion for life. I can't let go. I wish to God he was still here with me. I loved our life together and I know Bandit would never have wanted to leave me. I feel so sad thinking he's in Heaven and all alone and wondering what happened to me and why he isn't with mom and in his home.

I'm angry all the time and I have tried even going to talk to a priest. Nothing consoles. Family and friends don't know what I'm going thru and I don't want to talk to anyone because I'm so sad. How are we suppose to live without our loves? How are we suppose to be happy again when are hearts long so bad? I wish someone had the answers.

Sep 04, 2010
Bandit's finest
by: Russ

Hi Pam,
I read your words and my heart goes out to you - just as I see the pain and love in each of those who have left comments here. I believe that although our bodies decline to a point where they can no longer contain our spirits - our spirits go on. You will see Bandit again someday. Think of him in his finest hour - his coat glossy - his smile white - his muscles rippling under his black coat - and that is how he is now - waiting for you, his sweet friend, to join him. We all must go on and fulfill the lives that we have set before us. Our friends await us - and how joyful that will be when we are all reunited.

~Russ

Sep 04, 2010
Our loves
by: Pam

Cici, had you planned on moving or did you move because of Prince? I'm glad to hear you can breathe a little easier. I'm still struggling with what to do next. It's so painful being here but do I leave, and leave my boy's memories behind? I long for peace and I hope your new home brings you peace and comfort too. How is it so far?


Sep 02, 2010
Bandit your true love
by: cici's Princes mom

Hi just a Little note. Yes it gets a little better we are in our new home. I believe Prince like it here, I stop crying but I still miss my baby so so much, at night is the hardest cause my routine has changed so much, taking him for his walk and get him ready for bed, he used to love the covers and would sleep right through the night. Now I still feel lost but now I can breathe a little easier, I know he is with us and he comes to comfort me. God how much I miss him, in my heart we will meet again I know it and believe it. I will also get to meet your best friend Bandit. I know he is watching over prince as prince him. Well good night and hope tomorrow it get a little easier for you as well. God bless and keep you in his grace and hope you will find that peace we so desire, bye for now.

Sep 01, 2010
thank you too
by: Bandit's Mom

Thank you Prince's Mom... I'm not so sure if it is getting easier. Bandit's birthday was Sunday and I went to the lake that we went to all the time. It hurt so bad. In 2 months I haven't gone to any of the trails/parks that we went to and now I know I can't. I truly believe that our love with our animals is so pure that when we lose them there's just no words to describe the pain. I hope you are coping ok. I don't want to leave here because I feel like Bandit is "here" and our memories. But if I do I'll always be sad. I'm contemplating moving across the country. A new start - and no, not a new dog.. the guilt would kill me. Prince's Mom, do you see yourself getting a new dog? Are you still crying a lot? Thank you for your comment. I know the angels are taking care of Bandit and Prince and that they're getting lots of belly rubs, cookies, love and playing with each other - until we see them again.. yeah!

Aug 24, 2010
Thank you
by: Cici Prince Mom

I want to say thank you so much for those words, It really touch my heart, I'm so sorry for your lost. I believe Bandit has encounter with Prince, and they are playing and have a time of fun, and I feel that I just connected with someone who really know my pain. Again thank you for those words it gets a little easier, Prince died on July 11, 2010 but in my heart he is still with me, and You and I will see our babies again and of course they will be excited that we have meet through our griefs. So be strong and I will have you in my prays as well as Bandit........

Jul 25, 2010
Hugs
by: Chrisula

Hugs for you Pam...you are in my thoughts. God bless you XO

Jul 21, 2010
thank you Sarah
by: Pam

Thank you Sarah. I'm not sure if it does get easier,,, i think i'm just getting numb. I still cry and miss him terribly every day. He was my joy and comfort and I don't have that with anyone else. How old was Bailey? And you mentioned tragic and I'm truly sorry, but what happened? Gosh, I hope you're ok as well. If you want to chat via email - blacklabmix@aol.com. Do you have another dog? I can't do it.. okay, you take care as well and thank you for your warm response.

Jun 27, 2010
So sorry for your loss
by: sarah m

I am so sorry to here about the loss of your beautiful boy. I recently lost my black lab Bailey who was also like a human. It has been 4 months since her tragic death and I still have good days and bad. I really feel for you and know what you're going though, hang on in there and be strong, it will get easier. unfortunatley our pets are only sent to us for a short time. We will love and miss them always, never forget them and hope that one day we will be reunited. Take care and look after yourself

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