My Beautiful Boy

by FES
(San Antonio)

On 08 October 2011 I lost my beautiful boy to a drug overdose. He was three days shy of his twenty-second birthday. He was such a wonderful son that I will always miss him. I sit in front of this computer crying, as I so often do these days, wondering if the pain will ever pass. I know he made his mistakes and would regret them if he were alive, but why did God make him pay so dearly, so young. I miss him so much, I think of him always. Sometimes I feel as if I am losing my mind. The only relief is knowing that he is no longer suffering. I am writing this in hopes that it will help me cope.

Comments for My Beautiful Boy

Click here to add your own comments

Feb 09, 2012
Lost my oldest son to OD
by: Markita

I can feel your pain as I lost my oldest son to a heroine/cocaine OD. The extremely sad thing is I had NO idea he was doing that. Back in April, 2011 I bought my EX out of our house so my two boys (24 and 22) would not be homeless because the EX said he would kick them out if he bought me out. On July 26, 2011 his friend from down the street drove by the house and saw his car in the middle of the day, knowing he should be at work he called him, text him. Nothing. Finally he called my youngest son and ask for the combination to the garage keypad. He went in about 4 pm and found him dead in his bed. I was in total shock when my son called me as i was on my way home from work. I was speeding and crying in the car stating to myself "I have to get home to my son". When I got home the police would not allow me in the house for over 2 hours. After his death, THEN people finally came out of the woodwork and said they knew it. I was so hurt because him and I had a special mother/son bond. He told me EVERYTHING. Unfortunately this is one of the most important things in his life he forgot to tell me. I still cry every day, I am still in a zombie-like state, I have tried group therapy, a certified councilor, a psychologist, anti-depressants and nothing seems to work. I guess time will be on my side as I did make it thru the Labor day, Halloween (when they both went out as little kids) Holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Yrs. Eve, my birthday in Jan. Next will be his 25th birthday in June, then the anniversary of his death. I still have a hard time going into his room. I put a lock on the door so his younger brother would not go in there. It is heartbreaking because his brother moved out of the house one week before the oldest died. Now, I am all alone in the house I bought so we could be back together. No one, in the whole wide world, can imagine the pain a parent goes thru when they lose a child, let alone an adult child that you THOUGHT was grown and fairly self-sufficient. It is so hard to see pictures, to see the urn that his ashes are in, to see his car still in the driveway. I am in pain and I can totally reach out to anyone that has lost an adult child. Maybe some day our pain will subside. I do know that we will forever be changed individuals because of our loss.

Nov 30, 2011
Same as Devastated
by: So sad

Our beautiful, gentle 33 year old son died on the same day as yours, Devastated, 6 November 2011. The coroner's report could take 3 months for a result but my guess is it was alcohol plus heroin of unknown concentration. The pain is unbearable as he was born physically beautiful, healthy and very intelligent. He was always in total denial of having a problem. He was studying for a higher degree and lived with us for 3 years recently while studying. We had to tell him to go after several drug induced psychotic episodes, ending up in hospital several times. He had fantastic recovering friends who encouraged him to do the same but to no avail. He had a toxic relationship with a partner who did the same alcohol and drugs. I cant blame him for our son had choices. Our son had some really wonderful friends, several of whom are helping us cope. Several helped prepare the funeral and another cleared out his room. It is less than 3 weeks from the beginning of this nightmare but really my husband and I have many times over the years anticipated an outcome like this. I know we are not alone in this but it is horrific. There is no escape.

Nov 25, 2011
My Darling Son
by: Anonymous

I too lost my 25 year old son to addiction 14 months ago. At the time of his death, he had successfully stopped using drugs, but his addiction to being high lured him to huff computer duster solution. I found him in my garage with our beloved dog at his side. He was such a handsome, artistic and sensitive young man. My son was bipolar, adhd, obsessive, compulsive, and had several other mental health challenges he simply could not overcome. My grief is immense and with his death a part of me died as well. Although time softens the edges of my pain, it never leaves me. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember how blessed I am to have known and loved him. He was my baby, but now he belongs to God. I hope and pray we all find peace.

Nov 25, 2011
beautiful boy
by: Kate

I feel your pain and loss. I lost my 29 year old Son,from and accidental overdose of prescription drugs combined with ketamine. It was two years on October 20th. It has not got any easier. I still can't fully comprehend he has really gone. My youngest Son hasn't coped at all and became addicted to morphine. I worry I will lose him too. I can only say you find a way to cope even though you don't really know how you do it. You just get through each day and hope tomorrow will be better. I don't think you can ever get over losing part of yourself, your precious child. If you have one really good friend, talk to them often, let out your feelings, your tears. My dear friend kept me sane even though I used a box of her tissues every visit. I can now look at family photos without getting upset. Everyone goes through grief differently. There is no wrong or right way.

Nov 22, 2011
Addiction Does Not Select Only Inner City People
by: Sara in Texas

My name is Sara. I live in San Antonio,Tx. We lost our only son to heroin. He was 31 and left behind 2 girls we are now adopting. We are a low income family and have struggled financially most of our lives. You are very correct when you say affluence does not matter. The point of heroin it does not disciminate it just takes, with an evil vengeance and most addicted to heroin never recover. The problem with the addict is when they buy they really don't now what they put in their veins. Maybe a bad cut not cut enough. It is like Russian roulette. You never now. I dont believe most addicts are ready to die they just make a terrible mistake. I know this is not comforting but like you I have to put purpose to why my son died. ALL parents who have suffered this terrible type of death should unite and demand our government to make rehabs (in-patient) available to all addicts for free. If something is not done we will lose a good part of the next generation and their children NEED their parents. How do you do this? I understand this may sound crass but perhaps people like you who have influence can start something that will help everyone. I never in my life would ever wish this affliction of addiction on ANY one.Don't blame God your child is at rest blame the government for allowing things like addiction to pass trough the cracks. God Bless You,and keep you close. I understand your pain...

Nov 21, 2011
Thank you
by: Devastated

I stumbled upon this website.My 29 year old daughter overdosed (heroin) November 6th,2011.Every morning is like the first day,like a scab ripped off fresh.She was in several rehabs,periods of being "clean",and just bought a new truck and had a great job.We live in an affluent area.Doesn't matter.Huge turn out at her funeral.I only shared her addiction with a handful of people that I really trusted.When she passed,and everyone knew why,I was floored by how many of my friends children are struggling with this.In my day,heroin was an inner city thing.I know she didn't want to be an addict.She was a beautiful girl with very tight family bonds and tons of friends.I know in my heart,We did everything we could.It was just a gigantic monster that she couldn't beat.I don't know if I'll ever stop sobbing.I cry because she was so fun,so loyal,so good hearted.And I will never again enjoy the friendship that we developed when she became an adult.I honestly don't think we will ever be the same people.I think,even as time passes,there is always going to be a hurt in my heart.I will never be the fun loving person I used to be,there will always be that ache.It's very new to me,and I go hour by hour.Sometimes,when I'm not sobbing,I pretend it's a dream.I'm going to read every coping skill that I can get my hands on,because I really don't know how to live without her.I spent so many years praying,worrying,etc.I do not want to become angry at God.I know if praying were the cure,she'd be with me right now.I'm grateful for this website,and am going to get involved,in some capacity,with the drug issue.It's going to be impossible to feel very thankful at Thanksgiving.

Nov 21, 2011
by: Ann

My grandson Kane died on the 31st August 2001 of an accidental heroin overdose. Kane was a very caring and loving boy who touched the lives of everyone who met him. Kane had problems as a child he had ADHD Dyslexia and Dyspraxia and found school very difficult. He was taken off Ritalin when he was 13 because he missed one appointment with his consultant. Without the ritalin he found it hard to cope so began self medicating smoking cannabis and that led to harder drugs. He tried several times to get himself clean and we even got him a referal to a dual diagnosis re-hab but the health authority refused to fund it. He was let down by so many who could have helped him. we had tried to contact him on the weekend before he died but couldn't get an answer so his mother and his auntie went to his flat where they found him, he had been dead for about 3 days. Both his mum and his auntie are finding it so difficult to cope and i just wish i could make their pain go away. his sister is finding her college work difficult and keeps breaking down. Everyone involved with Kane said what a lovely boy he was and that despite his many problems always found time to help others and he always kept his core values. he was loved by so many as he is missed by so many. As a family our world has changed and it will never be the same. rest in peace our lovely lovely boy.

Nov 21, 2011
My thoughts and prayers are with you
by: Anonymous

This is a pain that I don't think any parent truly gets over. I lost my 18 year old son in a car accident July 23, 2011. It still does not seem real to me, I don't know if this is something parents ever accept. The only thing i know is that for me each and every day i take deep breaths and try to remember the good times. I still cry so much its hard to say if i will ever stop. One thing my younger daughter taught me was to think about how my son would want me to live the rest of my life, and that he wouldn't want to see me sad.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Adult Child.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!