My Beautiful Brittany 1989-2013

by Jessica
(Chicago )

I was at work and got a phone call from the police department telling me I had to come home immediately. I knew my mom and youngest sister were out of town, so I figured my little sister Brittany had just gotten into some trouble like she normally was. I called my mom to find out if she knew what was going on and that was the most horrendous call of my life.... My mom just kept screaming "Brittany's dead!! Brittany's dead!!". I dropped my phone, I ran to my car. When I grabbed my phone again, someone was on the line still telling me "I'm with her. Everything is ok" I thought he meant he was with my sister and she was ok. So I drove home and when I got there, police were swarming the house. They wouldn't let me inside, but I looked inside and saw my mom crying. At that moment I knew I had misunderstood. My beautiful 23 year old sister was lying dead and cold in her bedroom and my poor mother had found her. My mom was hysterical and she couldn't comprehend what was happening. Unfortunately, I was all too clear headed and i became responsible for taking my mom to the police station so that the police could begin their investigation. I also became responsible for telling my father, my aunt and my youngest sister what happened. My poor little Heather. They were Irish twins, they were best friends. When she finally arrived at the station and I told her the news, she couldn't accept it.
We were the "sisterhood". Three best friends all three years apart. Always having so much fun and always laughing together. Brittany was my mom's "mini me". She looked just like her. We were as close as four girls could be. I'm 26, Brittany would have been 23 right now, Heathrr just turned 23. All of our birthdays are in a row. We lost Brittany on Father's Fay, June 16th 2013. The following day was my mom's 50th birthday. One week later was my golden birthday. Heather's is one week after that.
Our birthdays were always such a big deal, but my sister passed in her sleep just before what was normally a time of celebration each year for us. She used to wake up early in the morning, decorate the house and make breakfast for the birthday girl. She was so sweet. And so funny. Loud and silly. And gorgeous. She was a beautiful blonde bubble of pink and sparkles. We made her wake/funeral pink themed. Even her casket is pink.
I still can't believe my cute little sissy is gone. I'll never come home to her running excitedly down the stairs to hug me. Heather and I will have to try to keep a two person "sisterhood" going. I'll have to watch my poor mommy cry for God knows how long. The past three weeks have been a nightmare. One ill just have to get used to.
I miss you so much little one. I hope you found the peace and happiness you so desperately sought here on Earth. I hope you passed painlessly in your sleep the way it looked like you did. It sucks not knowing what happened to you and I hope you can forgive your family for letting you die all alone. I hope you know how much we love you.

Comments for My Beautiful Brittany 1989-2013

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Jul 14, 2013
comment for mama
by: Anonymous

I don't have any words to help, I don't have any answers that we are longing for. I just lost my son, 28 years old, in a motorcycle accident on his way to work. If you had met him, you would always remember him. He was that kind of a person. His smile was contagious and everyone was family to him. It has been a month now. We are missing our beautiful children. The joy in our hearts are nulled. I have been reading to seek some help, to see what others have done with the pain, the grief. I am realizing that even though no one has an answer, I know that the loneliness felt is somehow shared. My heart aches to know that there are so many others feeling this sadness. We are not going to be the same people that we once were. We want back what we had. We want to live like we did before. Life feels as if it will now be the before part and the after part. God Bless all of you. I never wanted to know how bad the pain was first hand. We are connected now in a way that we didn't ask for. We can pray for each other.

Jul 08, 2013
So sad
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry to read these stories - my heart goes out to all of you. I'm a single mom of 2. I lost my son 6 years ago in a motorcycle accident at age 25. My daughter was 22. It was the most devastating event in my life. Not a single moment of any day goes by without him on my mind. It changed me dramatically and my daughter has been forever affected. We depend upon each other because family and friends quickly go about their lives. Its the toughest road for a parent to travel and the first year is the worst - the second just allows you to know what to expect on all those special days. I would suggest looking for the nearest chapter of The Compassionate Friends - at least you have the support of others facing the same sorrow. It has helped me tremendously to meet parents (and siblings) where a child has been lost. Get support from wherever you can.

Jul 07, 2013
Feeling your pain
by: Anonymous

I too lost my brother on father's day 3 weeks ago to suicide. You and I are feeling and reeling with the same grief.

This is so hard for your family and ours.

I am so sorry for your loss but am going through the same painful loss.

I am sorry I cant offer much but we have something in common on the same day 3 weeks ago tonight.

Jul 07, 2013
so much like my Krissy
by: mama

I am sorry that you lost your sister. Your experience was so similar to mine when I lost my 26 year old daughter on Nov. 17, 2012. She went to sleep and never woke again. She always slept late on Saturdays because she worked all week. At 2pm her fiancée came over (she still lived with me and my husband)and knocked on her door. She didn't respond so he opened the door and screamed. We all ran to her room. She was cold and purple. My husband performed cpr, but she had gone hours earlier. She appeared to go quickly and peacefully too. The autopsy and toxicology reports showed her to be perfectly healthy. No one knows why she died. I can only think God wanted her in heaven. She was so vital and alive, outgoing, and made a friend of everyone she met. More similarities. She died the Saturday before Thanksgiving so we, my husband, 2 sons, and I, went through Thanksgiving, my son's birthday, Christmas, our wedding anniversary, and Her birthday without her. It was the hardest thing I can think of. I think of her beautiful smile, gorgeous auburn hair, and shining gray-blue eyes every day. I talk to her picture and cry every morning when I get up and every night before I go to bed. I don't know about you but I live one minute to the next not one day to the next. She was my baby girl, my only daughter. How I wish I could hug her and tell her how much I love her just one more time. One day, I will go to heaven too and I will see her again. Til then I will pray that God will be with me and help me live the rest of my life without her. I pray for all who have lost someone they love to look toward God for help with your grief. He is always nearby. mama

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