My Beautiful Chrissy

by Diane
(McCook, NE USA)

On Dec. 8th, 2012 it was a normal beautiful day in Dec. I walked across the street to get my mail, turned around , and saw my beautiful 10 year old cat Chrissy get run over by a car that never stopped. I did not know she was following me, in fact I had looked for her and saw her back on the front porch when I started. It was the most awful sight and sound I have ever heard. I remember her lifting her head once as I was running towards her, and she was gone. I am heartbroken, how can I not blame myself? I know I can't change anything, but my soul is shattered. Is it possible to heal? I know I am a little better, at least now I can pick where I cry. I guess time is the only thing that will help.Sharing my grief helps, my husband and family have been wonderful, they all cried too. But I keep 'seeing' her getting hit over and over in my mind, it's the worst at night. Every time I look at her grave I ask her for her forgiveness, I know she would never blame me, but how do I know? I do have my two 'boys' left, Casper and Burt, and now I have another dilema. Casper was born outside before we even moved in to our place. He LOVES it outside. But ever since Chrissy died we've just let him out and watched him. He hates it, but what do we do? He cries constantly now while in the house. Can I take the chance of losing him too? Can I convince myself that's the way he would want it?

Comments for My Beautiful Chrissy

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Apr 24, 2014
You are helping
by: Anne Parr

Diane,

You are helping. I didn't think I could miss her so much. Sometimes even when I'm at work I think about Maisy, the kids ask me if I'm okay. I just tell them I'm thinking about someone I lost. I am just glad to know that someone understands, it happened so fast, I didn't know what to think. Like when my dad passed, one minute he was fine, then 2 hours later he was gone.... I think these situations are the hardest to deal with...
you can email me if you like

annehendrickson@hotmail.com

Dec 09, 2013
First anniversary
by: Crissy's mommy

I can't believe it's been a year since you left me here, to cry and to mourn for you. I still think of you every day, I get an ache in my heart when I think of something you did, or look at the place you used to sleep. I WILL find you again, our love was too special to just end, wait for me. Burt and Casper are doing fine, sometimes I wonder if they think of you and remember how they had to give you a wide berth when they walked through a room. Your daddy and I got you a beautiful new granite headstone, and we placed it on your grave with tears and remembered thoughts of your life and how much we miss you. I will ALWAYS hold you in my heart,and pray you have forgiven me for not seeing you following me onto that street,I will NEVER lose the guilt I carry. But it was a horrible accident, I would have gladly thrown myself in front of that car if it would have saved you. Please know I will always love you and will cherish our memories. I love and miss you, RIP my precious little girl!

Oct 25, 2013
I love you so much still
by: Chrissy's mom

It's been 10 months now since you've left, my tears still fall when I think of you and how much I miss you yet. Your 'brothers' are fine, they do comfort me when I am sad. Your daddy mentioned the other day that he missed you so much when he was remodeling his shop, you were always by his side out there.You'll be forever in our hearts, the wounds there now are still so incredibly raw. You were such a big part of our lives it's impossible not to feel you with us now, I would give anything to be able to hold you once more. Remember we all love and miss you,please wait for us at the Rainbow Bridge, RIP beautiful little Chrissy!

May 07, 2013
I Miss You Terribly
by: Chrissy's Mom

Dearest Chrissy,we all still miss you so much.... I can't believe you've been gone for 5 months now.My heart still aches so much, we had a special bond between us, I was the only one who could stroke you as much as I wanted without being scratched. You were my baby girl.. do you hear me talk to you still? I want you to know I feel so guilty still, but you know I would have thrown myself in front of that car if I had only known. Your tiny body didn't stand a chance. Please forgive me, I can't forgive myself. Please wait for me, I love you so much, RIP my beautiful baby girl.

Mar 24, 2013
Thank you Thank you
by: Anne Parr

I finally found you. I just can't thank you enough for your kind words and thoughts about my Maisy. Only a person like you can understand the heartache that lingers. Especially today, it is a nice sunny day and Maisy should be out in the yard laying on her back in the sun. That was her favorite thing to do...roll in the grass and chase the rabbit a bit. Then the two of them would lay down and rest by each other. Snicker won't hardly leave the house or my side. I didn't realize how much pets left behind mourn also..
I am really sorry about your Chrissy, it must have been the worst thing. Maybe her and Maisy are playing together....
Just thanks again for your wonderful words and thoughts.... Snicker is going to get a new pal soon....I am kinds afraid to go to the shelter because I will want to take them all....

Feb 15, 2013
My beautiful Chrissy
by: Doreen U.K.

Diane I am sorry for your loss of Chrissy. There is nothing you could have done. It must have been devastating for you to see the pet you loved suddenly die. This was very traumatic for you. You could benefit from seeing a grief counsellor. You could get stuck in grief and not be able to move forward from this shock of losing Chrissy. In time you will be able to move forward. Losing my husband was a shock for me to see his body lying in the coffin unable to feel anything because I was in shock. It is painful seeing someone alive and then Gone. It causes us so much internal pain we would do anything for this pain to go.
I had 10 cockatiels and lost 3 or them before I eventually let them go to someone who rescues birds. My darling birds are now happy in an indoor/outdoor aviary. I miss them so much but had to do what was best for them. It wasn't about my happiness anymore but THEIRS. But I am so happy I got to own and love these birds for the short time I cared for them. You are suffering the trauma of this accident of a pet you loved and lost. It won't always be this way. But it may take time with a counsellor for you to be able to move forward from this tragedy.

Feb 15, 2013
Thanks so much for responding
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your kind words. I still do 'see' her getting hit over and over, but not as much now, and when I start to see it I tell myself to STOP, and think of something else. It definitely helps to share your grief with someone else, and although I know it's not good to beat ourselves up over what ifs, we still do it. All I can say is; it's NOT GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING, but I still do it. As for Casper he's definitely telling us about his displeasure, he cries all the time, knocks everything off our end tables, jumps on our poor Burt, and is telling us about it all at 2:00 in the morning! I just can't bear the thought of finding him in the street too. There is one ray of light in all this, and I want to share it with anyone who has lost a furbaby. On the morning after we lost our little girl, we were both looking out our window at her grave, crying, when my husband cried out " Chrissy, please let mommy and daddy you made it!" At that exact moment a shooting star shot sideways across the sky! I do so want to believe it was her! RIP my little angel!

Feb 15, 2013
Chrissy
by: Debi M.

Diane -

I am so sorry for the loss of your Chrissy. What a terrible thing to have to witness. My 5 year old bulldog Chewy died from a heart attack last May. Most bulldogs have breathing issues - if she got excited or worked up she would struggle with her breathing. I took her to the groomers (which I had done many times before) and on the way home (10 min. drive) she had a heart attack. She was in the back of my SUV with the other dog and I didn't realize what was going on. When I opened the back she was unresponsive. I rushed her to the emergency vet, but she was gone - they said she had a heart attack; that it is common with bulldogs and would have happened eventually because of her small trachea. But I still blame and beat myself up daily - I wish that I would have had her sitting up front with me or just had never taken her to the groomers that day. I have her picture and her box of ashes near my computer which gives me some comfort, but I miss her like crazy. Just know that you gave Chrissy a loving home and hopefully we will see our beloved pets again someday. Wishing you comfort and peace.

God Bless you for being an animal lover,

Debi M.
Texas

Feb 15, 2013
RIP Chrissy <3 (I'm from Council Bluffs, Ia)
by: Dianne

OMG! I'm so sorry that you had to go through that! I gasped and got sick to my stomach as you described what happened! I know that I would have felt it was my fault as well. But if you actually really think about it, HOW could it have been!? You had looked back & saw her on the porch. You thought she was safe. She followed you because she loved you. She trusted you, she knows that you didn't hurt her. She knows it wasn't your fault!It was the fault of the person that hit her. (I can't believe they didn't stop!) She didn't suffer. It happened so fast she didn't even know what happened. I hope that you aren't still seeing it happen over & over. How have you handled the problem with Casper? Have you let him out and if not, how is he doing with that? I would think after a while he would get used to not going out. We had a cat that we never let outside. Totally an indoor cat and she was fine. I can imagine you would be very scared to let him out. I pray that you are healing.

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