My Beautiful Darling, Best Friend and Soulmate has been gone almost 18 months
(Perth Western Australia)
It's now almot 18 months since my most Precious Darling Husband passed away. I still feel the pain, and miss him so terribly, but thank goodness, I have managed to move on a lot, and am not just totally paralyzed by my grief. For the first 12 months I truly thought I'd gone totally crazy. I couldn't function at all. Now I am beginning to move on, but still I cry most days and I cannot get my head around the fact that My Darling is never coming back. Losing someone you adored is indescribable, it unravels the very core of your soul, leaves you devastated and helpless.
I couldn't imagine how I could ever move on from that, but I am now able to walk out from under the big heavy grey cloud and see the sunshine a little more each day. I have made some life changing decisions and once I sell my home (I can't live here any more, its too sad for me) I am going to Africa to do voluntary work in the orphanages in Arusha, Tanzania. It has inspired me so much since I made that decision, and to be able to help others whose lives are so shocking, certainly helps me to get life back into perspective once again.
My Darling John always knew I wanted to do this, and said on a couple of occasions to go for awhile, but it wasn't the right time, but now it certainly is.
To those of you who who are just starting the journey of Grief, please know that you will get through the darkness, you will be able to function again eventually, you will be able to look at your loved ones photo and not dissolve into total despair. This takes time though, and as so many people said to me it takes a lot of patience. I am not a patient person, and I realise now that my impatience only made my journey harder. Whatever you feel on the day is OK. Live each moment as it comes, and be kind to yourself. In doing this you will be able to slowly move forward, even though you may believe you never ever will.
I believe one never gets over losing a loved one, you just learn to live with it, and you will eventually be able to move on in your own journey of living.
I purchased a wee golden retriever puppy and named him JED, which were My Darlings initials. Coincidentally I found out when I went to bring him home he was born on July 1st, which was My Darling Johns birthday. This makes Jed all the more special. I have also got an adorable new grandson Jack, who also helps light up my life.
I am not the same person I was before My Darling passed away, it changes you forever, but eventually you can see that the "new you", is a beautiful person, and so much better for having loved and survived the loss.
Never ever give up, just live one moment at a time. I promise the pain does ease with time.
Love from Lynne