My Beautiful Girl

by Elizabeth
(Miami, Fl)

I am crying as I write this- 11 days after she is gone, and I can't believe I will never see her again. I lit candles, did the Monday night Memorial Bridge ceremony, and today picked her ashes up in a box memorialized for her. I have a husband that is wonderful...a little girl who is almost 2 1/2. They are the light of my loves, but this feeling is devastating. I can't believe the anguish I feel. I started a new job, working form home, which has allowed me the luxury to wallow and cry and read online about grief, and the souls of dogs always being with the owners they are soulmates with. And I try to be happy, and think that I will see her again, in this lifetime, if not next. I just can't believe she isn't here. Her yard is so empty.

She was 14 1/2. We called her the pig, or pigpig. Her eyes were human- she had a soul, as confirmed by so many who met her and gazed into her golden eyes. She gave us so many years, the last of which she was sick, and lost a third of her weight. But even now, I wish I had waited just a night more. I didn't spend her last night on earth with her. She slept on the couch with my husband, but I was tired and went to bed. I wish so dearly I would have watched a movie, and petted her ears a while, because by 3 Pm the next day she'd be gone. We had to put her to sleep, and I wish I waited an hour more, but we felt she was ready and was suffering. Her legs collapsed; she had several bodily functions fail, and then she simply collapsed off the couch onto the floor when I tried to get her to come off the couch to pee.

So many in the world are suffering, ill; I have so many wonderful things in my life, but I am so, so, so torn up about this. I pray to God to keep her soul well; and to bless me and take away the pain in my heart. I hope that writing this will help me. I am so so so simply lost without her.

Uma, I will remember you always. Thank you for letting us be yours for the time you were here.