My Beautiful Hearted Brett

by Tina
(Warrior Alabama)

Beautiful inside and out! My love Brett

Beautiful inside and out! My love Brett

My son Brett was 22 years old. He died Jan.18,2013. He said he had no been feeling well the week prior but still managed to be his usual self, funny, sweet and so busy. He worked alot and tried to do so many things. He loved life. I am a nurse and encouraged him to go to the doctor, but soon he was acting like all was well and he was fine. The night before I worked from 7 pm to 1 am came home and went to bed. He woke me up about 6 am or so. He came upstairs and said his heart was feeling funny. I ran downstairs and grabbed my stethascope. I got back to him and he was holding his chest. I listened and heard an irregular heart beat. Before I could put the stethascope down to dial 911 His heart just quit beating. I could not believe my ears. I moved it to make sure I had contact and then began to collapse. I screamed for my daughter to dial 911 and started CPR. I gave him CPR for at least ten minutes and actually got him to open his eyes but he was struggling to breath I was doing all I could for him and he then had a seizure and went limp again. I continued CPR until medics arrived and shocked his heart twice then put him in the ambulance and began working on him. They would not let me see. I knew it was bad. I waited on them to give word and they drove away. MY husband and I followed but the roads were icey and traffic was backed up. By the time we arrived the doctor said they had been doing cpr for 45 mins and we needed to stop. I asked him what he would do if it was his child and he said he would let him go. He would stop. I told him to go check on him once more and if no heart rate still, then stop cpr. He did just that. It was like a nightmare that would not end, and still has not. I am a NICU nurse and see alot of babies die. I know in my heart how blessed I am to have had 22 years with this beautiful soul. He was so good hearted, worked hard, had a good job, didnt do illegal drugs. He just liked to have fun. My neighbors and husband said he was riding his four wheeler in the snow that evening while I was at work. I know how much he loved life. I want to honor his memory and live life the way he wanted to. It is just hard right now. I find my grief is so overwhelming and painful at times I wonder how I can breathe. I blame myself for not just making him go to the doctor, but he kept right on saying no I gotta work I am ok. He was a beautiful person with a heart of gold and would help anyone. He loved us all so much and we loved him. That evening before I left for work he hugged me and said I love you momma please drive careful to work the roads are bad. I said I love you to son. We were very close, he was my friend, my son, and one of the most beautiful gifts that God has ever given me. I am so grateful I got to be his momma if only for 22 years. I know I got alot more time than some parents do and for that I am grateful. He was loved by so many. I hope that as the days go by I will learn to smile each time I think of him instead of crying with the pain of missing him. I ache so deeply in my soul I know it would hurt him to see me this way. Love is real and this child is a part of me. I carried him in my belly for nine full months and kissed his face and raised him to be a good man. I know that kind of love just doesn't vanish and die. It lives on forever. I know a spirit like his does not just die. It lives on forever too. I will see him again one day when God sees fit to call me home. I know this in my core. I cannot wait to see him again, oh what a reunion that will be!!! For now I have to cope with the grief and pain that I feel everyday. I hope it gets easier to smile and laugh and I pray out to Christ when it is so severe I cannot take it. He hears me and somehow the day gets a little easier. My son was a young man that I can be proud of and that alone brings me comfort. It is the healing that will take a very long time. I see so many parents lose their sweet babies so soon and I know they wish they had more time. I am grateful that I did. I love him so much and know he is with me, he lives in my heart. So far we have had no information on his cause of death, the coroner said his heart was mildly enlarged and there were a few other signs of problems. I don't know if I will ever get a real answer to why or how. I will have to live with that. That is all I can do. I pray for each and every parent, friend and family member on this site who is suffering in pain. May God give you peace and please try to remind yourself that you will see your babies again. God Bless you all, Tina

Comments for My Beautiful Hearted Brett

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Mar 13, 2013
Loosing our Young Sons
by: Cindy from Illinois

Prayers are all I can offer for your pain but I know that from your writting that your faith in God and the eternal life is sustaining you. Continue to know Him and you will be lifted as you said and it will help in those days that are so unbearable. I too lost my ever so sweet son at 21 yrs. last Feb. He was the life of the room and always ontop of the latest in any trend, from technology to fashion. He just had a gift for it! He was the child with a zest of living and such he experimente with a drug and it cost him his life. No long abuse of drugs and ect... just a few mistakes and that was the end. We have a friend that son died in a boating accident and another due to liver failure. All unexpected deaths and all of us think we could have possibly prevented it or are asking why? Now it is time to ask How- how to respond to our losses. What you do with your feelings keep your loved one alive in your heart. It is what you do with your feelings that might could help others. Again, I am sorry for this unpredictable and inescapable loss of your son Brett. i will keep you in my prayers!

Feb 22, 2013
My Beautiful Hearted Brett
by: Doreen U.K.

Tina I am so sorry for your loss of your precious son Brett to a sudden death. I feel the pain and sorrow in your writing that my heart breaks for your loss.
You need to keep crying as an expression of your grief till your soul Heals from your loss. It is the very worst thing that can happen to a mother. I worry about losing my 3 Adult children now after losing my husband of 44yrs. 10 months ago to cancer. How desperate we feel when we lose someone. The panic and the fear when trying to hold on to some miracle at the 12th hour that will save your loved one. This is what I did. I became angry through my loss of my husband. I don't know how to behave with my grief. I just keep busy writing on this site and it helps me to help others. It will take a long long time to heal from your loss of your son. No mother should have to endure this pain, but yet the universe seems to have reversed the curse of children dying at an early age. God is the only one who can sustain us in our grief and sorrow. Often it feels as if we hurt so much we can't hurt any more. The pain is so bad that there is no medication for. Pain that makes no sense. I have never felt pain like it and everyone on this site has expressed the same pain that is unbearable. You are not alone. We each support you as much as we can. See a grief counsellor. It really does help with the pain. May God surround you with Love and supportive people to walk with you in your valley of tears, sorrow, and grief.

Feb 21, 2013
Thank you
by: TINA

Thank you so much for sharing your stories and for your healing words God bless you. May we all have peace and be able to smile and feel joy when we think about these beautiful young people we lost to soon. Much love and prayers. TTina

Feb 20, 2013
Your son Brett
by: Debi M.

Tina -

My heart is just breaking for you. Wishing you comfort and strength.

Debi M.

Feb 20, 2013
Deepest Sympathy
by: Carol

God bless you and your wonderful son, Brett. I am 27 now and I lost my 28 year old brother 5 years ago. He went down in the backyard after complaining of feeling "funny" off and on and some shortness of breath. My mom was with him, and kept telling him that he should get checked out that day. My mom stayed in the house and my brother went in the backyard. He collapsed just next to the house, with his son playing in the very back yard. It is almost like he knew it was going to happen, and he accepted it.My mom feels such terrible grief that she didn't make him go to the doctor, or to the hospital. I was in nursing school at the time, at Children's Hospital in Philadelphia, PA. Believe me,I feel like I should have known something was wrong with my brother more than anyone. It has affected my confidence in my nursing ability somewhat-and it is a difficult feeling to overcome. I assure my mom every day that she has no guilt in this matter. His diagnosis was idiopathic cardiomyopathy, with a suspected arrhythmia. I assure you that you were the best mother possible, and I applaud the love and sincerity you have for your son. He will never be forgotten and you WILL see him again, in a world that is not imperfect or filled with sickness or pain. I am so very sorry for your loss. <3

Feb 20, 2013
I Understand
by: Diego

Tina, I understand you perfectly, my beloved and only brother pass away eight months ago for a freak cardiac arrhythmia, he was only 26 years old, he was such a happy young man with a bright future ahead, there's no words of comfort I can tell you right now, I'm doing my best every day, trying to do my normal activities, putting a happy face so everyone stop asking how I feel, everybody ask but no one wants to hear sad things, I'm afraid this sadness has taken the best of me, this feeling will hunt me forever, they only comfort I have is taking care of my brother's son, he is 9 years old, I loved him he looks just like my brother, I made my brother a promise to take care of his son and I will honor it. Tina the only thing I can tell you is that you are not alone in this journey, you and your family are in my prays. God bless you.

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