My Beautiful Mom

by Susan
(Charlotte)

My Mom married and moved many miles from a good life in England, to what she hoped would be a good life in the US. Almost immediately my Father started running around on her, drinking and not holding down a job. When I was a baby, she went to get help from the embassy to be able to take me home with her to England. Even though my Father was in jail at the time, they would not allow me to leave the country. So that is the start of my Mom's painful, unappreciated life. My Mom worked 40 hours a week to provide for us, cooked, sewed and had no time for herself. She wouldn't leave my Father in fear of what would happen to him. Fast forward to a few years ago and we moved them close to us so we could care for them. A year or so later she fell and was confined to a wheel chair. My Father offered her no help and while I was trying to work and go through personal things myself, she hired a helper to come in. The last 2 years Mom had peace, my Father passed away, but she was alone a lot of the time except the one day a week I did her grocery shopping, her helper came in the morning and evening or when her friend would stop in.

I was ( or thought I was) too busy to do more than I was for Mom. I failed at being able to take care of her. She slipped when her helper was getting her out of bed at the end of Jan of this year and broke her ankle. While in the ER they found that she was also masking several other issues such as congestive heart failure, lessening in kidney function and other things, so she couldn't have surgery to repair the ankle.

Mom was put in a nursing home and listed as non weight bearing so all she could do was lay there. She hated it there and wanted to come home so bad. After 3 months and seeing that she was going downhill, we decided to scratch the nursing home and bring her home to spend her final days - however many with her family around her. She didn't make it that long. I was blessed to be with her all day and through the night until she took her last breath at 530 in the morning.

I feel as I didn't do enough, I see different things now that I feel had I have done that maybe my Mom would still be here. I miss her presence on this earth so bad. I feel so alone when I leave my house, like I am scared out in this world without her. Oh to have one more do over to help her.
To have one more chance to tell her I love her and how proud I am of her.

Comments for My Beautiful Mom

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Jul 03, 2012
I wish my mom could of stayed a little longer.
by: Anonymous

I lost my mom Jan. 24, 2012. She had a heart attack. My mom is no longer in pain and she is with my brother and my dad now which is somewhat of comfort. I just miss her so much and love her very much. I never imagined I would have this kind of pain, sometimes I feel like I can't catch a breath when I am crying. I remember the last words we ever spoke to each other and that was I love you. I will never forget that not ever. Sometimes I can feel her spirit near me and she is watching over all of us with her love. Mom I miss you so much and I truly wish you were still just a phone call away.
I love you mom and always will.
Your daughter, Debbie

Jun 07, 2012
Living with regret of my beautiful Mum I lost
by: Susan from Charlotte

Doreen, thank you for your post. Let me first say how sorry I am to hear about your Steve. With the loss I feel of my Mum, I cannot imagine the loss you are feeling.

We are never truly alone, as our God is with us always. And I do believe our loved ones are with us always as well. I feel as I cannot feel my Mum with me yet because I am blocking her with my mourning right now, but I am sure she is here.

You are so right in telling those you love how you feel about them so as not to have more regrets, I think I am telling my son a hundred times a day.

May God bless and keep you.



Jun 07, 2012
Living with regret of my beautiful Mum I lost
by: Doreen England

Susan
thank you for sharing your story. Everyone on earth lives with some form of regret. It is part of life. The hardest part of grieving is learning to forgive ourselves for the things we didn't say or do.
I am sure your Mother knew you loved her. Just by being there and spending time with your Mum made her feel YOU CARED.
It is part of the human condition that we will always feel we didn't do enough, we could have done more. Then some people are so needy that we can actually injure ourselves by giving too much of ourselves. There has to be a health balance.
I live with regrets. But there is nothing I can do about them. I can't go back and change things. One often is caught up with the busyness of life that we are unable to give the time we want to our parents. I am there now where I feel what you are saying. I feel abandoned as my Mum did also when I was busy and she was on her own and I wish I could have done more. But I resolve this by saying. I DID MY BEST. That is all one can do.
I lost my husband to cancer 4 weeks ago and I feel scared on my own. I feel I don't want to live without Steve in my life. I don't want change now at my time in life. Life is lonely now and I am afraid of the future but I am facing the future one day at a time as that is all we have. Tomorrow is not promised to us. Enjoy each day and gather the best from it. We have the chance now to say to the ones we still have in our life all the things we need to say so that we don't have to live with more regrets and somehow healing will take place in our lives.

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