My Beautiful Mom
My Mom married and moved many miles from a good life in England, to what she hoped would be a good life in the US. Almost immediately my Father started running around on her, drinking and not holding down a job. When I was a baby, she went to get help from the embassy to be able to take me home with her to England. Even though my Father was in jail at the time, they would not allow me to leave the country. So that is the start of my Mom's painful, unappreciated life. My Mom worked 40 hours a week to provide for us, cooked, sewed and had no time for herself. She wouldn't leave my Father in fear of what would happen to him. Fast forward to a few years ago and we moved them close to us so we could care for them. A year or so later she fell and was confined to a wheel chair. My Father offered her no help and while I was trying to work and go through personal things myself, she hired a helper to come in. The last 2 years Mom had peace, my Father passed away, but she was alone a lot of the time except the one day a week I did her grocery shopping, her helper came in the morning and evening or when her friend would stop in.
I was ( or thought I was) too busy to do more than I was for Mom. I failed at being able to take care of her. She slipped when her helper was getting her out of bed at the end of Jan of this year and broke her ankle. While in the ER they found that she was also masking several other issues such as congestive heart failure, lessening in kidney function and other things, so she couldn't have surgery to repair the ankle.
Mom was put in a nursing home and listed as non weight bearing so all she could do was lay there. She hated it there and wanted to come home so bad. After 3 months and seeing that she was going downhill, we decided to scratch the nursing home and bring her home to spend her final days - however many with her family around her. She didn't make it that long. I was blessed to be with her all day and through the night until she took her last breath at 530 in the morning.
I feel as I didn't do enough, I see different things now that I feel had I have done that maybe my Mom would still be here. I miss her presence on this earth so bad. I feel so alone when I leave my house, like I am scared out in this world without her. Oh to have one more do over to help her.
To have one more chance to tell her I love her and how proud I am of her.