My beautiful Nicola

by Terri

My eldest daughter Nicola was only 32 when we lost her at 6.06 on Thursday evening 6th Dec 2012. She was amazing, beautiful, kind, intelligent and very funny and I still cannot believe she's gone. I know people mean well when they say that time will ease the pain but unless they've lost a child how on earth can they know when the pain will go! My life now is filled with a deep, gut-wrenching sadness that never leaves me and I wish every day that God had taken me instead of my child. Does anyone else feel worse now that when this nightmare began? I know I do. I feel less able to cope with the most trivial things and just feel sick and tired most of the time. I send my deepest sympathy to all who of you who are going through this terrible trial and pray that God blesses us with a modicum of peace somewhere through this horrendous journey.
Much love
Terri UK

Comments for My beautiful Nicola

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Oct 02, 2014
Our Beloved Children
by: Terri

Dear Alanna, Aaron's mum and the lady who recently lost her beautiful son. I'm sitting here quietly reading through your individual stories and my broken heart breaks all over again for each of you. I miss Nicola more every day and feel as though I'm living inside a bubble of grief. The stabbing, physical pain can creep up on me at times when I'm least prepared and it's as though I've been punched in the chest by a massive fist. It literally takes my breath away. I desperately search for her when I'm out and seeing anyone with long blonde hair makes my heart race. The disappointment when I see their face is so profound that I feel light-headed. My only strategy for coping is to think of Nic with her babies - my precious grandsons - seeing her smile and remembering her awesome sense of humour. To all you amazing ladies I pray that you remember your own beautiful children the same way. Remember that we were the ones chosen to give life to these very special people and with God's grace we will have only wonderful memories of them. Much love and warmest hugs to each of you. God Bless.

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Aug 23, 2014
So sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

I hear your pain and I do understand the feeling that your heart has been ripped from your chest.

It is something that others don't understand, unless they have experienced the deep pain and sadness of losing a child.

I lost my 29 year old daughter and my best friend in September, 2012.

It is very difficult to go on without your child.

One foot in front of the other . That is all we can do.

I wish you peace


Jul 12, 2014
by: Anonymous

I lost my son 10 weeks ago. My only child. I am so lost. I cry all the time. It is torment. Why couldn't I have saved him. Why does he have to be gone. No joy no reason to live.

Jul 11, 2014
to the mother of beautiful Nicola
by: Anonymous

Dear Terri..I lost my sweet Aaron two days after
Thanksgiving, Nov. 2012. It has destroyed our family and nothing will ever be the same again. Sometimes when I cry, it sounds like a wailing grieving person in some kind of sad movie. But, it isn't. It's real, and then it isn't real. I am so lost without my Aaron I can't even breath. I work as a nursing assistant, take care of patients for 12 hours, come home and do it all again. I KNOW that I am clinically depressed. There is no joy, happiness, only void. I think what I miss most of all, is our future together. I have another son who is younger, and has a beautiful little daughter, who is named after her Uncle Aaron's middle name. This joy is short lived, as I live 100 miles away from her. I fake my laughter, I fake my smiles and I feel like everything has stopped for me. I put one foot in front of the other every day, and that's really all i'm able to do. I will forever grieve for Aaron till I take my last breath. I miss his infectious laugh, his beautiful smile and his green eyes. There are days I wish I could just EVAPORATE. My only salvation in this is that one day I will be with him. My family has gone crazy, I'm to the point I hate all of them and unfortunately my younger son and I have grown apart, because he's just gone off the deep end without his older brother. It hasn't gotten any better, I dont' know that it will and I really don't expect it to. My thoughts are with you and I just want to let everyone know that I'm so very very sorry for all of you that miss your sweet children. They were all our babies at one time. They always will be. May God touch each and everyone of you.

Jul 08, 2014
My beautiful Nicola
by: Terri

Thank you for your very thoughtful messages. It means so much to communicate with people who actually understand how I feel and help me realise that I'm not going insane. At the moment life is really tiring and it would be SO easy to just stay in bed and forget the world. I can't do that because I have a younger daughter Laura who is as amazing as her sister and two beautiful grandsons. Between them they are my reason for getting through the day and I feel blessed. Things are very difficult between my son-in-law and I because he's started seeing different people through a dating website and one has even stayed over. My youngest grandson who is just 4 told me that she sleeps in daddy's bed and they kiss. I'm heartbroken but my son-in-law told me soon after NIc's funeral that anything he did was none of my business, so I just have to bite my tongue and not jepardise my time with the boys. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle a truly awful situation? Much love to all x

Jul 06, 2014
Your daughter
by: Kate

I lost my loving caring friend,my son Nov 2012. I know I was in shock and numb.i think you come out of that and the reality hurts not sure how it goes but I carry that lost feeling within me all the time.the sadness that stays upon me as I go on. I know not what to do just go one day at a time. I'm sorry for your pain and sorrow too. We share that understanding. But I can't find answers.

Jul 06, 2014
by: Michelle

How sorry I am that you have lost your daughter. I also lost my daughter a month after you lost yours, she was 22 and her name is Megan.
I am empty and hallow. my one wish is to just be with her. I do not believe time heals, we are forever broken.

Jul 05, 2014
by: Anonymous

I lost my sister and my Mum and Dad have lost an incredibly beautiful and loving daughter. You are so right about the pain, it certainly does not get better with time, somethings you can not heal from. We have been through counseling and nothing can take away the daily ache and gut wrenching pain that is our loss. My parents devoted themselves to us and gave us everything possible in life and to see them suffering this cruel twist of life is truly unbearable and unfair. All we can do is survive the days now, as life will never me the same......much of it's joy has been lost.
My thoughts are with you and the pain you are going through xx

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