My beautiful son, Chris - 06.03.91 - 12.05.11

by Sharon
(Sheffield, South Yorkshire, England)

12 May 2011 - My son, Chris, was 20 years, 2 months and 6 days old. He went out with his friend in my car and suddenly collapsed. He had suffered a D.V.T. which went straight to his lung. I was told by his friend that Chris had mentioned waking the previous night feeling his heart 'doing a flip' - apparently this was the clot passing through his heart. He died instantly, no pain, he just closed his eyes and left us. He hadn't been ill. The pain I feel is immense. It is overwhelming. It consumes me. I ache for him. I yearn for him. I need him. He was the most perfect son, the youngest of my two perfect boys. He was funny, kind, loving, affectionate, intelligent, loved by everyone who knew him. Loved and missed by all of us. I don't know how I manage to get up each morning - all meaning has gone out of my life - there is no reason or purpose to anything anymore. He made our lives wonderful, he was the joker and we have millions of memories of happy moments. We miss him so much. How do I keep going, how does my surviving son Mike carry on. Who can help us when all we want his for Chris to come back home. Sharon xxx

Comments for My beautiful son, Chris - 06.03.91 - 12.05.11

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Nov 18, 2013
BORN BARNSLEY,LIVING SYDNEY AUSTRALIA
by: PAUL

I LOST MY SON JAEGER ON THE 26TH OF JULY 2013,HE WENT TO BED ONE NIGHT AND NEVER WOKE UP!!HE WAS A COUPLE OF MONTHS SHORT OF HIS 21ST BIRTHDAY.AFTER AUTOPSY ,TOXIOLOGY THEY SAID THE MOST LIKELY CAUSE WAS HEART ARITHMIA.I CRY EVERYDAY,SOMETIMES THE GRIEF IS UNBEARABLE AND I DRINK MYSELF TO SLEEP!MY WIFE AND TWO DAUGHTERS ARE AMAZING THE WAY THEY HAVE COPED WITH JAEGERS LOSS.FOR ME SHARON I AM NOT SO GOOD.I LET OUT THE GRIEF EVERYDAY.MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL SON CHRIS.I WISH I COULD OFFER WORDS OF COMFORT BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY,EVERYBODYS GRIEF IS DIFFERENT.THE NEXT PERSON THAT TELLS ME TO BE STRONG I THINK I WILL HIT THEM!!HOPE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE OK,HANDS ACROSS THE WATER .

Jan 05, 2013
My Beautiful son Chris
by: Doreen

Sharon Thank you for your message. I am appalled at how your both GP's behaved towards you. I feel OUTRAGED on your behalf. The sad fact is that life is changing in the "so called" caring medical profession and GP's and doctors on the whole are very clinical in their approach. I feel very unhappy because so many people are being put off going to see a counsellor as a result. Let me first say to everyone. We may very well have to shop around till we find the right GP and the right Counsellor for us. It is very possible to find the right one. You will know when you do. You should be moving forward and your pain should start to get less. Sometimes a "strict" counsellor suits a certain type of disposition. But not for everyone. Sharon I picked up on your statement that said. "We decided that you needed a more 'strict' doctor." You are in Control and you state your needs. e.g. "I need a compassionate supportive counsellor" not necessarily a strict counsellor. When you are able to state your needs this will command you respect with any doctor. I took my GP to the highest authority in England. My husband could have died at that time due to Neglect. I refused to meet with the medical profession who would use medical technical jargon to support each other and make me look incompetent (in much the same way you were left feeling as if you had been a naughty person grieving for your son.) Don't let anyone ever make you feel LESS THAN. Empower yourself. Know what you want. Know how to get it. And GO FOR IT. It was never my intention to get my GP into trouble. I wanted better medical care. Our G.P. then came to our home and ADMITTED. "Mistakes were made." That was enough for me. He took responsibility. I got what we needed. I never did change my GP. I can look him in the face and know I won my case. We got better care and RESPECT. Don't EVER back down. Counselling gave me back my confidence. I need my GP to refer me to a specialist. he was concerned about funding. I told him what I needed and what I didn't need, and how I wanted this for my needs. BE BOLD. BE BRAVE. You can do it. I am having to support my sister. She was crying down the phone about her medical care. The Pain she is in and how her GP and hospital doctor is treating her. I am giving her the confidence to state her case. I feel so angry and hurt for everyone who is treated unfair and left feeling so unhappy. You don't need this. You have lost your son. No one tells you HOW & WHEN to get over this. I wish you all the best in getting your needs met.
Best wishes Doreen

Jan 04, 2013
My beautiful son
by: Sharon

Dear Lesley and Doreen

Thank you both so much for your messages. They mean so much. Its amazing when you realise that this pain we are suffering is also being felt by other people all over the world. You feel so isolated and alone when grief engulfs you. It is so personal and it feels like no-one can endure this pain and survive. I was under my doctor, a very kind young woman who was also Chris' doctor. She cried with me and helped in so many ways with my various ailments which 'attacked me' during my grief induced days and months. One day I accidentaly saw a different doctor - a male doctor - who has absolutely no compassion or understanding of what was happening to me. He told me I had to have grief counselling because 'I shouldn't still be feeling like this at this stage ...........!' (18 months after my loss). His sarcastic and uncaring ways were totally uncalled for. I finally got in to see my angel doctor who told me that they had decided 'I needed to see someone stricter' and that I would be seeing him in future. I felt as if I had been naughty in grieving for my wonderful son. I don't expect everyone to understand my grief but I thought a GP would have a bit more understanding than most. I feel completely let down by them and am now having to look for alternative GP's. It's one more thing to overwhelm me!!!!!!!!!!!!

My love and prayers to you both - I hope we all manage to find some peace in our minds and hearts.

Sharon x

Jan 03, 2013
RESPONSE TO MY BEAUTIFUL SON CHRIS
by: Lesley Couzens (South Africa)

I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my Son suddenly in a terrible accident. Just hang in there, you will go through stages of anger, sadness, longing, frustration etc. I will tell you that although that physical pain that you feel never fades, it never goes away after all he is and always will be your child. The longing doesn't go away either, you just want to hold him close, kiss his cheek, hold his hand and it is frustrating. There is light at the end of the tunnel, you learn over time to cope with the pain. You learn how to keep your grief in check, when to cry (which I still do every day and it has been 4 years for me, when to laugh although you feel that you shouldn't laugh 'cause you feel guilty, but your Son would want you to. That's just a little of what to expect. Join a group that have or are going through the same as you, it does help. Kind regards, Angel Mum.

Jan 03, 2013
My beautiful son, Chris - 6.3.91- 12.5.11
by: Doreen U.K.

Sharon I am deeply sorry for your unbearable loss of your Son Chris to an untimely death at such a young age. This will be a very difficult grief for you and your family especially Chris's brother. It is a very painful time of grief for young people who seem to have their lives claimed back to the earth. The Universe is swallowing up our young people at an alarming rate. I don't understand it all. My brother-in-law almost died of an aneurysm. This happens so fast that many don't make it to the operating theatre. They die immediately. I am happy that my sister did not become a widow that night. She lost her son when through depression he threw himself in front of an express train 6 years ago. He was 30yrs.
I lost my husband 8 months ago to cancer. My husband died a slow painful death.
The loss is so immense and unbearable for us ALL. It is so difficult moving one each day when you feel as if your body is all beat up with grief. Our body can't cope but our mind is racing fast our bodies can't catch up. In the 8 months I have not been able to do very much. I just do what I can and I leave the rest till I am able.
Your son died immediately and did not suffer any pain. Our Grief whilst shared with others is something we bear Alone. WE carry the scars forever. Oh how I MISS my husband. I will never get over his death like everyone feels and says.
This was your son you carried for 9 months and reared to become a MAN and then so fast he is gone. It feels so unreal as if it didn't happen and was all a dream. Strange how the Mind behaves in Grief. WE couldn't control how we feel even if we think positively. This is a process and a journey we take alone individually within our own family. Everyone has different feelings, memories and experiences. But a Mom has them all. It feels as if you are carrying the world on your shoulders and it is weighing you down. I know in the days ahead it will get easier I am told. But when? No one knows. I pray for Strength for you to cope with your sorrow in the days ahead and that you will find Peace in the midst of your pain.

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