My beautiful son Josh 1 Year on.

by Karen.

My 14 yr old son Josh went away 1 yr ago today 17/08/2011.That day was and still is the worst day of my life.He was so young and we still dont know what went wrong that horrible morning.I miss my baby boy so much.Icry all the time this should not have happend to him he was so young.I look at his last school photo and ask why him.He was such a good boy never had a bad word for any one and was always there to help.I see his Coffin so clear and cant beleive he was in there.I miss him soooo much.My family doesnt come around any more havnt seen them for around 8 months now,my sister told me i was a selfish bitch because i said i didnt care what happend to our Nephew they dont care about me so i dont care what happens to them anymore.Its only Me my Hubby and my other son now.No body knows the pain of losing a child unless you have been through the same hell as us.I just wish i would die in my sleep and all the pain would be gone and i would be with my Josh .I miss and love you so much the pain is so unberable and time doesnt make it any better.I love you my bubba cakes.Your ever loving mum.xxoo

Comments for My beautiful son Josh 1 Year on.

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Aug 18, 2012
My beautiful son Josh 1 year on.
by: Pam

So so sorry about your son, I too lost my son 2 years ago. Your so right terriable life now, empty, lonely, sad, angre, etc, etc.... People can be so crul I've learned in my journey, very crul. I have to stay away from those people, they are not helping me deal with my sadness. Sending you sympathy and hope during your difficult times. [Forever in my heart my Son Michael]

Aug 18, 2012
My beautiful son Josh 1 Year on.
by: Doreen U.K.

Karen I am sorry that you are still in a very desperate place with your grief. You need to URGENTLY consider seeing a grief counsellor to support you in your unbearable pain. I had a day like this yesterday. I wanted to die. I didn't want to go on. My sister in Australia NSW skyped me and saw how broken I was. Steve died of cancer 3 months ago. He was 65yrs. He had retired. I nursed him all this time of a deadly cancer. He suffered badly for the whole 3yrs. I had to watch Steve die slowly in terrible pain. Grief is UNBEARABLE PAIN. We have no control over. It just happens automatically. Karen I empathize with you regarding your family not visiting you anymore. Sadly this happens more and more at a time of death and loss in the family. this is when you know who your true supporters are. When Steve died my family spent the week here on a daily basis, and every day someone bought food around and I didn't have to worry about this. Each person knew what they had to do. You don't forget this Love in the same way YOU will remember those who are there for you when you needed them. You expressed yourself about not caring for your nephew. You must have had good reason to say this. You didn't deserve to be called a selfish bitch. Often this says more about the person saying it. I just told my son "Why didn't you ever wash your Dad's car" You never did want to do it. You told your sister to do this instead. I nursed Steve for over 3 yrs. and I managed to wash his big car and polish the inside. Steve was so happy someone cared. Our son could have done this. Our son could also have done our garden of the house he is going to inherit instead of my sister's and my brother-in-law having to come down a long distance to do this. I did confront this along with saying that he used his father's tools and threw them on the floor. He used up all his father's engine oil and never replaced this or other things he used. he told me I was being HOSTILE. He walked away from me on the day of the funeral. and so he uses my sisters as his mother and sends them text messages to ask how they are. I was hurt so I expressed myself here on this site saying my children walked away from me on the day of the funeral. and the one and only person who replied to my post was judgemental saying I must have given my children a reason to walk away from me and why did I bring it up. I replied to her and said I LOST MY CHILDREN ON THE DAY OF THE FUNERAL. IT IS ANOTHER KIND OF LOSS. It has to be grieved this is why I brought it up. You may end up with people like this even on this site. JUDGEMENTAL. Don't let other people compound your grief. I hope the days ahead will be better ONE DAY AT A TIME for you. I hope new people will come into your life and support you in the way you need. If you need to talk. you can email me

Aug 17, 2012
I know
by: rayolife

God bless you! I lost my 28 year old son, David , 4 years ago. I still cry uncontrollably at times! This is a miserable life!

Aug 17, 2012
Karen you are right
by: Nancy

You are right when you say that unless you are left to grieve a child of your own - you cannot understand the pain that a mother or father goes through. I am sorry that your sister has said such unkind things to you. I am sorry that you feel like your family left you alone when you need them the most. It is so much more reason why you maintain contact with a site like this. People use this site to get validation for the pain that they are going through. Others have been through similar experiences, although each of them have their own path to walk down, they can relate to the pain.
Having a place to share is vital to healing and knowing that you can say whatever you need to and knowing that you will not be judge is important. Please do that, return to the site as much as you need to. Reach out to others so that they can share their experiences with you and let them love on you so you can heal and they can also heal. Your friend Nancy

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