My beautiful Son

by Michelle

I lost my 23 year old son just 5 weeks and 1 day ago.
It also happened to be my birthday and his 3 days before.
I find it hard to write this as it was workplace accident and to this day it feel so very surreal and I still feel he will come back into our lives at any time soon.

He was engaged and due to marry in October, therefore supporting his fiance in all of this is something I promised him we would do. And I will honour this promise as long as she needs/wants us in her life.

We visit him at his burial site almost every day and I will not hear people tell me it will become less and less, this makes me angry. They are not us, they cannot know what this is like and I will never let my son go this alone. I put him on this earth and I will not let him down now he has been taken from us. It gives me some comfort going to sit with him and talk and cry.

The hurt I feel is knowing that I was unable to protect him from this all, and that he was alone when he died...Nobody should be alone. I cry inside wondering if he was in pain and people like me to think otherwise but they cannot possibly know. I cry wondering if he was calling out and nobody heard him.
I said goodbye to him the day before his funeral and oh my god, it was not him laying in the casket, it was not him he was not there...I needed to say goodbye and touch him and kiss him but the pain of seeing him there will be forever with me.
Also trying to deal with him being lowered into that big deep dark hole, I cannot get the image from my mind and feel so sick thinking we are reduced to this. Some small consolation is that we will be together again one day and to ensure that we bought the site next to him. Our family will always be together, and our other 2 sons have requested this also...of course this may change in the future but for now this is what we all want...and as we know, life is not to be taken for granted and we never know when we are next.

I just want to see my sons beautiful face, and his cheeky smile and feel his gorgeous curls.
Just one more time :(

He is gone from our daily lives but always in our hearts and thoughts 24/7 - Normal too has gone for us as we feel such an emptiness inside us all.

Comments for My beautiful Son

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May 12, 2013
The day the music died
by: Cindy

Dear Michelle.

Please read my story the day the music died. I to have the same feelings. Putting my son in the ground was the worst. I can tell all of you that I know we will hold and see all of our children again. How do I know? Love it never dies. It's the only thing we take with us to the other side. I think that is the real reason for all of us being here. To experience love. So be at peace. This life is a second and we will see our babies again. I love u Michelle and remember you are not alone.

Mar 03, 2013
Shared grief
by: Anonymous

Hi Michelle,

I could have been reading my own story just now.I am so sorry for your loss and we are going through the same feelings exactly. Our son Luke age 33 years still lived at home with us.on the 22/12/12 he left home for the last time.later in the evening he was knocked down by a car and then another car ran over him. I like you are thinking did he know anything was he calling out for us I don't know.we had to wait 7 weeks until we buried him. We visit the grave we shouldn't be visiting our sons graves though should we.? I have a lovely husband and two daughters two grandsons. Our luke was single I will never see anymore grandchildren from him.people say time heals, but nothing is ever going to heal my broken heart,
Thinking of you


Mar 01, 2013
my son is also gone.
by: Desiree

I lost my youngest son on 8/20/12 (also my birthday) He was a victim of a homicide. He was looking to buy a jet ski off craigslist,went to someones home he didnt know, and he was shot in the back and killed instantly. My life will never be the same, nor will his brothers. I feel so lost. My heart is broken. No words for this pain i feel.

Feb 26, 2013
Your son
by: Katr

So sorry you have to know this deep pain. I lost my son who was 39 in Nov. 2012 I don't know how I make it through each day. This site helps as we are all in the same suffering pain. We can write our feelings and not be afraid to say how hard it it to go on without our loves. My heart goes out to you as you and I and others on here carry our grief. Our love will never die
And all the emotions anger,sorrow,pain,numbness are normal in our tremendous loss. We share that sadness on here. We express to try and grasp the great loss.

Feb 25, 2013
Looking ahead.
by: Colin

I spoke to someone very soon after my son passed away who I knew had lost his son 15 years earlier and asked him "how do I cope with this" his comment to me was you will"NEVER" get over this but you will learn to live with it pulling at your sole... 2 years on now I have times when I am so busy that I don't talk to my son for a couple of days and when I realise I almost panic, I feel guilty, I question myself am I forgetting him, why have I not cried for for a while and that terrible feeling has subsided but then just like now it fly back at you and hits you in the chest like a brick wall,,,, there is nothing I can say to make it easier only to say do what you have to do for you and don't worry if you think you might forget him, believe me you won't but life for you will never ever be the same. I hope this helps just a little take and care of your self first and foremost.
It's not a pretty picture I remember very clearly trying understand what I was going through.

Feb 25, 2013
by: Eba

So sorry Mechell for your son's lost ,,I lost my youngest son on the 21/2/2011 he was born on the 14/7/1984..... I think of him and misses him daily ,he was my angle my youngest child and before he passed away his 2 sisters and brother know that he's the one I loved more ,why because he was very innocent very polite lovable son OMG I miss him soooooooooooooooooo much. ,it won't be easy to us my friend not at all ,till now I can't wear make up ,it still hurt not to see my son again ,I dreamed yesterday that he called me I heard his voice I was exteamly happy in my dream and till now,

Feb 24, 2013
my sweet son
by: Gilda Melancon

oh my God my son was murdered on Christmas day in brazil I will the same way I know I saw him in the coffin but I still Waite for him to call me on skype or e-mail me he was due to come home in Feb.
I received the call Christmas morning @11:40am
he had been working in brazil for the last 2 1/2 years his wife in the US had divorced him he left behind 3 children in The US he was married for 24yr.
my son was only 42yrs. in Jan. he turned 43
in Feb. he married a Brazillian woman & they were at a family Christmas party when either her or someone in her family killed my wonderful sweet son that I will never hear his voice again oe see his handsome face I just am having a hard time with this I don't know how I can go on

Feb 24, 2013
I am sorry
by: Tina

Wow how close this hits to home. It has been five weeks and 2 days since I lost my son. He died in my room I heard his last heart beat. I have a page on this Site called my beautiful son Brett. I was traumatized by having to do cpr and watching this all unfold. But I was with him and did all I could. I am grateful for that. I am so sorry your son died. I know how badly you are hurting. I am with you in your grief. I wish you could have been with your son too. My son was 22 and so full of life. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for whatever makes you feel better. I feel like my son is in heaven so I don't go to his grave everyday. That is just to hard for me to do. I write to him and talk to him and I pray alot. I am sending love and prayers your way, please know this. I am so sorry. Words cannot undo any of this I know. But we must remember that they are waiting on us to come home and not us them. Love and prayers to you all

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