my beautifull son Paul

by Dot Ward
(United kingdom)

my son paul was 38 and such a loving kind son he was my rock my first born boy my life.
he took his own life on sunday 29th april 2012.
my grief is so strong i cant look at a photograph of him without going into uncontrollable cries and sobs,
yet i want to look at him i loved him so so much,
i cant bear this pain i have lost my soul mate, he was my rock my beautifull beautifull boy how will i live without him,i have been through the loss of loved ones before and thought i knew pain but nothing compares to this pain.
Dot Ward

Comments for my beautifull son Paul

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Jul 18, 2012
I know how you feel.
by: Patricia

I really know how you feel, my own lovely son took his own life 10 months ago and it is so hard to even get up every day. Why do the loveliest men always seem to end up with the most awful women for their wives. My son was a lovely, kind man and she will never meet anyone like him again. She felt she could treat him like muck and he would always come back for more. He loved her but couldn't live with her bullying, agressive and controlling personality and rather than dump her he took his own life, (he couldn't hurt anyone but himself.) The pain of losing your child is horrendous, no child should die before their parents especially to suicide as this is so avoidable. We have to go through the whys, what ifs and never ending wishes that we could have done more to help them. We could drive ourselves mad with this grief but we have other people that need us to be there for them and that is why we must go on. I hope that time will ease the pain and sorrow, just one day at a time.

May 07, 2012
my beautifull son paul.
by: Anonymous

Hello its Dot Pauls mum.
i dont know how i am going to live without my son he was so special he had the biggest smile, lovely nature, he was so kind,
he didnt deserve to be hurt the way he was, I know that he wouldnt want to leave all this hurt behind, But he has and i can not see a way out of this black hole. i loved him so much, i will miss his phone calls and texts, him coming for his dinner, oh god i hurt so much i still send him texts on his phone stupid i know but i cant help it, i am dreading thursday the 10th may because that is the day of his funeral, my heart is shattered, my other children are devastated, we all are , i have lots of cards and nice words sent to me about himbut, i just want my boy back.
i ove and miss him so so much.
thanks for the replys and the kind words.

May 03, 2012
my beautifull son paul.
by: Dot

I would like to pass my heartfelt thanks to all the people that replied to me it is a comfort to know people are out there that understands and care thank-you sooo much
love dot

May 02, 2012
My Son Was Paul As Well
by: Carol

My son, Paul, took his life Nov 27 2011. He was 33, father of 2 and husband to a wicked, selfish excuse for a human being. For months, I had heard my son over the phone telling me how awful everything was, and how he couldn't see any way out. Everything I suggested wasn't a good fit. I now have a giant hole, space, permanent pain where he was. He was my only child. His father and I are both remarried, and my current husband doesn't truly 'get it'. Please know I hear your pain and know what you are feeling, and I am SOOOO sorry that you have to hurt.

May 02, 2012
I cry for you too
by: Cheryl

Dear Dot, the pain of your sorrow echoes mine. I lost my 44 year old son Daniel very suddenly 9 months ago (July 2011)from heart failure. He was my first-born,the light of my life. He expressed his love for me so openly - always telling me and texting me - "I love you Mum". I really miss that. My younger son suffers from SPELD and dillusional paranoia. I know he loves me but he is unable to express it. And that is what I miss the most, those messages of love from my son. I cried when I read your post. I wish I could help you with your grief. All I can say is "I know how you feel". Keep visiting here and sharing your grief, and your tears. I found it helped me. I wish I was with you so that I could give you a big hug. Love & hugs from Cheryl. (Australia) xx

May 02, 2012
Your grief is so fresh...
by: SoSadDad

Dot, my heart breaks for you, that's just four days ago that you lost Paul, and in such a tragic way. You just let everything go; cry, wail, scream, whatever comes to your heart and mind. And keep looking at those pictures. It hurts, I know, but everything will hurt for some time. Don't try to be strong, and don't try to hide your emotions. They are really beyond your control now, and perfectly normal during this awful time of your life. But do be careful. You might feel like nothing matters now, not even living. But it does, and you must take steps to keep yourself healthy and safe as this grief progresses. I have lost both of my children, my two adult daughters, Mel on 9/20/2009 and Jenn on 7/16/2011. I stare at their pictures every day and long for them to be here. I think that this can't be possible, not to lose just one but both of them. And I cry. But I won't stop looking, and longing, and missing. Dot, please keep coming here and expressing yourself. And find someone who will sit with you and cry with you and listen to you over and over again. And when you have a little strength, visit This is an organization run by parents who have lost a child, or two or three. There is much very good information to read. And in time, perhaps you can look up a local chapter and attend a few meetings. It keeps me sane, even though I feel otherwise too often. You will survive, Dot. You will never get over this, and you will always miss Paul. But you will survive.

God bless you!

May 02, 2012
From One Mother to Another
by: Rose L

I am so sorry. Your pain is unbearable, I know. You feel like your heart has been ripped from you and you can't breathe. Really, you aren't sure if you want to-breathe. Every movement is an effort and every thought relates to your loss..I know. I have been there, too. Let yourself feel the numbness for now. It helps for a while. I was in the fog for about a month before I could function at all. Grieve and scream and cry and do whatever your body tells you to do-don't let anyone dictate your grief. This is yours, own it, feel it, live it. Feel every sad moment and you will survive it-God will hold you up.

Rose L.

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