My Beloved husband of 43 yrs and I am so sad

I have posted on this site about my husband dying in Nov. 2012 of Sudden cardiac arrest and my world and my grown children's world came crashing down. He was the best husband, Dad and grandfather ever. He was our rock and protector. It has been a little passed 6 mons and I feel stronger in some ways and worse in other ways. The reality of my loss has set in and I see my life as it must be now---without my best friend and the only love of my life. I now am faced with doing all the things that he did around the house; all the decision making and doing jobs that I never had a clue about before. I feel his love and encouragement to keep trying and go on for the kids and grandkids. I go about doing a difficult task that my husband made look so easy. It is very hard and then I sit down and cry and cry. Then I get up (God pulls me up) and try again. Some things take me hours to do but when I accomplish it I feel my husband being so proud of me. My heart can never be broken again because it is cracked into a million pieces and I wish I could go to heaven with my love. But, God has another plan for me--I guess He wants me to stay on earth for a while yet. I think about my husband all the time; I dream about him most every night and I long for the day when Jesus calls my name and I will see my husband again. On this site we all have the same feelings and emotions and I am so sorry for all your pain.

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Nov 17, 2013
tomorrow is one year
by: Anonymous--MI

Tomorrow, Nov 18th, 2013----will mark one year that my husband, the love of my love, died of Sudden Cardiac Arrest. I want to share a little of how I feel today. Since my husband died I began counting the days, the weeks, the months; it seems that our brain tells us that reaching the 'one year mark' will somehow be a milestone of sorts. In my situation, I think "well, it is here, now what?" Still the pain, the broken heart and the journey of grief continues for me, my grown children and grandchildren. We will never get over this sorrow; but as many others have said 'we get through it'. During this past year I went from a woman whose husband took care of so many things such as the financial and home repairs to being the center of our lives. As you all know, this has created a huge void in our lives that will never be filled. What I have learned is that my trust in God and faith has strengthened and He is my only hope of surviving this grief. I have taken care of many tasks that I never thought I could. I have made mistakes and extra work for myself but I am learning how to take care of matters and gradually gaining a little confidence in myself. I cry every day; the tears come when I least expect it. A song, a smell, the shadows of the sun and the blue sky all bring back the sweet love that my husband and I shared for 43 yrs and 3 months. I find, after one year, that I can be thankful for small things and the fact that I had 43 amazing yrs with my husband. My grief will always be with me; the sad times will remain but I look to my blessings and thank God for His love and how He continues to abide with me. God Bless all on this site. Anonymous from Michigan.

Jun 16, 2013
God Please help me get out of this pit I am in!
by: Doreen U.K.

Linda I ran out of space and wanted to say that even if we are in grief. So are you. You are feeling down so I don't think we would be so focused on our own grief when you are struggling with more than losing your husband. You are about to lose your home and your father. It is a very frightening place to be. It makes us feel very insecure.
When I am struggling I often say to God. "If only Steve (husband) could see me now. I wonder what he would say. My husband observed me run the whole house and wondered how I did it and said he would never cope with it all. But I have no Choice. I have to do it. But even I have my breaking point. WE all do. I have even turned to God and said. You promised you wouldn't give us more than we can bear but will make a way of escape so we can bear it. "So God I am waiting for you to Deliver on your Promises." Often we do feel as if we have too much a load to carry and we can't bear any more. It is then that often God shows up. One time I told God. "I GIVE UP!" I am not doing this anymore. I CAN'T. It was then that God took over when I gave up. Remember always. GOD IS OUR PROVIDER. Ask God to RESCUE YOU from where you are and WAIT ON GOD. You can do nothing more about your situation. Ask God to send the right people your way who can help you in a more personal way. Don't stop talking to God even if you don't feel like it. I have been there also. Keep writing back to this site for support and let us continually know how you are doing. We need you as much as you need us. Write on a piece of paper. GOD LOVES ME AND CARES ABOUT ME, EVEN IF I DON'T FEEL IT JUST NOW. I WAIT ON MY MIRACLE FROM GOD. Read it every day, until you get your miracle and things turn around for you. WAIT ON GOD!

Jun 16, 2013
Let others be strong for you in times like this.
by: Doreen U.K.

Linda of course you can't be strong. How can you! You have just lost everything by losing your husband of 43yrs. and now struggling to keep the roof over your head. You have no support and all alone with your grief. This is enough to make anyone give up. I would feel the same way. I have been depressed to the point of giving up and not being able to go on in life with depression. My family struggled with poverty all my growing years. I have seen much tribulation. But God saw us through it all. When I look back I would never have got through anything. God may seem far away just now and you feel as if your prayers are hitting the ceiling. We have all been there. I lost my beloved husband 13 months ago after 44yrs. of marriage. No one can expect us to recover from grief of losing someone we had been with for so many years. GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL. What I did when I gave up was to write in a journal all my feelings and struggles in a dialogue between ME and GOD. Almost like prayers and cries to God when I couldn't pray. God will hear you. Sometimes God stretches us and it almost feels cruel but healing comes out of this. You are being stretched beyond what is bearable. Try and find a Church and get support from the Pastor and people there who can take you under their wings. If you own your own home then downsize and try and find this way out of your struggles. If you have your own home and don't want to sell it because it was yours/husbands. Then try and rent out rooms/garage. Anything that can bring in some money. Don't stop praying. God is our ONLY HOPE. God knows when we are so low and can't PRAY. I have been there which is why the prayer journal is good You can express raw grief here towards God and He will hear you. I saw God come through often when we hit rock bottom and you are here now. God has a vested interest in all His Creation. DON'T GIVE UP!!. Some battles we can't fight. God goes before us and fights for us. I wish I could be with you in person to encourage you and lift you up when you are feeling so low. Often we need people around us. this is the hard part of grief. Ask God to throw you a LIFELINE. When He does. CATCH IT. Never look down. Keep looking up. My prayers are with you. WE gain our greatest strength when we lift up others who are struggling. Please write back. May God go with you and Comfort you from your deep sorrow and struggles at this time.

Jun 15, 2013
My Beloved husband of 43 yrs and I am so sad
by: Linda

I have read all your comments and can feel how everyone is suffering so much from the loss of their loved one. I have read with awe on how many have turned to God for comfort, I wish I had the strenght & conviction to do that . I have tried so hard and things just seem to get worse as more time goes by. I lost my hubby, my soulmate suddenly 4 almost 5 mos ago and am struggling every waking second of every day. I have come to the realization that their isn't anyone who can help me. I do not find joy in anything at all anymore nothing. My Dad is dying and doesn't have much longer to live, the doctor is surprised he is still holding on. I know that I am going to lose our house as I keep falling further and further behind, even working 50 hrs a wk isn't making a dent. I know I am giving up, when I am not at work, I turn off the phone and hide in my room. I tried but just can not do it anymore,I'm tired, sick of worring, sick of missing my hubby, sick of the ache in my heart and the knot in my stomach. I've asked God for his help, his peace, but just can't find it. I'm sorry this comment is such a downer, as you all are struggling with your own pain & loss, but I do not have anyone I can turn to anymore who understands what I'm going through. All I ever hear lately is to stay strong, yah right how do you do that when you lost your soulmate and now are losing everything you both worked so damn hard for... I don't see a blue sky in my horizon anymore not even a glimspe

Jun 13, 2013
I feel so sad
by: Doreen U.K.

Anonymous MI. I know how you feel. This is such a sorrowful journey for all of us now who have lost the love of our lives.
I am also aware of how vulnerable I feel to not being protected. I am aware of how LONELY life is now for me. Your post is not dreary. It is true to how you feel. No one can take that away from you. Just express how you feel because we understand. We are not meant to get over grief. We are meant to GO THROUGH IT. This is how we heal. All those people who don't understand will one day lose people from their lives and will have to come to us for understanding and support.
You are so right that God is the only one to help us get through this grief. God gave us life and he takes it back because of SIN. God set up marriage and the family so God is the one we look to for Comfort and healing. God knows we have to dwell on this earth and we cannot function in isolation. People need each other. Even if we have friends and our extended family it will never be enough. Fulfilment comes from being with our partner/husband/wife/soulmate. This is a HUGE LOSS for all of us. We have lost that ONENESS/FULFILMENT. This is where our UNBEARABLE SORROW comes from. Nothing can ever replace this.
On TV. today in England was a woman who suddenly lost her husband who was a law enforcement officer. He just dropped dead. She had 2 young children. Six months ago someone walked into her life and married her and took on her children and she now has another baby with her new husband. She is happy but guilty about how she will be judged. She is only 30yrs. and far too young to face life alone. Some people will find love again in life. There is nothing wrong with this if it works well. God gives permission for remarriage when someone dies. So people should not be quick to judge. The expert (agony aunt) who has written a book on bereavement has lost 2 husbands. It was announced on TV that she was getting remarried. Her TV Presenter friend rang her up and said. "You had us all fooled." This woman poured fire on her happiness and no one has the right to do this. She was hurt and shed tears on TV. I felt her pain and wanted to comfort her as she comforts others on TV with her wisdom. We just have to write such people out of our lives. WE don't need judgemental people around us.
I Hope Life is Kind to all of us who are grieving a loss of a loved one. MI I hope God wraps his loving arms around you and Comforts you every minute of each day.

Jun 13, 2013
I am so sad
by: Anonymous--Mi

Silver and Doreen and all of you that post comments of encouragement in our journey of grief from loosing our loved ones, thank you. When my husband died in Nov 2012 half of me died also. It has been nearly 7 months and I sense from many friends and some family that I should be "getting on with life" While their lives continue on the same mine(and yours) have been changed forever and the joy we once felt is now gone. I have found that when the funeral is over and the weeks pass, that my life without my husband is indeed an ALONE one. What my husband once took care of is now in my lap to deal with. People mean well when they say at the funeral "let me know if you need any help" These are words spoken with real intent at the time but in reality these people are too busy with their own lives to help this widow. It is just a fact of life. I am going through the realization that I am an "extra" a woman without an escort, one to drive everywhere alone, and to know that I must be alert and aware of dangers as being a woman alone can draw the evilness of unsavory characters. I miss my husbands protection, his leadership and guidance and his total love for me. This is a dreary post and I am sorry but I feel so lost, so alone and so burdened without the one and only love of my life. I'm holding on to God's hand for strength. He is all that I have and one glad day I will know that He is all that I need. Right now, I am too broken hearted to feel it.

Jun 11, 2013
my beloved husband of 43 yrs.
by: silver

Like the rest of the people here who have sent our best friend,our forever love on ahead of us,I send you prayers for strength and peace.My love left me on May 29,2011.He was 62.I only had 33 yrs with him.I wish I could have had so much more,but I am glad I had that much.I know a couple who only had a yr before marriage and he died suddenly before their first anniversary.I believe it's not how much time on this earth we have but the kind of time we had.We loved our partners with all our hearts.We will never forget them and we will miss them until we join them at a later date.My mom died 7 months after my dad.They had been married 64 yrs.I felt like I wanted to die also and gave up (mostly)for the first yr and half.I look back now(it's been 2 yrs)and think how my children would have felt if they had to lose both parents so quickly as I did.I am beginning to move on and get out of the house at least once a week.I am walking some each day.I let my physical self get so run down that it is hard but I push myself to get better now.Please read some of the poetry a lot of us have put on this site.It helped me to know that I am not alone in this fight to keep going.I have a poem called "I only cry a Little", one called "My Heart",and one called "My Rock".There are many others that are so beautiful and full of the love shared.Only those who have been here can understand fully how we feel.I know this because when my mom died why she didn't just get up and go see her friends and do things and then 11 months later when it happened to me I FULLY understood.I keep all of you in my prayers.May GOD give you the strength you need.

Jun 10, 2013
in same boat
by: Anonymous-Mi

Carolyn, your post of Jun 5th was very meaningful to me as I see that you are a person who follows Jesus Christ. I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband and know your pain. I am so very sad and lonely and long for my husband. There are times that I can hardly bear the absence of him in my life. I know he is in heaven and the happiest he ever was and more so. I, selfishly want him back. These 6 1/2 months have been brutal and I am certain more of the same is coming. But, in all of this my only hope is God. Thank you for your comments.

Jun 05, 2013
In the same boat
by: Carolyn

My husband of 50 yrs passed in December of 2012 and I could relate to everything you shared, doing things around the house that he did but feeling stressed at times because of it. I too rely only on God to get me through each day. I journal everyday also. The most recent thing I am understanding is that God made me for a plan and a purpose before I met my precious Jim and the plan included him but the plan goes on without him. I have to trust that this great pain and sorrow will help me to become the woman God wants me to be, and that I will complete the plan he has for the balance of my life as hard as it is. May God have mercy on all of us who are grieving and give us strength to go on, bless you.

Jun 05, 2013
So sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss, and while my loss was different, I can relate to your grief. It was my Dad that I lost to Sudden Cardiac Arrest in January, and I am still reeling from the shock of it all. It has blown a hole into my life, and I will forever be changed. I had seen my Dad two days earlier, he was at my son's basketball game and seemed fine. That was Saturday. I will never forget what he was wearing, what we talked about or the walk out to the parking lot when the game was over...he was heading to the park to go for a walk and enjoy the exceptionally warm January day. On Monday he collapsed while playing golf and was gone. The suddeness of his death is so devastating, I still have days where I cannot accept the fact that he is gone. He was not in poor health or poor physical condition. He seemed fine. He and my Mom would have been married 50 years this October. She is learning to take care of the house, the yard, the is draining, and it is so sad to watch her be alone. I am an only child, and while I have a great relationship with her, it does not compare to the relationship I had with my father. I take comfort in knowing that he did not suffer at the end. His friends, EMTs and ER doctors performed heroically, but there was nothing that could be done. He was talking to his friend and just fell over. No warning. Nothing. I do wonder if he had any thoughts, or pain, and I will drive myself crazy going over his last moments. The grief seems worse now to me because I guess the reality has set in. I find that I am not as strong as I thought I was, and maybe this is supposed to be a life lesson for me. I hope you begin to heal and find support and comfort here. Wishing you peace.....

Jun 05, 2013
my beloved husband of 43 yrs
by: Gwen

Doreen---thank you for posting regarding my sadness in the loss of my husband. You are truly an inspiration to those of us in sorrow. Thank you for sharing with us your journey on this road of grief. On this website we know we are in this together and each of us can identify and feel the same emotions. I pray for every person in grief that God will lead us out of this valley of darkness into a brighter happier place where we can remember our loved ones in gratitude without the raw bitter sorrow we feel now. Doreen, I hope you are blessed in some way today that you can feel the love of God holding you close.

Jun 05, 2013
by: lawrence

What on earth can anybody say to ease your pain, if there was a tablet to take we all on this site would take dozens of them.
We have suffered the torment and heartache that you are going through.
Facing the future without the person we loved more than life itself seems impossible but we have to do it, there is no alternative, you must do what I do; keep a smile on my face for your family as not to let them know you are dying of grief inside.
If you have been reading my posts you will have seen I lost a beautiful wonderful wife on Christmas day in an instant after being together for nearly seventy years, first as sweethearts then as a married couple, my life now without her is intolerable and even to see people kissing on TV reduces me heartbreaking tears. We had a passionate marriage and were besotted with each other from the moment we met when she was fourteen until I closed her eyes and kissed her goodbye on her deathbed.
I keep repeating my favorite saying “GRIEF IS THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR YOUR HAPPINESS” so Thank God for all your happy memories and the wonderful love you had for each other and how very lucky you both were to find such love, so few people do.
We are of many religions on his site but there is only one GOD and we are all praying to bring you and indeed all of us some relief from our agonizing pain.

Jun 05, 2013
My Beloved husband of 43 yrs and I am so sad
by: Doreen U.K.

I enjoyed reading your new post. You expressed the difficulties you have had and also the Hope of moving forward. You have a lot of positivity that helps us feel we can go on. You are also A believer in God and this helps you move on with Hope.
For me my husband always worked long hours and away round our country and the world as a carpenter so I just got on with doing all the house jobs I could manage and also brought up 3 children and did the running of the house for over 44yrs. My husband whilst dying of cancer observed all I was doing along with caring for him with terminal cancer and he didn't know where I got the strength from. He said he would never be able to cope with what I was doing.
I did it all with the support and strength of God. I would never have managed without God's help. On reflection what I did was superhuman impossible. I sanded and painted windows and doors and did all the house redecorating. Made all the phone calls for tradesmen when needed and so I have been able to cope today. But I still need tradesmen to do the carpentry jobs. I do all the gardening and have just planted hanging baskets and a garden for my beloved husband. One year we had a competition to see who could plant the best baskets. But Steve was dying of cancer and didn't get to finish this. This year is the first year I have cracked it and got the baskets to be in full bloom and as I always dreamed of. I feel sad Steve is not here to see them. This was my thoughts just today this morning. It makes me feel happy when I accomplish little jobs each day.
You will find yourself accomplishing more and more as time goes on. We don't have to work to some timetable. I still can't get motivated to do much as my body is still in severe pain so I do what I can otherwise I would go on a training course to learn the basics.
But it is my FAITH that will keep me going on in life each day otherwise I would just give up on life. I wouldn't see the point of the struggling. It is the Hope of living again with my husband that will keep me surviving to see another day. But just like you, I feel so very sad every day. And I guess this won't change.
Thank you for sharing your story of Hope and courage and strength. May your life continue to be Blessed and be happier each day.

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