My beloved Mother; My Hero
My mom recently passed in October 30, 2011. She was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer and fought this horrific disease for 11 years. She is truly my hero for fighting for so long with grace and passion. When she found out she had cancer, doctors gave her 6 months-2 years to live; but with her faith and determination, a decade passed with her presence still here. It has been very hard to cope with such a loss. I have three older sisters and my father to help me through this process, but now then ever i feel that I need to make sure my dad is ok before me. I am the youngest of four sisters. I am 22 years old..all my sisters have kids and I am blessed that my mother had a chance to be a grandmother..The challenge that I am facing is the fact that she is not physically here to meet my future children...
She was my rock. Her motherly touch is what I miss the most. Being able to hug her, hold her, see her, is the hardest to deal with. I visit her often at the cemetery, but it's just not the same. She was such a faithful devout to her catholic religion. She relied in her prayers and faith more than chemo ever offered. She made it look so easy, fighting with this disease; also saw the brighter side to things and never gave up. Went through 6 surgeries in one week, and still had a smile on her face with her rosary wrapped in her right hand.
The last couple of months of her life, we wanted to make sure she enjoyed it as much as possible. So we went to Clearlake and rented a house on the lake. She loved it. Even being tied to a chord linked to an oxygen tank, she wouldn't miss going to the casino 5 minutes away :) Later in August, she went to Disneyland with my older sister. She came back with all these great souvenirs that I cherish so much..
At the age of 57, she died 9pm on a Sunday night, before Halloween..On the last second of her last breath, my whole family was there. I think it was a comfort of my mother to have the whole family with her before she felt, she was ready. Ready to let go and feel no more pain. My mother has sacrificed so much for my family, I am more than grateful. Just recently I had a dream of her, it felt so real. She was wearing white and looked youthful. She was standing and had no oxygen, mobile and standing. I remember feeling her skin, hugging her so tight, crying and saying "Oh my God mom, I can feel you!" She kisses me and replies, "Of course you can". I then wake up to a brush of a hand wiping my face..I knew then and there, that was her. She came to my dreams to reassure me that I can still feel her and touch her..
In my dreams, I wait to see her.
I love you always and forever mom..