My beloved Soul Mate Ruth Angela
Ruth and me in 2010
I lost my true soul mate on 3rd May, 2012. Ruth Angela had been my whole world since we first met in 1964. I was her first boyfriend and she was my first girlfriend. She was 17 and still at school; I was 19. We were immediately attracted to each other and our love grew and grew. We married in 1967 and have two wonderful sons and two magic grandchildren. We never had an argument and Ruth was never miserable or angry, never upset, never complained and was forever happy. All this in the face of increasing disability over recent years. She bore her illness with quite extraordinary bravery. She was remarkably positive and optimistic and always said “I drew the short straw. It’s just a glitch; we’ll work round it”, and “Don’t spoil today by worrying about tomorrow”. Ruth was the most remarkable person I have ever met and I am immemsely proud to have had her as my soul mate for 48 years and my beloved wife for nearly 45 years. I am also totally distraught and in pieces without her as we did everything together. I have received many messages since Ruth died telling me that we had a unique relationship which most people could only dream about. We knew we had a very special marriage and we treasured it.
About 6 years ago Ruth was diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease, later changed to Multiple System Atrophy, which is much worse although we did not know that at the time. She continued to fight her problems and remained very mobile until last December when a simple fall indoors led to emergency brain surgery and pneumonia. She pulled through and in mid-February she came home. We were overjoyed at being properly together again even though I had spent 10-12 hours with her every day whilst she was in hospital. Ruth made good progress at home and we were getting back to doing things we had done before the accident. Her mobillity got better each day and she was climbing the stairs and taking short walks in the park and had resumed her various handicraft interests of patchwork and quilting. On her first day back at her patchwork group the ladies cheered her; they loved her so much.
On 2nd May Ruth felt unwell and we went to our doctor. He diagnosed a minor urinary infection and prescribed antibiotics. On 3rd May Ruth collapsed as she got out of bed in the morning and despite all efforts by me and the ambulance crew she never regained consciousness and died later in hospital. Her cause of death was given as Sepsis from a urinary infection, which was like a sledgehammer blow to me. I had never heard of Sepsis but Ruth had suffered urinary infections which had always cleared with antibiotics.
I am broken to pieces as I cared for Ruth throughout our life together, especially so as her mobility became impaired and even more so since she came out of hospital. How someone can pull through two critical illnesses in the space of 10 days and then die so quickly from a UTI which had no real symptoms is something I cannot comprehend. As I was her carer I am convinced that I must have missed something.
We were everything to each other and we had a very deep mental and physical relationship. We went everywhere and did everything together. We had few friends as we were more contented to be alone with each other and we shared our hobbies and interests. Ruth was a patchworker and our house is full of the most exquisite examples of her amazing talent. Before every project she would consult me on her choice of colours, patterns, etc. Our favourite piece of music was Twelfth of Never, which I played at Ruth’s funeral. I only have to think of it to cry because it meant a great deal to us.
We were not married just for life; we were married for Eternity – just the two of us together for ever. Some years ago NASA sent a spacecraft (New Horizons) to Pluto. Before it was launched one could submit names to be etched on to a special CD to be carried on the craft. Ruth’s and my names are on that disk along with those of our immediate family. After Ruth died I wrote to NASA and asked how long that spacecraft would be going for once it left Pluto. NASA wrote back with a very sympathetic message and said: “We’re building something that will not only outlast the pyramids, but outlast the mountain ranges of the Earth.” Quite simply, once it leaves our Solar System it will continue for millions of years… That’s a very long time for Ruth and me to be together.
I am told that time heals but now, 12 weeks after Ruth died, I feel worse every day and I do not know how I will manage for the rest of my life without her. The pain is unbearable and I visit Ruth’s grave several times each day as that is the only way I can get comfort.
My only consolation is that Ruth died quickly and will not have to suffer the dreadful progress of MSA, which could leave her with terrible problems and totally disabled in hospital. She died in our bedroom with me and neither of us could have asked for more.
God Bless you my Ruth Angela. Thank you for all those truly wonderful years together as my true Soul Mate and my devoted wife. You led me calmly and quietly through life. I loved you with all my heart and soul and I know you loved me as much too. You were the bright light in my life for 48 years and a true Angel on Earth. I miss you terribly and I love you more every day.. XX