My Beloved Stubby

by Ross Stannard
(Yakima, WA, USA)

Soaking up the sun

Soaking up the sun

Soaking up the sun

"My Beloved One in a Million Cat" was the best tribute that I have come across searching the internet, since I lost my 14.5 year old Stubby on Dec. 16, 2012.

Stubby was my one in a million cat. She had tortise colored fur and was part Manx. At the time that I picked her out as a kitten, I had overlooked her for a more striking looking tabby male with a long tail. My fiance at the time focused on Stubby, and it did not take long to convince me that they could keep each other company while I was at work.

My male tabby, that I named Tiger, did not work out for us as down the road when we were looking to have our first baby. We had to give him up, as we could not trust how he would be with our baby. As my wife puts it, this was the time that Stubby blossomed into her very sweet and loving self. Stubby's kiss to me was to rub her cheek when I would put my nose close to her head. As she rubbed my nose, her purr would amplify.

After moving to our new home, we found that we needed to make a place in our garage for Stubby to reduce her cat dander in the house because of my son's allergy. This seemed to be a good solution, and the best part was when I brought her into the house after my son had been put to bed, she became my lap kitty. I have never known such pleasure as my purring Stubby sleeping on my lap.

My mom passed away in Oct. 2011. Without a question, it was my biggest personal loss that I have ever experienced. My Stubby comforted me each and every night after that, and I definitely knew that my bond with her was irreplaceable. I did have thoughts about how hard it would be to one day having to let Stubby go.

To my extreme sorrow, that day came much sooner than I was hoping for. My wife was heading out to the store, and backed over Stubby when leaving the garage. She came and got me, and I just wailed when I saw my beloved Stubby laying on her side.

My heart aches every day thinking of her, and my mind remembers all the love and comfort that we reciprocated.

I know that I am in the middle of all stages of grieving. The only one that I believe I am through is denial. I would still like to know why or what happened this particular day, but then that really doesn't get me my Stubby back.

Lastly I would like to say how thankful I am to have had her in my life for 14.5 years. As hard as it was and is to let her go, her unconditional love is one of my greatest treasures.

I say a prayer for her every night, and although I hope that it will be many years before I join her, I do look forward to one day reuniting with her.

Comments for My Beloved Stubby

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Jan 23, 2013
Response to Diane
by: Ross

I am very sorry for your recent loss of Chrissy, and I very much appreciate your condolences.

With the passing of each week, I do feel the grief lessening. Last week, or even the week before, I journaled how under normal circumstances (with Stubby safely at home) I would be doing and feeling very well. It is a happy time in my life with my young children. All enjoyment has been on hold going through this grief.

I have stopped crying every day, but my sadness is still very close to the surface. At work, I was looking at my new favorite picture of Stubby and I could have easily cried.

Last night, my wife gave me a condolence card, and wrote of the void that Stubby has left in our home. I did cry after reading that.

It is a new normal, and feels emptier and lonelier

I have scoured the Internet in my downtime, reading others' stories of loss, I suppose just trying to relate and get through this. I've found writing/journaling is a helpful outlet--not that it lessons any grief. I don't believe there is any magic for that.

I really appreciate your taking the time to reach out. Definitely helps to hear and feel others going through the exact same experience.

Please do not blame yourself for the tragedy that you have suffered, it certainly was not your fault. I have questioned, and have thought what if I had made different choices on that day, but it does not change anything. We have to let go.

I also have read rainbow bridge over and over, and I am still praying to see my precious baby there! Tonight I will include you and Chrissy in my prayers as well.

Thank you for your kind words.

Jan 23, 2013
Your Precious Stubby
by: Diane

I can't comfort you in your agony, there is no comfort right now. Please know that time is supposed to bring us help. I lost my beloved Chrissy on Dec. 8th. I walked across the street to get the mail, seeing her up on the front porch. One car was coming, so I waited, and saw my beautiful girl hit. She was 10 years old and my little girl. I will never stop blaming myself, I still cry almost every day. It is a LITTLE better.Somehow we go on. I just pray we will both meet our babies at the Rainbow Bridge! Please accept my condolences.

Jan 15, 2013
My Beloved Stubby
by: Ross

Doreen, I appreciate your comments and also am deeply sorry for your losses as well.

Before my mom passed away, I'm not sure that I had felt this heartache or broken heart--certainly not to this severity. Stubby was a huge coping mechanism, and I poured so much of my love into her. She had nothing but unconditional love to give back. She was so precious to me.

I believe the grief is lessening to a degree, but my Stubby still occupies my thoughts so much these days.

I've gone through most of my photos, and feel comfort to have found some that I had not seen in quite a long while. I'm so thankful to have the photos, but they may also help my denial at this point.

Anyway, I do appreciate your kind words of encouragement.

Jan 13, 2013
My Beloved Stubby
by: Doreen U.K.

Ross I am sorry for your loss of your beloved Stubby. I can understand how Stubby comforted you when you lost your mother.
My husband died 8 months ago of cancer and I had my cockatiel birds for comfort. But due to the dust the birds give off I developed Asthma and had to give the birds away to a rescue mission. The birds were happy in an outdoor/indoor aviary. But how I miss my little darlings. I also lost 3 birds out of 11 when they flew out of the cage. This broke my heart. WE also lost 2 birds which died. This was a very painful moment. My heart broke. I have over 50 birds that visit me every day for breakfast in my garden so I do feel happy having them visit and feed. I hope that you will feel some measure of comfort in the days ahead and that you will be able to move forward from this intense grief.

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