My Best Friend Annie

by Brenda
(United States)

Annie and I became friends 16 years ago. It wasn't long and we were sisters, family. I loved her kids, she loved mine. We were as thick as thieves. Birthdays for us were very special, they were like Christmas. We passed a card back and forth from year to year. One year I lost it and one year she lost it.
Never in a million years did I think she would get sick and leave us, we were supposed to grow old together, but that didn't happen. She was diagnosed with kidney cancer in May 2008. When she called to tell me, I tried so hard not to cry and not to let her hear me cry. Guess what, I lost it! Frankie, her husband, wanted her to do everything possible to beat it. She promised that she would. So for the next 17 months he stayed by her side, her family, and my family were also there.

I would take her to radiation, we would go to lunch afterwards just like we did when we went to yard sales or shopping for flowers. My daughter had gotten married and Annie was so sick she couldn't make it. I took the laptop and showed them to her. She loved it. She loved it even more when we found out my daugther was going to have a baby and she was a girl. You see I was there when Annie's grandbabies were born. She had all boys! She said it's about time we get a girl, can I be your grandbaby's Nana too??? Well hell yes you can, I said, remember we share.

My daughter came to us and announced that she was naming her baby girl Raylee Annette.Raylee for her and her husband (their middle names) and Annette for Annie. Annie had made such an impact on my children, my daughter just had to make a namesake. Annie was thrilled, she told everybody she could find.

Then she started slowly slipping away, I couldn't wait for the baby to get here. Annie said that baby won't let me die, she'll get here. And Raylee Annette made her grand entrance on June 21, 2009 (Fathers Day) by this time Annie was in a hospital bed in her living room, we took the baby out on Friday, Annie was back in the hospital the next day to never return home. She left us on July 25, 2009. Just a few short weeks later. Annie only got to hold her a few times before her strength had left her.

Annie was not a flashy person, she loved her flowers though and I have what seems like a ton of them growing out here. She was a hummingbird fanatic, so when I get lucky enough to see one I have to smile, but then I also start to cry. Her husband told me on my birthday (April, 2010) that he was seeing someone on the internet and she was orignally from here, and that she was coming back and they were getting married in the fall on Sept 25. I put on a good front, but when he left I lost it again like I did when Annie died. How is it that he can move on and I can't?????? Annie was my everything.

Annie told him to not stay alone, to find someone, but that someone had to be as good as she was. I want for him to be happy and not lonely but I think he is moving way too fast. This is not typical behavior for this man. To top it off, he hasn't been around much. Won't return calls or invites to do things. My husband and I are wondering how you can be that close to someone for that many years and just dump them by the wayside like that.

We are trying to be understanding of his situation and wish him well. But we miss him, and it's beginning to feel like he has died too. So I'm wondering what to do. He started this with this woman in Feb 2010 Annie hasn't been in the ground a year yet. Dating I can see. Moving in together, I don't know. Getting married, definitely NOT!!!!! Not yet. Annie would not approve.

Comments for My Best Friend Annie

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May 07, 2010
Grasping for truths
by: Zoe

I understand how you feel
My beloved died in March, I cannot move, but I have people now saying you will find someone new, you will be happy, you will love again.

My answer is simple, no I will not. My heart is with him.. always

But your friend's husband is doing what he was told, maybe what he is being encouraged to do. Please do not judge someone in the depths of grief, some like me, are swallowed by it, some can get out of it, and there are some, who run from it. I cannot describe to you the pain of loosing your soulmate, he may be trying to survive the only way he knows how.

And you do not know what they said together, in those moments when honesty is what you have, even if you don't want it. They may have made peace, he may have said goodbye.

I honestly don't know, what I do know is that no matter what you know, or what you think you know, the carefully placed covers we who grieve the loss of our love place, hides many things.

It sounds like you loved your friend very much. If he does not move in a way that you think she would like, it does not mean he disrespects her, you honor her, you hold her. What he does is his alone to deal with.

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