My Best Friend.... Gone. Why?
My Mother and I at her Wedding
It’s been over a month since you’ve left me and I feel so alone. Most days I can smile and get through it, even tell my fondest memories of you. But every once in awhile I feel as if my whole world has come crashing down on me because you aren’t here to help me through any of this pain. I get so frustrated at everyone else in my family because they don’t understand how much you meant to me on an everyday basis. I know you fed me, clothed me, and made sure I did well in school. But outside of all that, you were my best friend. We laughed together at stupid jokes that no one else understood, we sang songs together that we knew brought us closer, and we knew just what to say to each other when the other was feeling sad or upset. Now, I’m sad and upset and no one here will understand, Mom. I’m only 19, I can’t be a replacement mom for Lillie and I know your husband is not up to the job’s standards. Mom, I’ve never needed your help in anything more in my life. Now that you’re gone, I don’t know what to do with my emotions. I’m trying to move on and start a new life with my boyfriend, we got an apartment together and I’ve been working my ass off to make it feel like a home, just like you did. I’m not angry with you, I will never be. I’m just so heartbroken that you’re gone and I don’t understand why you are gone in the first place. We were so close in age and spirit, we were more like sisters than a mother and a daughter. I can’t stand the idea of not being able to pick up my phone and call you. I can’t imagine someday walking down the isle without you there smiling back at me. And my kids one day going to Grandma’s house to play and get spoiled? Never going to happen, Mom. Why is it this way? Why did God want you to leave me so soon? I want you back, I need you back. You weren’t even sick, you just went to bed one night and didn’t wake up. I miss you. I miss the way you smelled. I missed the way you’d tell me that you’d never fight my battles but you’d always be in my corner. Now that corner is empty, collecting dust and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. People always ask me if I need anything, to just let them know.... I need you back and I know no one can do anything about that, Mom.