My Best Friend.... Gone. Why?

by Alecia

My Mother and I at her Wedding

My Mother and I at her Wedding

It’s been over a month since you’ve left me and I feel so alone. Most days I can smile and get through it, even tell my fondest memories of you. But every once in awhile I feel as if my whole world has come crashing down on me because you aren’t here to help me through any of this pain. I get so frustrated at everyone else in my family because they don’t understand how much you meant to me on an everyday basis. I know you fed me, clothed me, and made sure I did well in school. But outside of all that, you were my best friend. We laughed together at stupid jokes that no one else understood, we sang songs together that we knew brought us closer, and we knew just what to say to each other when the other was feeling sad or upset. Now, I’m sad and upset and no one here will understand, Mom. I’m only 19, I can’t be a replacement mom for Lillie and I know your husband is not up to the job’s standards. Mom, I’ve never needed your help in anything more in my life. Now that you’re gone, I don’t know what to do with my emotions. I’m trying to move on and start a new life with my boyfriend, we got an apartment together and I’ve been working my ass off to make it feel like a home, just like you did. I’m not angry with you, I will never be. I’m just so heartbroken that you’re gone and I don’t understand why you are gone in the first place. We were so close in age and spirit, we were more like sisters than a mother and a daughter. I can’t stand the idea of not being able to pick up my phone and call you. I can’t imagine someday walking down the isle without you there smiling back at me. And my kids one day going to Grandma’s house to play and get spoiled? Never going to happen, Mom. Why is it this way? Why did God want you to leave me so soon? I want you back, I need you back. You weren’t even sick, you just went to bed one night and didn’t wake up. I miss you. I miss the way you smelled. I missed the way you’d tell me that you’d never fight my battles but you’d always be in my corner. Now that corner is empty, collecting dust and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. People always ask me if I need anything, to just let them know.... I need you back and I know no one can do anything about that, Mom.

Comments for My Best Friend.... Gone. Why?

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Mar 09, 2013
Back Story
by: Alecia

My boyfriend and I had already gotten a place together, our move in day was sadly after my mother had passed. I have never been more blessed to have such a loving man in my life to be my rock through this. He has made every step of the way just that much easier. He understood the relationship I had with my mother and I am very much thankful. I am not angry at your response, I only want to live my life with her spirit alongside me :)

Mar 09, 2013
Your mom
by: Kate

Your beautiful mom and your beautiful love for her is a forever memory no one can take away. Every memory of your mother,thoughts of her that mean so much thers are things you'll always treasure,things that time can never touch. So just remember her wonderful ways to help you through the hardest days,how kind she was,how gracious,true,how very much she cared for you! I lost my mom at 23 . I feel your pain. Take one day at a time. All your moms great qualities will be in you. So sorry for your loss.

Mar 09, 2013
Dear Alecia,
by: Pat in Missouri

My dear child, I feel your pain coming right through my computer. The picture really shows how close you and your mother were. Was cause of death ever determined? You mentioned that she was not sick. How awful for you, especially at your tender age.

I hate to give you advice. I am much older than you. You must know, however, that there is wisdom with age. I am 64 and I lost my mother when she was 89. It was no easier for me just because I had her for so many years. When you lose a mother, I think you lose a piece of yourself. Afterall, she gave you life. I disagree with your "trying to move on" and moving in with your boyfriend. You are in a period of deep grief. Trying to move on and making big changes in your life, at this point, is not a good idea. Grief is a process that requires spending some time with it and working through it. If you try to escape it by making major changes in your life, it will get buried and come out to "bite you" later. I think you should rethink your plan to move in with your boyfriend. That sounds like an effort to fill the void left by your mother's passing. It will not work. You need to talk out your pain with people in a grief support group or counselor of some kind. I know you miss your mother terribly. It has only been a month. Getting through a the difficult feelings of loss can take years. My own mother passed in 2009 and I still miss her and always will, but have come to a point of acceptance and finding joy in my memories of her. I made a scrapbook of pictures and mementos that remind me of her. That might help you too. It's a book of motherly treasures that can be saved for years.

I hope you read all of my posting and listen. I have complete compassion for you and what you are going through, but I think you need to choose a different direction. Please seek help and let me know how it goes. Pat

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