My best friend gone

by Hunter

My story starts four years ago when I met the most amazing women I have ever met. We started dating on January 18, 2010. I met her in my freshmen college math class that September in my freshmen year. She was the kindest and most caring person I have ever met. We both knew that we were meant to be with each other and we literally spent everyday with each other. She would do anything for me and cared about me and loved me more than I ever deserved. We got engaged about a year ago. We were planning on getting married this coming summer after graduation. But this past June while visiting her family in Texas she was killed by a drunk driver while she was helping a stranded motorist outside of her home. Her mom and two others were also killed in the accident. I am just looking for some help because it seems like everyone thinks you get over a death in a short time. I really don't know what to do because we had planned so much together and now everything is gone. I am very depressed and don't see any happiness anymore. One day I have the person I want to marry then the next everything is gone. She was my best friend and I shared everything with her. And now there is nobody to talk to or help me. It seems like I am alone.

Comments for My best friend gone

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Oct 23, 2013
your sadness
by: Lawrence

Yours is a particularly sad story, you never even spent time as a married man and yet your grief is the same as all of us on this web site, overwhelming and devastating, you lost the person you loved more than life itself; nothing prepares you for that.
To be killed by a drunken driver must shatter your faith no matter what it is, but unfortunately we are all victims of fate and nobody knows when or where that finger will point.
I know the agony you are feeling because I lost my beloved cherished wife after a lifetime together, just ten months ago and I am still crippled with sadness and heartache, I feel half a person, the other half lies in a desolate graveyard.
I can give you no words of comfort except to try and keep yourself busy, don’t stay in your house, the only consolation is that there is a natural limit to grief and although you won’t believe me it does ease as the months go by.
I am in the evening of my life but you are at the beginning so do what your fiancée would have wanted, overcome this terrible depression and hopelessness and start living again.
You are in all our prayers.
Look after yourself.

Oct 23, 2013
My best friend gone
by: Doreen UK

Hunter I am so sorry for your loss of the girl you were engaged to marry. You will struggle with this type of grief for weeks into months but if you have good supportive family and friends it helps a lot. You could also see a grief counsellor who will also help support you through the pain so it is more bearable. Which ever way one tries to move forward you also move backwards and it feels as you won't recover. The best way forward is ONE DAY AT A TIME. It is often very hard to accept what has happened. I never thought I would ever lose my husband. When he died of cancer 17 months ago I felt as if my world had ended and I like many people did not want to go on living. This is the nature of grief. Everything one lived and planned for now gone forever. Give yourself time each day for yourself to nurture yourself from this sorrow. I took six months to sit on the couch and just watch TV. I couldn't do anything. Taking one day at a time was the best way forward. I started to take one job a day and this helped. I did whatever I need to do and left the rest and healed better. You are Young and have your whole life ahead of you. Do what you have to do to help yourself and in time you will move beyond your grief. You will get your life back and be able to live again after grief. I know it is not what you wanted. I want my husband back but I know this won't happen. Life can be so very cruel. I hope life does get better for you in time and you have a good future despite your loss.
Don't ever give up! Soldier on and make something good out of your life. Life isn't fair.

Oct 23, 2013
You Don't Just Get Over It
by: Anonymous


It has been awhile since I have posted on this website. I lost the love of my life last year in a sudden, tragic accident. I so much wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He "got me" and I "got him." Initially, when you hear the news, you are just so shocked. It seems surreal. You were just talking or exchanging text messages, and then, poof, they disappear. There is no closure. There is no goodbye. Even though you know they're gone, secretly, deep down, you think, maybe they'll call. It makes no sense. Then desperation sets in. Overwhelming grief. Your heart physically hurts. It's almost as if your soul is trying to separate from the flesh so it can go be with your loved one where it feels it belongs. The first four months, I could barely function. I didn't even have the will to do the most basic things like washing my hair. I couldn't think beyond what I was going to do in the next few seconds. Thinking any further ahead was too much to bear. Eventually, I could think past a few seconds to the next hour then the next day then the next week. The pain NEVER goes away but, at least, you learn to function again. I am very guarded about who I discuss the death with because as you know, unless someone else has gone through it (and, I mean, losing their partner), THEY DON'T GET IT!! They make the most stupid, hurtful comments. As if, you should just diregard that you ever had a relationship with that person and find someone else. STUPID. DUMB ADVICE. Ignore those people and simply take whatever baby steps you can to get by for now. There is no set timeline for this horrible "process." It is what it is. God will help heal you in His time. And, by that, I don't mean He will help you forget the person and move on to someone else. (Horrible thought.) No, He will help you to at least learn how to live again. To find joy in small things. You will have gained a whole new perspective on life from this experience. Not one you asked for, but one that will leave you feeling, "I get it now." I'm sorry you are going through this.

Oct 22, 2013
my best friend gone
by: silver-north alabama

Dear Hunter,you are not alone.There are a lot of us here on this site that have sent on our loved ones.It is sad that you didn't get to spend your life with her but be thankful that you knew that most beautiful kind of love.My best friend,my husband left me in May,2011.I was blessed with 33 yrs with him and I can't imagine a life without him.We were friends for over a yr when I had to move from Colo to here to escape my ex and his family.I cried when I left because I didn't think I would ever see him again.Luckily he followed me and 3 yrs later we married.I learned the hard way to fill every moment you can with love.You are young and GOD willing will find love again.That doesn't mean you won't ever forget this love.Luckily,our hearts are made for loving people and the more people we love the more room there is to love more.DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU IT'S TIME TO GET OVER IT AND GO ON.We each grieve in our own way and in our own time.The stronger the love,the harder it is to go on.I have a great faith in GOD.That has helped me more than anything.This site has a lot of good people on it that know how we feel.It helps to write your feelings down and you have made a start.Pick something you can do to help you.Some people write a journal.I write poetry.It's hard but you need to get out at least once a week to a movie,the library,or whatever.If you can do so,go to counseling for a little while.It's SO NORMAL to cry,be angry at the loss,get depressed and other things.Shock comes first.You just can't wrap your mind around the fact that they are gone.You need to read some of the notes in the lost spouse section,read some of the poems here,look at the grief stages and coping strategies and you will see you are not alone or crazy.One lady wrote a poem that's called THREE STEPS FORWARD.She says she feels it's 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.I send you prayers and ask GOD to send you strength and peace.

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