My best friend is gone forever and there is nothing i can do to bring her back
On Monday morning on March 30, 2009, I decided not to go to school that day because I had a feeling it was going to be a miserable day. I went back to sleep after everyone went to school. I woke up to have 15 missed phone calls and at least 20 text messages from my friends. I had no idea what was going on, so i tried calling them back but nobody picked up. Finally I got a text message from one of my friends and she told me she was so sorry , i had no idea what in the world she was talking about. Finally one of my good friends texted me and asked if i was home alone and i said yeah and she never responded.
All of a sudden my mom comes home from work, i knew something was going on, she called me down and told me my best friend was in a car accident, and that she had died. When she told me this i couldn't believe her...she was only 14, she couldn't have died she was too young. I had just talked to her 2 days before it happened and now she's gone. I ran upstairs to my room and texted everyone i knew asking if it was true. They all texted back yes, I even typed in her name on google and it was already in the newspaper. I had my mom drive me to school so i could be with my friends. After school my friends sister drove me to the mall to get something to wear for her funeral. Who would have thought that at 14 I would have to go to my best friends funeral. After everyone had found out about what happened, everyone started texting me and calling me asking me if I was ok. The funeral was so hard for me, it was an open casket and she looked so different but still beautiful. I couldn't cry, I didn't want to cry.
When i came home i couldnt talk to anyone, i just stayed in my room. When everyone in my family was asleep that's when i started crying, i cry almost every night now. My family, I thought would try to make my life easier, but they decided to do everything in their power to make my life more miserable than it already was. I hated them for saying they know what i'm going through because they don't probably never will. They never lost their best friends at only 14, they don't know how i feel or anything. I ask myself this everyday, why did she have to die? She was one of the most sweetest kindest funniest person i have ever met. For almost a month i thought that this was just a horrible dream i was having and that any minute now i would wake up and everything would be over. Everyday i went to school and saw her empty chair, i always thought that she's just on vacation and will be back any day now....but then i realized she was never coming back and that day i realized that everything changed...
I have learned important stuff from my best friend dying. I learned who my real friends are, who stuck by me when i needed them, who listened when I needed someone to talk to, who never pressured me to talk about her and didn't mention her to me unless i started talking about her.... After she died i realized people who i thought were my best friends weren't, and that i had to let them go as my friends.
I think about her almost everyday and all the regrets i have, i feel like i should have done more. I always question whether me and her were really best friends, i wish that it wasn't her and that she was still with me, but theres nothing i can do. I don't think i will ever be able to move on and forget about what happened to me, and i will always remember her and all the memories we had together. It makes me sad to know that we won't be able to share any more memories together, we will never get to graduate together , she will never get married and have kids.. and i can't help but wonder if she was still alive if we would be friends after highschool.
Even though i miss her a lot and wish she was here with me i know that she is in a better place and that one day i'll see her again. I am always thinking of her, the little things she used to do and say. Whenever I see something or hear something that reminds me of her my heart drops a little....the day my best friend died was the worst day of my life, there is nothing in the world that could make me feel the way i did when i found out. I don't know how long it will take me to get over what happened, right now i'm depressed and just want to be left alone and be secluded from everyone else.