My best friend is gone forever and there is nothing i can do to bring her back

On Monday morning on March 30, 2009, I decided not to go to school that day because I had a feeling it was going to be a miserable day. I went back to sleep after everyone went to school. I woke up to have 15 missed phone calls and at least 20 text messages from my friends. I had no idea what was going on, so i tried calling them back but nobody picked up. Finally I got a text message from one of my friends and she told me she was so sorry , i had no idea what in the world she was talking about. Finally one of my good friends texted me and asked if i was home alone and i said yeah and she never responded.

All of a sudden my mom comes home from work, i knew something was going on, she called me down and told me my best friend was in a car accident, and that she had died. When she told me this i couldn't believe her...she was only 14, she couldn't have died she was too young. I had just talked to her 2 days before it happened and now she's gone. I ran upstairs to my room and texted everyone i knew asking if it was true. They all texted back yes, I even typed in her name on google and it was already in the newspaper. I had my mom drive me to school so i could be with my friends. After school my friends sister drove me to the mall to get something to wear for her funeral. Who would have thought that at 14 I would have to go to my best friends funeral. After everyone had found out about what happened, everyone started texting me and calling me asking me if I was ok. The funeral was so hard for me, it was an open casket and she looked so different but still beautiful. I couldn't cry, I didn't want to cry.

When i came home i couldnt talk to anyone, i just stayed in my room. When everyone in my family was asleep that's when i started crying, i cry almost every night now. My family, I thought would try to make my life easier, but they decided to do everything in their power to make my life more miserable than it already was. I hated them for saying they know what i'm going through because they don't probably never will. They never lost their best friends at only 14, they don't know how i feel or anything. I ask myself this everyday, why did she have to die? She was one of the most sweetest kindest funniest person i have ever met. For almost a month i thought that this was just a horrible dream i was having and that any minute now i would wake up and everything would be over. Everyday i went to school and saw her empty chair, i always thought that she's just on vacation and will be back any day now....but then i realized she was never coming back and that day i realized that everything changed...

I have learned important stuff from my best friend dying. I learned who my real friends are, who stuck by me when i needed them, who listened when I needed someone to talk to, who never pressured me to talk about her and didn't mention her to me unless i started talking about her.... After she died i realized people who i thought were my best friends weren't, and that i had to let them go as my friends.

I think about her almost everyday and all the regrets i have, i feel like i should have done more. I always question whether me and her were really best friends, i wish that it wasn't her and that she was still with me, but theres nothing i can do. I don't think i will ever be able to move on and forget about what happened to me, and i will always remember her and all the memories we had together. It makes me sad to know that we won't be able to share any more memories together, we will never get to graduate together , she will never get married and have kids.. and i can't help but wonder if she was still alive if we would be friends after highschool.

Even though i miss her a lot and wish she was here with me i know that she is in a better place and that one day i'll see her again. I am always thinking of her, the little things she used to do and say. Whenever I see something or hear something that reminds me of her my heart drops a little....the day my best friend died was the worst day of my life, there is nothing in the world that could make me feel the way i did when i found out. I don't know how long it will take me to get over what happened, right now i'm depressed and just want to be left alone and be secluded from everyone else.

Comments for My best friend is gone forever and there is nothing i can do to bring her back

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Oct 29, 2013
Cole M. Sons
by: Anthony

One of my best friends died in a car accident at 6:30 am he died because he was not wearing a seatbelt....he was going 80 mph and feel asleep then ran across the road and hit a culvert head on ejecting him from his truck....he was on his way to church....many ask why he is gone and the answer is purely because god wanted him to come home.....we all have a purpose no matter how big and when our purpose is done we are called home ( heaven) this is how I strongly believe...this makes it no easier that he isn't here but it does help to know I will see him again some day RIP Cole M.Sons.

.miss ya budd

Apr 19, 2013
I sorta know what your going through

I hope you are okay I have a friend and she left we have been friends for a long time I cry almost everyday I miss her so much because also she moved states and I miss she would call me

Apr 13, 2013
Car accident
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for you loss, my best friend passed away exactly 1year ago today and since that day I've became a total different person, I miss her so much and for a long time I was thinking same as you that it's a bad dream or that she is in vacation and that she will come back to me... But no unfortunately she will never come back :( and since it happens I really love to be alone, I don't want to go out anymore, I almost want to do nothing and see no one. I know she would want me to go out and enjoy my life but I don't know why I don't want to, anytime a guy is interested in me I will never let him in in my life and same for my girlfriends... I really want to be alone,It's really hard and I feel like maybe something is wrong with me...
She was 20years old and I always try to remind me that having the chance to knowing her was the best thing that happened to me... good luck and all the best to you and to everyone in this situation,

Jan 08, 2011
Very well said
by: Amanda

I just want to say thank you for posting this story. When I was in high school, I had a friend named Brittany and we did everything together when we were in Psychology class. I found out junior year that she'd had a brain tumor when she was little. It came back the summer before senior year and she missed the whole year of school. Luckily, she did graduate with us. But that was the last time I saw her. She passed away September 18, 2005.

I think about her every day and have just recently been able to move on and build close friendships with people again. Now, any time someone suffers a loss, I think back to that day when I found out Brittany died. But while most people celebrate the day they graduated and the anniversary of that day, all I can think about is that marks another year since I saw Brittany. I don't know if the feeling ever goes away, but I think it does get easier.

Aug 09, 2010
I just lost my best friend on saturday
by: serk

I read you story am really sorry you lost.
Am sorry i should read this long time ago. I was driving to work and my sister was calling me many times i didn't answer. Again she called me and i was about to park she asked me where i am and i told her on my way to work and she said park your car now. i said OK and she told me Aster passed away, i was like what is kind off a joke is it April the fool huh????????? the answer was no this is true i couldn't believe my self i was screaming so loud on the street when my sister told me my friend passed away.

Aug 12, 2009
I know!!
by: Brittney

I am so sorry!! I lost a friend of mine to suicide in 2004. I know exactly what you mean when you say you relive that day over and over again. I still relive the days when I have lost my close friends and family. It does take A LOT of time to get over the death of someone. I still can?t say that I am fully over the death of my best friend and it will be 5 years this September. You are right. The world does go on, it doesn?t stop for anyone or anything. You can?t live tomorrow, today. You just have to live day by day. I know it?s hard but you can?t dwell on the what-if?s. Yeah?.a lot of people don?t understand how hard it is when you lose someone close to you. It?s hard to get on with life the way you used to before the loss. Email me sometime or add me on face book. My email is and my full name is Brittney Gilsdorf. I hope we can keep in touch. I hope that you are doing okay and I hope to hear from you soon!! Thinking about you, <3 Brittney

Aug 12, 2009
I guess theres someone out there like me.
by: Olivia

My best friend died Feb 16 2009 to suicide. She was 14, i was 14..and it's nearly 6 months later now and i still relive feb 16 2009 over and over again..i have no life because i keep forgetting that she really has gone, i never want to accept it..i turned 15 last week and i hated it, i didn't want to turn 15 without her, but what L've realized is that even though im stuck in my own little world that has been turned upside down..the world goes on and it sucks.

I can't bare to imagine tomorrow so i dont..i go day to day pointlessly because i'm so at loss..i hope that you are doing better then me and i think its really good that you've realized stuff from what's sorry for your sucks..big time...

Every day i think about what if? what if i only had said something? what if i had gone to see her? but i guess you have to just accept what has happened and get on with life..i hate it when people say it..but its so true..what would your friend want you to be doing right now? Dwelling on her death? Or celebrating the time you had together, whether it was one minute or a lifetime of memories..i hope you feel better :)

Jul 20, 2009
I know how you feel-Believe It or Not
by: Brittney

My best friend died when I was 14 also. She had a rare form of brain cancer. She has been gone almost 5 years now, and I still have days where I just sit and cry because she is not here. I am 19 now. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her.

I do know she is in a better place and she is no longer suffering. I hated to see her suffer the way she did.

Do not forget...If you ever need anything or need someone to talk to you can always get ahold of me (through this thread) (email deleted by ed). I truly understand how you feel. My best friend is no longer here. That is one of the most hardest things I have ever done- Going through the funeral of my best friend.

Rest In Peace- Allison Noel Lardin, My best friend!!

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