My best friend is gone

by Joss
(New Jersey)

After a long battle with colo-rectal cancer (over 10 years) my beloved husband was taken away from me; He loved life so much and fought real hard but in the end the cancer went to his stomach and he could no longer fight. He was my best friend and supported me in everything I did. We would have been married 40 years come July; we went through a lot together, when I battled my own cancer (went through it 5 times) my husband was at my side, when his time came we battled together, we made the most of each day. But nothing prepares you for the final moment, the pain that I feel is worse than anything that I have battled in my life; there are times when I feel like I am going insane and I wish I could bring him back but then reality sets in and the pain gets worse. I am glad I went back to work but the moment I head back home the pain starts again. I am thankful that I have two dogs and a cat waiting for me at home. I have started a scrap book about my husband and write a journal every day and it helps. Everyone has advice but they don't know as they have not lost a spouse and I am reaching a point that I don't listen. I am going to a grieving counselor and it helps some but the depression is hard to deal with at times, I don't want to take any anti-depression as it is not going to bring my husband back and I do not like to take pills. After reading the process of grieving I feel like what I am going through is normal. My cousin sent this website to me and I am so glad, I realize that it is really going to take time and it will be a rocky road and that I am not going insane,


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Apr 19, 2011
by: Joss

Dear Trish and Kathy, thank you so much for your comments. Trish I am also in South Jersey and I am glad that you have such found memories of all the fun things you did with your husband and children, these are good things to remember but I also know the same memories sometime can bring total meltdowns but hang on to them, from what I am told all of us hopefully will get to that point of being able to smile at those memories and pictures of our loved ones. I have a picture of my husband on the fridge and I kiss it every time I leave to go to work or when I come home; sometimes it brings comfort others I just go into a fit of crying.

Kathy, we were a very hard blow, first your mother next your husband, life is really not fair but we were never promised a rose garden on this planet and unfortunately there is so much suffering. I hope you have a good support group outside of the website, sometimes people have a way of disappearing into the woodwork after a while and just at a time when you need them. At least on this site we all know what we are going through and we understand. My prayers are with both of you and myself that we be given strength and courage to go through this roller coaster of grieving.

Apr 17, 2011
Jersey Boys
by: TrishJ

My husband Joe, who died on December 3, 2010, was from New Jersey. He lived just a little south of the Trenton area. I miss him so much. He lost his battle while waiting for a heart transplant. This grief thing takes a lot of work. I thank God I found this web site. It has literally saved my sanity. There are some really wonderful caring people here who know the feelings and frustration because they are going through the same. We're all in it together.
Right now I feel like I'm taking one step forward and two steps back. Some days are good and then today a simple little thing set me off.
I love Jersey. We always went to the shore when
we visited ~ Seaside Heights ~ then Atlantic City. He bought clams by the dozen and sat on the beach and ate them. My children and I will make a trip this summer to spread some of his ashes. He loved the ocean and was an avid boater.
We'll get through this. Come here to vent and get some much needed support. We're all on the same roller coaster ride. God's blessings to you.

Apr 17, 2011
My mom
by: Kathy

I am so sorry. I lost my mom two years ago today also due to colorectal cancer, after a 7 year battle. They had initially given her 2 years, she was the most amazing person I have ever known. Two months after her death, my husband was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma. He passed away on July 31, 2010, at the age of 46. You will be in my prayers.

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