My best friend Jake gone forever

by Jerry
(Ontario Canada)

On the evening of July 22nd I was sitting at home and received a text from a dear friend of mine in the Bahamas. It said to call regarding an urgent matter. I knew that it could only be bad news as my 25yr old son Jacob was vacationing on Long Island Bahamas. I called and she told me that my son was in an automobile accident and had died at the scene. I was totally devastated and hysterical. I cried, screamed for a period of time then in a zombie like state I started to make phone calls, first to his mother, then his older brother then others. As others have stated a huge part of me died with my son that night, the sun doesn't shine as bright, food is now just a necessity and longer a pleasure and I find myself staring into space and walking around in circles more often than not. Thanks to a wonderful supportive group of friends and co-workers I have begun to deal with the pain. Two of my co-workers lost a child in their 20's within the last twelve months and talking to them (someone that truly understands) has been very beneficial. I know that I will never totally recover from the loss of my son, my best friend, my Yahtzee playing partner but I also know that I must deal with his loss in order to continue. Jake's life was never easy but he succeeded and was at the best place from a personal stand point as well as in his family relationships that he had ever been. From an early age he was always very empathetic, compassionate and loving. I cry every day, I stare at his recent FB pictures and still can't believe that he is gone. Thinking of the future no longer holds promise but I hope and pray that someday it once again will. One small comfort is that I believe that this is how Jakes life was meant to unfold. Jake had accomplished everything that he was destined to accomplish and now it was time for him to move on. He taught all the people that he touched some kind of lesson and we are all better for knowing him. I will miss my son with all of my heart until the day that I die and will never stop thinking of him. I no longer fear dying as I know that my son will be there to help me crossover when my time comes...

Comments for My best friend Jake gone forever

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Jan 09, 2014
by: Seana

I feel just like you in so many ways...

Sep 04, 2013
best friend
by: Anonymous

I have to join everyone so far of echoing that the same sorrow that you have experienced I too have and am going through. My 16 year old son died suddenly and unexpectedly (2 year's now) so I fully understand how that feels, my Quinn went away to camp. It was for sport and fun and he just collapsed and died. I think it makes it so unreal when your child is so far away from you and they die (Quinn was my best friend and love of my life). I got that dreaded phone call that destroyed my life and everyday since then I am walking in a fog of dis-belief. I too am lucky to have good friends and people at work to support me, but I don't know anyone personally that has experienced this type of loss of your child and in my case my only child. You know there really is nothing else to say but we still have to keep talking and sharing and meeting people who are going through a similar loss I feel it's the only thing that has kept us alive although I think most of us would be ok with the alternative (I know I would). I wish you peace and comfort on this sad journey of the heart.

Aug 22, 2013
So Sorry:
by: Doreen U.K.

Deb I am so sorry for your loss 9.5 weeks of your brother to suicide.
I am glad you are seeing a grief counsellor as needed often by the type of death. just remember that when someone is in a terrible state of mind from what is going on in their world they don't have the time or the capacity mentally to process taking their own life. Most people who end their lives are in a sense ENDING THEIR MISERY and this is what they do. They cannot process how other's are going to feel if they die. So those who take their own lives are not Selfish people as often judged wrongly. Only God can judge the hearts and minds of those who end their lives.
My nephew was 30yrs. and through depression he threw himself in front of an express train 7 yrs. ago and this has torn our family apart. The grief from this type of death is devastating for everyone left behind. One has to feel the pain and do the crying before they can Heal. But the Healing is worth the pain. Because you can never go back to this pain again. You will have a new peace of mind and acceptance, and you will move on better with your life and be able to honour your brother in the way you need. 7 yrs. on we have recovered from the pain and grief, but our hearts will be sad forever for our loss. There will always be someone missing from our family circle. Death is a reality we all do not want to face but it causes us to make changes in our life in a more positive way to accommodate those left behind. Healing takes a lot of time. But with great patience and support you will find your way back into life.

Aug 21, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

So many of your words rang true for me. Losing a son is the most Devestating thing for a parent, I lost my oldest son 9 mo. Ago. I don't know how I have gone on,except the way you describe. Thinking of him everyday, knowing he touched everyone who knew him and that we are all better for having him with us on earth for the time we did. The hurt stays within ,we learn as time goes on to cry on the inside instead of all out all over the place when the first shock of death comes. I understand that loss and my heart goes out to you. Yes,no one gets it but those who have been through the tornado of death. It slings you around bashing you back and forth and wrecks everything and sets you down . It's horrible. My heartfelt love for your pain. We struggle through the days and somehow learn to keep going. They would want that for us.
Prayers and love.

Aug 21, 2013
My best friend Jake gone forever
by: Doreen U.K.

Jerry I am sorry for your loss of your son to a sudden death. A mother never stops worrying over her children from the cradle to the grave. They are still our babies. This is the worst experience a mother can go through and one she always dreads. Losing a Child/Adult Child. There are no rules in life to help us cope with this unbearable pain of grief. We could burst into tears just about anywhere. I did this when in the bus, in the bank, in the supermarket. Grief is not something one plans to work through. Our feelings can become numb. I was frozen with grief and when I thawed out I felt the full wrath of pain and sadness. I take one day at a time and I can cope most days. But days will come when something triggers off new sorrow and grief and it starts all over again.
I am so glad you have a supportive network of people to walk with you through your valley of grief and to hold you up. It does make a difference. 15 months later and I still feel as if I have been dropped off on to another planet and I don't know anyone. The atmosphere has changed. As you rightly say. Shopping for food now is just something one does, but the joy of cooking special meals has gone. I lose my motivation some days and so those days I do nothing. Grief for me still feels as if I have been beaten up and can't move as I am all bruised from grief. I feel vulnerable to death now and wonder who will leave my world next. Jerry you will get through this grief one day at a time. But your heart will be broken by your loss forever. You will just cope with the pain less over time. May God comfort you and give you Peace.

Aug 21, 2013
So sorry
by: Deb

I am so sorry for you loss. I can't imagine losing a child and best friend as you have:(. I can only offer my heartfelt sorrow for you and your family.

I too lost someone I loved dearly on Fathers day 9.5 weeks ago. My dear brother comitted suicide and the grief was just unbearable as well as anger towards the wife who seemed to trigger him going for that gun.

I found a grief counselor last week and have started meeting with him.

This will take time for all of us so they say and I hope you continue to reach out.

prayers to you

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