My Best Friend, My Mom

Six years ago I started taking care of my mom and dad. I lived across the street from them. I am married and at that time my daughter was 13. I also babysat for two children. First I started cooking and cleaning their house. It was hard so I hired sitters for them, they didn't like that. My father passed away and my brother had brain cancer. He passed away 2 years later. Before he passed he begged me to move into my mothers house. My mother didn't want to live at my house she wanted to stay at hers. So I did that for my mama and to give my brother some comfort before he died. My daughter resented me. My husband and I sleep in different beds for four years.

My mother was my my best friend she was the person that I told everything to. I never really had friends. Well, I thought I had friends until I started taking care of them. I lost my so called friends. When I was taking care of my mother it was very difficult. I never imaged life could be so bad. I could not go anywhere. If I did I had to rush home. I had to do everything for my mom because she was in a wheel chair. The only thing she could do is feed herself. I was soo stressed, exhausted mentality and physically. I would do it again for her. I love her so much. Sometimes I would get very mad at her. I told her a few things that wasn't nice, but I always apologized to her at night. We would talk until we fell asleep. I miss her very much. I cry all of the time. I can't sleep and I think about her every minute of the day. The last six months of her life she had cancer. All of my sisters,their family and kids, my mothers and fathers family was over here every day. One day my nephew came and left. My mother looked very puzzled I asked her what was wrong? She said nothing I asked her if she know why everyone was coming to visit her. I told her that she was very sick. She asked me if she was dying and I told her yes. Four days later she died. I blame myself for her dying. Because she started dying that minute. She told me she never felt closer to God than she did that minute. Every day I think that I should of had more patience. Missing my mom