My best friend taken too soon...

by Mariska
(South Africa)

My mom passed away on the 29th of May, after a week in ICU. Pulmonary Embolism. That's how the doctors explained it to me, as if I wanted to hear that. She was find, everything was fine. Then all of a sudden she stopped breathing and my whole world changed. Her heart stopped in the emergency room just as the paramedics pushed her in and they tried to revive her for almost an hour. Her heart started beating again and she was pushed into ICU where I spent a whole week with her. Mourning already as I knew my life would change forever. Mommy was my everything. My best friend. The one who always made me feel better. Some days I still can't understand why this had to happen to me now. I still have to get married. Our wedding was supposed to be in October, but I just can't do it. It won't be the same without her. But I have the most wonderful fiance any girl could ask for. He understands and tries everything in his power to make me feel better. I just wish she could come back to me for one day. I won't cry, I won't say anything. I will just ask her to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok. I miss her arms around me, I miss her laugh, I miss her voice... The good that came out of this awful situation, is that I haven't been this close to God in my whole life. I feel His comfort, even though it still is really difficult. I'm yearning for the day that I see her again xXx

Comments for My best friend taken too soon...

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Jun 19, 2012
My best friend taken too soon
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear Mariska
When we face grief through a loss it rocks our world and any unresolved problems which we don't tackle will surface and we then have sometimes a family war on our hands.
Whilst your Dad is not saved you are still entitled to feel hurt because you don't have the relationship with your Dad you wanted and now your mum has passed away you will naturally have a void where your Dad could have filled this. Validate how you feel this means you are true to yourself and allowed to feel sorrow over this. Because father's also have a responsibility to their children and this cannot be ignored. It is good to pray for your father but how you move forward to have a relationship with your father is what is difficult for you. People cannot ignore hurt. Often it has to be confronted and resolved. e.g. If you were talking to your Dad you could say. Dad this is how I feel? You weren't there for me?.
I need you! Communication has to take place but not before you deal with your anger which is part of the grief.
My husband worked all over the world as a carpenter and I had to bring 3 children up by myself and they are in their 30's and 40's. They are hurt that their Dad was not around. It took Steve's death to rock our world and there is great division now. When Steve was ill with cancer for 3 years the 2 eldest now married did not visit their Dad. He was taken for granted and he felt the pain of isolation and lonliness of not having his children there for him when he needed them. Steve started to feel the loss of his children and it hurt him. I felt his pain. Steve was angry a lot because of his cancer. His nature is gentle, caring, and loving. he became bitter. I told Steve not to beat himself up because he didn't have time to be a father. It was now that counted and he can try and be the best father he can be to his children now. But sadly Steve did not get the chance to be that father. He went to his grave and he took his hurts with him. I am left holding Steve's anger and I have expressed this. Healing can now take place for each of my children taking responsibility for themselves and behaviour and heal from this division. Until then I live apart from my son and daughter who abandoned me on the day of the funeral. I value honesty even if it hurts. Maturity plays its part also in being able to be honest and move forward from the unresolved grief.
My son will have to accept responsibility for the pain he caused his Dad before he died and took this hurt to the grave. Pain that shouldn't have involved him whilst he was suffering from cancer. Because I was both mother and father to our childen I have to try and resolve this as best as I can by saying to our son. DAD AND I FORGIVE YOU FOR EVERYTHING. He can now move forward with his life. But I will still live without a Son in my life. I have written this also as it may help someone else struggling with issues like this that cause a loss that affects your grief.

Jun 18, 2012
Thank you Doreen and Anonymous
by: Mariska

Dear Doreen, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It brings me peace that I can express how I feel. I know exactly what you mean. Some days I still get really angry and I can't (don't want to) understand why this had to happen to me. At one stage, I got so angry and I asked God why he didn't rather take my dad. We don't get along and after what I found out he put my mom through, the last bit of hope I had of ever having a relationship with him, died. I then spoke to a friend of mine who is absolutely living for God and she just held me and said "no my dear, you should never ask that. Your mom lived right and she gave her all to live a life of love, peace and the way God wanted her to live. Your father's soul is not saved...". That hit me smack in the face. I then realised that because my mom lived such a wonderful life, even though she was treated like crap, God came to "release" her because he knew she was suffering. Now, my dad is just a case of prayer. I pray for him every day even if it is eating me up alive. I blame him for her death. If she wasn't so tired of fighting, maybe she would have stayed with me a bit longer. But who are we to question the work of God. I'm still very sad and it breaks my heart to know that my mom won't be with me on our special days to come. But think of your husband in this way too. Just imagine the insane feeling of peace that they are having now. I'm actually a bit jealous of them... They are where I want to be. I don't know you but I will keep you in my prayers too.

You too Anonymous. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and I pray that God will comfort you the way that He has been comforting me.

Lots of love

Jun 17, 2012
by: Anonymous

My mother also died on the 29th of May this year...aneurysm...

Jun 15, 2012
My best friend taken too soon
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear Mariska
I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I know how you feel. I lost my mother in 2003 when she was 77yrs. She died suddenly of a heart attack and we got to the hospital too late and I found it very difficult to accept her death. It takes time to recover from a death and it is never easy whoever it is. Especially if you had a good relationship it makes the grief more intense and prolonged.
I just lost my husband of 44yrs. marriage to cancer and buried him 3 weeks ago today. I have always had a good relationship God but this has changed since my husband Steve died. I am so angry. We prayed for healing and we got this miracle for 24hrs. Even though Steve had a 3 year battle with cancer I thought he would have been healed. But he died so it felt like a sudden death. When I listen to the God channel on TV. and Radio I am hearing of miraculous healings and I cry because Steve wanted this. He wanted to live. I wanted him to live. I will never see him again. I need him. I want to touch him and feel him being alive and well but this will never happen. Waking up early of a morning it is hard to know that this was not a dream but reality.
I wish you Peace and Love and Healing from your grief during you loss of your mother.

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