My Best Friend!!
I just lost my father on September 2nd in a Motor Cycle accident. He was riding a Trike Harley and an SUV swerved in front of him about 200 yards from his house and his trike hit the back of the SUV and pretty much flipped and landed on top of him. One of the hardest things is that I live in Colorado and he lives in Massachusettes so I did not get out there until a couple days later.
When I was young I always thought my dad loved my little brother more because he was the boy! Well as we grew older, my father and I developed a great relationship. We were like twins, hard working, ended up in great places in our lives and my daddy was very proud of me. I have heard from many of friends that he spoke very highly of me even though I was not there everyday. My father lost his wife to cancer 5 years ago on September 5th. That was very hard as his wife was awesome! She was the kindest person you could ever meet and my father loved her sooo much! He knew he had finally found his soul mate. So you can imagine how hard it was for him to loose her! He used to call me everyday for the first couple of years and tell me "I just needed to talk to my best friend so I called you"!
About 4 years ago, I left my abusive husband of 13 years. So my life has completely changed from then til now. My father did love my husband however he was very supportive of all of the changes I have been making in my life. I got divorced, filed bankrupt, got rid of my $350 car payment, decided to change my way of thinking and stop letting people walk all over me which in hand made me decide to change careers! I decided I wanted to go to school. My daddy was so supportive of this and told me that if I took it seriously, he would pay for my 4 year degree! I signed right Up!
I have been having changes in my personal character this year which has made some of my friends and family second guess me. I am really just growing inside and seeing things clearly after being controlled and abused for so long and the people in my life don't really like or maybe just don't understand who I am becoming. I am very confident and driven and I will stop at nothing to reach my goal. I actually am going to school for my bachelors degree in Psychology so that I can work with children in the Social System. I feel that there are not enough people out there who belive in them!
The last time I spoke to my dad was August 17th in which I was more concerned with asking him for $400 to pay for my school books (I started my very first semester taking 13 credit hours - what was I thinking? :)) I spoke to him breifly and he gave me the western union money and that was about it. Usually we had long conversations but this was cut short. So I started school on August 21st and I was so excited! I am 32 years old and doing this for the very first time! I waiting until the first week of school was over, and once I knew I was going to love it, I called and left my father a voicemail on Saturday August 25th. He did not contact me all week which really was not like him.
Sunday September 2nd, I only slept a few hours (I work over nights on the weekends and then go to school 4 days a week - yikes!) When I woke up the first thing on my mind was to try to call my daddy again. I really wanted to share with him that I was loving school already and wanted to thank him for his support in this! His wife answered and she asked me if my dad had not called me all week. I explained to her that he hadn't and so she said she would have him call me but that he had been feeling sick all week. I got scared right away and wanted and needed to know what was going on. I cried for a little bit and then sent his wife a text message (and this is exactly how it came out) Barb...Please take care of my daddy...you guys are the only ones that believe in me right now and have my back.... That was at 1:20pm MT (4:20pm ES). My father crashed his motorcycle exactly 2 hours and 10 minutes later at 6:30pm ES. I never got a chance to speak to him! I never got a chance to tell him how thankful I was for him supporting me and believing in me just because I believe in myself. Life can be so hard, and I have close family here where I live (actually right up the block from me) and non of them act like they even care about what happens to me in my life. I am such a good woman and have grown to be very independant and stable. My family treats me like I am not....but not my daddy! He knew I was exactly where I needed to be at at all times in my life. He never once told me I was making bad decisions.
So here I sit....Single...Strong but only for myself...I have no children and am not able to have any. I have made major life changes for myself so I can become who I was meant to be. I struggle....but I am very humble! I have no car currently because my car broke down on me and I took out a student loan when I signed up for school so I can get some transportation. My dad only offered to pay for my education because he knew how bad I wanted to get out of my old life and live for myself! Unfortunately he is not here to see that anymore. I have tuition fees and book fees that I can't afford and have problems daily with getting to school and work(I work part time so that it doesn't interfere with my school). I am so afraid of failing at this because there are so many odds against me!
My daddy was the kind of man that would work 7 days a week if you let him because he believed in saving money for a rainy day. He ended up at $100,000 a year as his income (way to go daddy!!). He would pinch pennies daily so that when it came time to have vacation with me and my bro and his kids...he had a ton of money to blow! He was soooo funny and liked to drink Bud Light! He was not very confrontational and it almost seemed like it hurt his very existance just to yell at someone when he was mad. He wanted to keep up with the jones...or actually I should say he wanted them to keep up with him :) and had beautiful things when he passed because he worked so hard for them. When I turned 30 2 years ago (my birthday is New Years Eve - Heck year party time) my daddy flew out here just to spend my 30th with me and my friends! He died at the age of 54 which is way too young. He had a major heart attack about 8 years ago and had to have a quad bypass. He didn't quite take great care of his health..but did the best he could. He loved me and my brother and my neice and nephews so much and would have done anything for us. He almost moved out here after my step mother passed 5 years ago and I begged and begged for him to come but the company he worked for was doing so good and didn't have a branch here. When I was really having a bad day with my friends and family here, I would call my dad and cry uncontrollably because I didn't understand why no one supported me out here! He would tell me "Baby don't cry....if it is that bad come move out here...you don't have to work....I am already going to pay for your school and you can just go to school full time with room over your head and a nice car to drive (why I didn't go I don't know...I guess I am stubborn and always want to be superwoman - do everythign myself). But now I wish I would have gone because maybe I could have spent the last couple of months of his life with him everyday! My dads favorite football team was the Philadelphia Eagles cause that is where my family is actualy from (Of course I am a broncos fan but that didn't bother my dad much) and I got to keep his hat that he always wore! The day we found out I will never forget the delay in information...felt like an eternity and it was. We first got called and told that he was in a bad accident but that they were going to take him flight for life to a trauma center. I immediately started calling any and all hospitals I could find online in the state of massachusettes. It took about an hour before we got the final call....and I never felt my heart break so bad in my life! I don't know what to say...or how to feel....or how to say goodbye and I don't think I will ever understand these things. All I know is that I will continue living my life just the way my daddy wanted me to because he was so proud of his only daughter!
I will always and forever hold you in my heart dad! You are a part of me and I will carry you forever! That is how I am going to continue to be strong! Tell Tammy hi for me...and make sure we can drink a beer where you are at when I get there! :) Love you always and forever!