My Best Friend
2010 4th of July- died June 26 2011
I lost my husband of 14 years, 18 months ago...I am still having a rough time. We had just made a major move to another state and he died 2 months later. A man that was very much in to being physically fit,diet, exercise, he went to the doctor on regular check-ups, blood work and told me once he needed to make sure he took care of himself so he could take care of me...i am the one who smoked ate what i wanted did not take care of myself to the degree he did. We were sitting out on the front porch of our new home...just talking i was getting ready to go meet up with my sister(who lost her boyfriend of 14 years 6 months earlier) we went in the house...5 min later he grabbed his head dropped to the floor and it was awful..he was gone in 5 min. I was left with nothing financially and life was going on around me ..but i was shocked, paralyzed...and i am struggling to this day...my life has changed tremendously..i think if I did not have to worry so much about finances i could get through the grieving...but as i read all the other stories it does not matter how rich or poor you are..the grieving takes time...you are on a roller coaster, you isolate yourself,you question your faith...even though we know that is life...your born to die eventually...i do know i am not alone and would love to feel like I was happy but i honestly feel you won't...it has changed me so much and i have a big family that love me and what me to be happy...i have children who i moved away from and now i just want to go back where i was to be with my children and grand children...i am a fish swimming in a fish bowl...lost..numb, paralyzed and i pray every night God will make me happy again...