My Best Friend
I lost my husband 2 ½ weeks ago. He was the love of my life. We were married 16 ½ wonderful years. March 1, 2012 we were told that he had Stage 4 lung cancer which had metastasized. He began chemo the next day. To say my heart was not breaking at that point would be lying. I was scared for him and us. Mike asked that I not cry in front of him or be sad as he wanted to keep things upbeat. We do not have any children together but I have two wonderful step children and five grandchildren. Many people tell you they understand but how can they? Until you experience something like this you will NEVER understand!
January 2013 Mike was in the hospital for 2 weeks with pneumonia. It was while he was there that we found out the cancer had spread to his bones, liver, adrenal glands and adenoids. I was terrified and so was he. We vowed we would fight this cancer beast to the very end together. After he was home, he fell while out at a doctor’s appointment with me and broke his arm. The arm had a cancer tumor and had weakened the bone. We were told that a rod needed to be placed in order for him to use his arm again. Mike was left handed and he broke his left arm. Things started going downhill from this point. He went in for surgery on February 6th and never came home again. The surgery went great but he did not do so well in recovery. He was intubated for five days. This was one of the hardest things I had to deal with. After they removed the breathing tube, we found out that the chemo and radiation had weakened his heart. It was only pumping at 40% instead of 65%. His heart rate was staying at 130-140 and his respirations were sky high at 35. Mike was only able to try and talk for a few hours that day and never again. The next morning I was called and asked to come sign a DNR. I had my step daughter with her dad so that I could come work a few hours. Of course I completely lost it. This was the hardest decision I will ever have to make but we had discussed this between us and I knew what he wanted. He did not want to be brought back to life if it was not going to be a quality life. I signed the DNR to not bring him back with the blessing from both children. The next day I was approached about moving him out of ICU to a room upstairs….knowing that would be where he would die. I opted to pay for him to be moved to a hospice house. It was beautiful and did not feel like a hospital or any other medical facility. He was moved at 1pm on February 14th and he died at 2:40am February 15th. I had promised him he would not die in a hospital and I kept my promise.
Mike you will always be the love of my life, my best friend, the one I live for, laughed with and love.