My Best Friend

by Dawn
(Tennessee)

I lost my husband 2 ½ weeks ago. He was the love of my life. We were married 16 ½ wonderful years. March 1, 2012 we were told that he had Stage 4 lung cancer which had metastasized. He began chemo the next day. To say my heart was not breaking at that point would be lying. I was scared for him and us. Mike asked that I not cry in front of him or be sad as he wanted to keep things upbeat. We do not have any children together but I have two wonderful step children and five grandchildren. Many people tell you they understand but how can they? Until you experience something like this you will NEVER understand!

January 2013 Mike was in the hospital for 2 weeks with pneumonia. It was while he was there that we found out the cancer had spread to his bones, liver, adrenal glands and adenoids. I was terrified and so was he. We vowed we would fight this cancer beast to the very end together. After he was home, he fell while out at a doctor’s appointment with me and broke his arm. The arm had a cancer tumor and had weakened the bone. We were told that a rod needed to be placed in order for him to use his arm again. Mike was left handed and he broke his left arm. Things started going downhill from this point. He went in for surgery on February 6th and never came home again. The surgery went great but he did not do so well in recovery. He was intubated for five days. This was one of the hardest things I had to deal with. After they removed the breathing tube, we found out that the chemo and radiation had weakened his heart. It was only pumping at 40% instead of 65%. His heart rate was staying at 130-140 and his respirations were sky high at 35. Mike was only able to try and talk for a few hours that day and never again. The next morning I was called and asked to come sign a DNR. I had my step daughter with her dad so that I could come work a few hours. Of course I completely lost it. This was the hardest decision I will ever have to make but we had discussed this between us and I knew what he wanted. He did not want to be brought back to life if it was not going to be a quality life. I signed the DNR to not bring him back with the blessing from both children. The next day I was approached about moving him out of ICU to a room upstairs….knowing that would be where he would die. I opted to pay for him to be moved to a hospice house. It was beautiful and did not feel like a hospital or any other medical facility. He was moved at 1pm on February 14th and he died at 2:40am February 15th. I had promised him he would not die in a hospital and I kept my promise.

Mike you will always be the love of my life, my best friend, the one I live for, laughed with and love.
Dawn

Comments for My Best Friend

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Mar 07, 2013
Pain
by: Dawn

The pain of losing Mike is getting worse as the days go by. I miss him terribly! Talking to people about him just makes my cry even more. The house is so empty and everywhere I turn I'm reminded that Mike will never come through the doors again. People keep asking if there is anything that they can do? I tell them no as the only thing that comes to mind is "If you can bring Mike back to me and him not have cancer."

I can't remeber the good times but just the last week of his life. Half of me died that day as well.

Mar 06, 2013
condolences
by: Anthony

My heart goes out to you, Dawn. what happened. To you is practically the same story for my wife Constance and I. Also married for 161/2 years, this coming March 19 will mark one year since she transitioned to the afterlife.

We will always miss our loved ones who transition before us, but, they still live on in the spirit with us daily - talk to your beloved daily, it helps the grief.

Mar 06, 2013
Soul mate
by: Kate

I too lost my soul mate,love,father to my children,protector,provider,my everything.
We were married 23 years when he died.
Five children grieved. Half of me died too.
Now 19 years later our 39 year old son died
Just 3 months ago. This is so hard. My heart
Goes out to all of us!

Mar 06, 2013
My Best Friend
by: Doreen U.K.

Dawn I am sorry for your loss of your husband 2 weeks ago. You will be in the initial stages of grief and wonder what has hit you. This grief pain is like nothing we have or ever will feel after you lose a life partner.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 10 months ago to lung cancer. MESOTHELIOMA. The lung cancer caused by working with Asbestos. Inoperable, incurable, aggressive. I nursed Steve for 3yrs.39days and he died on May 5th 2012. The worst day of my life was the diagnosis on March 28th 2009. The worst news ever. My world fell apart from then and we just soldiered on with the Chemo, Radiotherapy etc. The last Chemo Steve got a blood clot and had to have daily injections for over 3 months. He then got shingles in the eye and almost went blind. His eye was black and blue and swollen. Steve was ill for the whole of the cancer. Steve fell down outside and thought he broke his neck so didn't move and was on the cold ground for 45mins before the ambulance came. He then got pneumonia. It was back and forth to the hospital for appts. and as an in patient. Steve was on steroids for his appetite and then he stopped eating. He went downhill then and I refused to believe he would die. I sat waiting for this miracle I had prayed for on the God Channel all over America. Yes! this is a horrible journey for us wives losing a husband and leaving us with emptiness and lonliness forever. It matters not what we do or fill our life with. We still have to go on by ourselves and manage the house and the running of it and have no partner to support us here when things get difficult. My husband didn't want to die in the hospice so he died at home. We gave him a good burial and I will go in the same plot. The wake was at a pub with all his work colleagues there. He would have been proud of this. All we can do now is go through life one day at a time. Each day will be different. Some good and some bad days. I hope you have supportive family and friends to walk this grief journey with you. It does help a lot to have supportive people with you. May God comfort you in your grief and sorrow.

Mar 06, 2013
Lost
by: Dawn

Cindy,

I feel your pain as I too was with my husband when he took his last breath. It was heartbreaking and still is. I have lived the last year with my sole purpose being to take care of him and now I have nothing. He was my best friend, soulmate and the love of my life. I cry almost everyday for him. I love him more than life and do not understand why he was taken away from me so soon.

Dawn

Mar 06, 2013
My Best Friend
by: Cindy

I lost my husband on 09/19/2012. We to fought a long battle with heart failer. But there came a time when he had to decied to stop the defibler so his heart would stop if the pace maker could not keep up. He to did not want to die in a hospital. From July to Sept I watched my soul mate slip away as he grew weaker. When the time came I fought hard to save him but he slipped away in my arms at home. Soon his family joined us as we were able to spend the night with him before they came for him the next day. I am still trying to do as he ask. To be strong and make a life for me. But he was my soule mate and my life. Everyday I fight to find normal when he was my normal. What I can say is be kind to your self. Walk this as you need to. There are no ground rules. Allow your self to grive every way you need to. Blessing and peace.

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