My Best Friend

by Ellen

My mum was the most important person in my life, i got on with her so well. She always told me what was best and how to cope with difficult times in my life. One day i came home from school and she told me she had to have an operation due to a problem with her bowels. She assured me she would be completely fine so i believed her because she has never misguided me in all my life. On the day of the operation I was a mess all day, school didn't help. When i got home, my dad came back and spoke to my gran. So i kind of guessed it wasn't good news. Turns out she had cancer. This was a kick in the face to me, I couldn't believe it. Such an innocent strong woman and now she was seriously ill. I remember going to see her in hospital, and it killed me to see her how she was. She got progressively better, i got so hopeful, we all did. Then she just got worse and worse. It was a Sunday and me, my little brother and sister had been called to the hospice to see my dad. He told us she didn't have a chance. I didn't take it in properly and went straight to see her. She barely recognized me, i sat down next to her and told her how i was sorry if i'd ever been a horrible daughter and i was so so sorry that we'd ever fallen out. I tried not to cry in front of her, but even my dad couldn't help it. It was the worst thing I've ever had to do. Seeing her like that is a constant reminder that just wont go away. After that she had a lot of visitors and a lot of goodbyes. Two days later, she passed away. I remember being with all of my family and just my dad turning up. We knew she had gone because he wouldn't leave her in the hospice alone, and that was it. It was February when she died, i was thirteen. Its so heartbreaking how she will never be there on my wedding day or she wont meet her grand kids etc. Although she is safer where she is now. She will be waiting for us.

And every single day of my life, she will be in my heart.

I love you mummy, so much. I would do anything for us to be together again <3

Comments for My Best Friend

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Jul 26, 2013
My Best Friend
by: Doreen U.K.

Ellen I am so sorry for your loss of your mum. You were so young and also your brother and sister to lose a mum.
My husband died of cancer 14 months ago and I know how difficult a disease this is to deal with and the cancer journey is so hard and painful. But especially so for 3 young children. Your father will have his own worries caring for 3 children without a mother, so he will have his own grief to deal with. It is always cruel when children lose a mother or father and they have to go through life with school and growing up without the nurturing a mother provides for her family. Your mother will have worried about the end of her life and do what every mother would do which is to say "Who will look after my children?" Even though she would have known your father would do a good job it is so hard for the one who is dying. My husband would have felt the same way. Our loved ones are at peace now and out of their suffering, it us who are left who have to pick up the pieces and get on with some sort of living.
You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Try and get through your life as best as you can by having a good relationship with your father and your brother and sister. You all need each other, Good support will help you all to start to heal from losing your mum. It is missing your wedding and having children that you will miss from your life without your mum around as every daughter looks forward to these times with her mother. If you have an aunty or some older female family member who can mentor you this would help you bond and build up your life by giving to each other what the other one needs and so this will enhance your life. You can also try CRUSE bereavement services who are skilled and can help families struggling with grief.

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