My best friend

by bev

I lost my mum on 22nd October 2009. She spent the last few years of her life with the most horrendous debilitating rheumatoid arthritis which we always thought we would find a drug that would make her better. We kept hoping we'd find medication that worked as well for her as it did for everyone else. She couldn't work anymore or even walk from her bed to the bathroom on her own. She'd always been so independent and healthy, she had a very active job and walked every where so it was soul destroying for her. She was then diagnosed with breast cancer, out of the blue I n march 2009. There was no history of this in our family. It was such a huge shock. We later found it had been left so long as she didn't have any lumps that it had spread to almost all of her organs. The aggressive chemo really helped her arthritis and meant she could get out and about a little but it obviously wasn't really helping with the cancer. She never ever wanted to be given her time and always stayed optimistic even though deep down we all knew nothing could help. My mum never wanted much out of life, just to have some independence and to see her kids get married and meet her grandchildren. She died aged 54 and never got to do any of those things.

The worst part that I can't get over is knowing how lonely she was stuck at home alone in agony with the arthritis. We never appreciated this or how strong and brave she was. She lost touch with all her friends and a lot of our family. People only took notice when she was diagnosed with cancer. Everyday I feel horribly guilty for the pain and suffering in her last few years.

Mum couldn't be at my wedding and I'm pregnant with my first child, her first grandchild. Whatever I do in my life now will always be tinged with sadness. She was the bravest, toughest person I have ever known and I'm so proud to be her daughter.

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Oct 28, 2011
Best Friend / Mom
by: TrishJ

I'm so sorry for your loss. Life sure doesn't seem fair sometimes does it? So many people seem to sail through their lives with little discomfort and sadness and others are hit with a double and triple dose of it.
I feel you. It's difficult to watch a loved one suffer. Please don't feel guilty and beat yourself up other this. I lost my husband over a year ago and spent the first 6 months after his death dealing with tremendous guilt for nothing really. You mom would want you to go on with your life and be happy. Congratulations on the birth of your sweet child. Your mom will be with you on that joyous day.
God bless.

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