My Bird Man

by sue
(panama city fl)

I believe in my Lord, I believe he took my husband so that he would not suffer any more.
I would like to believe he is guiding me to help make me stronger, I just often wonder WHY me. To loose someone after 35 yrs is not like throwing out dirty dish water. My loss was 5-11-11, I have cried myself so hard that I get physically ill, chest pains, and if I don’t wake up, it is ok.

My Allen comes to me in my dreams, telling me it is not my time, I see him walk past the window when it is time for him to be home, but he doesn’t come in. I hear the birds that passed talking, and hounddog who passed walking on the tile floor. I did what Allen never wanted..I got a kitten..named "boo boo kitty" to help mend my broken heart.

I miss the smell of him, his beer breath, body oder, farts, snoring, and his playing with the birds, and the simple " I love you"

But most of all I am tired of people telling me that in time it will be ok. If they only knew just how impatient I really am.

Thank you for this place to put my feelings into word and not just thoughts.


Comments for My Bird Man

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Sep 05, 2011
Your bird man
by: Anonymous


I'm glad you put your feelings in writing. It's good and helps to heal the soul like crying. You mention you see and hear Allen around you and honestly, I believe you. His spirit is around and he's probably worried about how you will get through this. You need time and you will get better. Being the survivor is hard work and it's never easy. Support groups help and so do alot of prayers. Keep faith and know you are not alone on this journey. Remember one breath, one day, one step at a time.

Sep 04, 2011
by: Julie,Michigan

I too still am trying to learn Patience. I come from a family of IMpatient people. My husband and I have had so many losses in the last ten years to last a lifetime. Sometimes I just ask God, what is it I am here to do? I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Sep 03, 2011
It feels unbearable but you are loved
by: Geoffrey campbell

I know the pain, it is beyond words, and for me the grief never leaves me, nor my does my love diminish with time, but you are loved, we often blame the One who loves us best, but He is not the author of death, but of life. Nor is this Friend insensitive to your grief, for He feels it too, for it is written in Isaiah, "In all our suffering, God suffers." And we who read your letters do so because we too are suffering great loss, great sorrow and grief, but knowing how terrible this grief is we too weep with you, and pray that you will have the strength and courage to bear it, as your husband would want you to. Your friend in Pennsylvania, Geoffrey.

Sep 03, 2011
We're Here For You
by: TrishJ

It's only been 4 months. You are still in the baby step pages. You are really just coming out of the "state of shock" phase. My husband passed away 9 months ago today. We were married for 37 1/2 years. I was only 19 when we met so he is all I know of this life. To wake up one day and find yourself a widow is a very difficult thing to deal with.
We deserve to be happy but it's a lot of hard work. I too miss my husband's smells. I miss having him tell me he loves me. I miss his physical presence.
Things haven't gotten too much better for me ~ not yet. It's a work in progress. I can honestly say that I'm just now starting to have more good days than bad.....but, all it takes is one little thing to set me off for the day. I am yet to have a day where tears aren't shed. I should be dehydrated with all of the crying. Crying is good for the soul so I guess I'm doing myself some good.
All we can do is trust in God and do the best we can. I too am very impatient. I want this whole in my heart healed, I want to be happy again and actually feel excited about something. It will come in time. I have faith.
Keep coming here and voicing your feelings. We are all in this together. I didn't realize "til' death do us part would leave me a widow at the age of 58 but that's the hand I've been dealt. I too trust in the Lord and know my husband's death was all part of his plan.
Hugs to you. Welcome..

Sep 03, 2011
by: Pat

I lost my husband of 46 years on 6/27/11. Our wedding anniversary was 6/26/11. Doctors told us my husband wasn't dying; only God knew better and I think now, my husband knew, because he told me on our anniversary, he didn't feel like he belonged here anymore. I feel so empty, like a part of me went with him. I feel his presence at times, see him standing in our kitchen, he so loved to cook. I miss him so much and I know I will always have this ache in my heart and this empty feeling. I also believe my God took my husband, because he would not want to live the quality of life he would have had. We have to go on living, but it isn't easy. We did everything together.

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