My Bird Man

Tomorrow will mark the 4th month of Allen's passing, and marks the 1st day of the rest of my life...I refuse to be down in the dumps...I will always love you...but I have to go on....I have started by changing my hair color to red...for which he said he never wanted to see me with it..and I look great and feel great....but now it is for me...his passing has changed everything...I can't live in the past .... I want to keep going and do things for me and remember you the way we had fun...I love you Allen....

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Sep 11, 2011
I remember all to well
by:

Having survived grief I can tell you that you have a great outlook. I still need this site once again. It seems to come, that need for ? comfort Now and Then. And as the 2 yr mark approaches this Dec I again feel slightly weak. Oh much stronger yes yes nearly embracing accepting this life "The New Normal".

I do recall the frantic almost manic way that I felt the need to work work work, change, keep things rolling keep busy do as I please what I have always wanted to. And at first I thought it was selfish but I knew that I was only trying to find out who I was without him.

I changed myself. Threw away things. completely re-did the house down to putting all the furniture on the front lawn with a big FREE sign. All of it memories that tortured me, haunted me daily of the life I no longer had and so very desperately wanted back.

This new life the one that we swore that we would never adjust to, never accept...makes us stronger and forces us to get to know who we are. Not who we were. My best to you as you try so very hard to adapt. Acceptance is the hardest part of grief. Hard to believe it could be any more painful than the initial loss.

I found myself stuck in grief like quicksand. The more I tugged and pulled trying to force the new life the further that I sank. But I survived grief which is to date the most heroic thing THE hardest thing that I have ever done...
HH

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