My boyfriend and his kids loss!!

by Pamela
(Jefferson, texas)

Apr 30, 2013
by: Anonymous

I have been in a relationship for three months now with a man that I know and believe that he's my soul mate.. He lost his wife three years ago to a drunk driver... He has 4 kids, and I have 4 of my own... I know that I want see them for Mother's Day, because they will be coping around there immediate family... What can I say or do for them, because I do feel there pain... Please can someone help me here!!

Comments for My boyfriend and his kids loss!!

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May 02, 2013
My boyfriend and his kids loss!
by: Doreen U.K.

I think you can befriend these children and show them compassion. Show them that you care in ways that won't intrude but respect what they need. Don't try too hard to please them, in trying hard for the relationship. Act naturally as if those children were your own. Treat them with the same respect as you would your own children.
Don't try to mother them they may resent this. Show them you are on their side and not an enemy. Let them know their Dad is important to you and you are not there to replace their mother if the subject arises. But that you care very much what happens to them since they lost their mother. Ask them How you can help them? Let the suggestions come from them, they can't resent this. You could involve your children to befriend them and support them. They will establish a bond that will help you all living together. Once you bond with the children it will become easier. Respect is what will get you through this difficult period in your life. Good Luck and best wishes.

May 02, 2013
Be there for them
by: Steffy

As much as possible,
losing a spouse, or a parent any loved one is so painful and confusing.

Be there for him and try and understand his pain and his childrens pain.
His wife will always be a part of him and he will always love her.

If you can live with that and love him then you guys will be happy he deserves happiness and his children do as well, I am glad he has you. You will do wonders in his life.

Help him move forward in a healthy way, help him smile and appreciate the life he has again.

Good luck, Happy Mothers day

May 02, 2013
Dear Pamela,
by: Pat

I think you answered your own question. Just validate their pain. Let them know what they are going through is normal. Try to engage them in activities they enjoy. That will help them try to reconnect with a sense of normalcy. If they want to cry, tell them that is a good way to deal with their loss. Tears release pain. When it comes to grief, tears are a very good thing.

These children have lost their mother. Let them know you realize that is really tough and you will never try to replace her. Just let them know you can be their friend and you are a good listener. These children might feel anger toward you, as they may see you as trying to replace a mother they can never see again. Just be ready for that. It might be a good tool if your children can play with your boyfriend's. Children who are dealing with loss will likely connect better with other children.

Good luck. Happy Mother's Day!

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