In march of 2010 I lost a dear friend to suicide. He had only relayed to me how depressed he was eight days before he took his life. The magnitude of the pain and guilt and loss I felt can not be described into words. I attempted to help him through his tough days, but because of the nature of our relationship I could only do so much. We lived almost two hours from each other, and in the back of my mind I knew my place needed to be with him. My hectic schedule and my fear of interfering to much kept me at arms length. I would talk and text with him several times a day over those eight days. Like a mother, I loved him so much and wanted to take his pain away and feel it for him so he wouldn't hurt so much. I couldn't save him and over the past year and a half have wanted to be able to help someone else in crisis only to wash away the guilt. My fear of not being able to help someone else has kept me from doing any research on crisis centers in the town I reside. As time goes on the pain has subsided, but as the seven stages of grief model explains, life will never be the same without my beloved friend.
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